A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently had a breakup with a guy I dated for 2 months. It was a short relationship, but everything seemed from the first date and so on. We went out every single week since we met each other. In each one of the dates we felt we had so many things in common, and always had a great time together. He traveled a lot during the week for work but he always texted or called me and plan to see each other during the weekend. We eventually had sex after one month of starting dating and it was great, he was even more into our relationship than before, he sent flowers. We even talked about our 5 year plan ( conversation he initiated) He went for a whole week trip back home, to a friends wedding and he was very attentive calling me or texting to say he missed me and all. But when he came back, he was acting different and the calls we reduced but when we saw each other he was all happy to see me. Two weeks passed from that date, an I felt he was a little more reserved, he had a very busy work week. Then one sunday he came to my apartment to have dinner and he decided we had to talk about our relationship, to make the long story short, he told me he was very into me and that I was an amazing girl, but he felt he was not ready for a commitment, because he felt that as in right now he could be the boyfriend he wanted to be or the one I deserved. It was such a sudden change of heart, 3 weeks have passed and still I dont understand, for someone that before going back home was talking about our future together??? We talked briefly via text for the holiday, Any advice of what went wrong??? Would it be possible to get him back??
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male
reader, JippySad  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Try asking him to do something for you, maybe fix a lamp or so, just casually, like you were friends. Don't try to claim him or bind him to you, but try and make appointments for silly things like walking through the park or visiting a museum. So that he can experience, that he is not bound or forced into a life, before he felt free to be himself. Maybe he would enjoy it, when you went with him to something he likes to do. Just do things where you can be physically near each other, but not have to get romantic, maybe some sports or so, and then just let it all to him to start something more romantic or maybe just let it be like friends, as you leave your expectations and just get to know him as he is, when he does not have to feel he has to commit and be serious as a lifetime partner. Man enjoy more the moment, when it is free. Of course, you will have to feel yourself, what you can handle. If you want to be with him, then stay in touch, not per email, sms or letter, but in life, first as if your were family, good friends, where you are free to consult each other naturally. Get to know his world, when he loves someone else, then there is still time to get out quietly.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): He met someone else at the wedding?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Talking about a five year plan after just two months? Yeah, he was way ahead of himself. He realized he was going way too fast and would end up married like his friend soon, and he didn't even know you that well. That's why he took himself out of the relationship.
Respect his decision, which came about due to his bad choices (not yours!), and hopefully next time you will meet someone with a smarter head on their shoulders.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. Very disappointing.
But you know, dating is a process of exploration, essentially, to get to know one another, good qualities and not so good ones. This takes time, certainly a lot longer than two months.
It strikes me that this man may well have scared himself. Yes, HE was the one talking about a five-year plan, and your future together. You did meet every week, and he was obviously very busy with work when travelling on business. Then he went home for a week to attend a friend's wedding and, presumably, spend time with his family. That gave him a break (I don't mean to indicate he was planning to end it with you at that point). What I mean is it was time away from each other, and he probably realized during that week that he was moving rather fast in your relationship, and felt he really needed to pull back.
What this says is that its MUCH better to go slow - and maybe YOU did, but he didn't. He may be a little young still, whereas a man (applies to women too) with a few more years on them would (hopefully) be mature enough not to rush. And I can't say you exactly rushed into sex, either -wise choice, that.
When all's said and done, I know this explanation as to what I think happened - and I could be wrong, who knows? - doesn't take away your hurt and upset.
I'm afraid you can only accept what he told you when he had dinner with you and wish him well.
I wouldn't contact him, though. Take some time to grieve, and think about this experience so you can learn from it.
If in a few months you feel you want to see where he stands, you might give yourself permission to phone him - not text - to say hello and ask how he's doing. So long as you're prepared that he might not have changed his mind, it can't hurt to leave yourself the option of a friendly - no pressure, mind! call.
I don't want to give you false hope, but MAYBE he will call you once he's had time to gain some perspective if he meant what he said at that dinner about you being an amazing person and all.
Hope this helps.
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