A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We took a break for ten months just so that he was sure i am the one wants to spend the rest of his life with but now i have changed as i am pissed and hurt because he slept with so many women now we are together and he says he doesnt trust me.... what do i do?? fyi if i marry him i have to leave my family for ever..
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male
reader, bfriends  +, writes (7 December 2010):
If you are 21 or less you still have a long time, lord willing, to be with your family. Do not lose your family. You have plenty of time ahead at your young age to find a man to marry and have a wonderful life togehter. If all he wants to do is have sex with other women, he won't change. In the US just more than half of marraiges end, he would not have a chance with you or any other woman. Get rid of the jerk.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): If he really loved you he wouldnt have lasted ten days without you let alone ten months!
That was just his really lame excuse at getting laid and fufilling his sexual desires before haveing a guaranteed girlfriend to go back to after it all. You were his first so he wanted to experience more girls and then thought it was ok to go back to you.
Regardless of culture or whatever you deserve someone better than that. Be brave and be strong and find the strength to leave him as there will be someone out there who can respect you and love you.
Good luck in whatever happens, I hope all goes well for you x
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (6 December 2010):
 "but e reason v both cant let go is we dont feel the same with anyother and we have an emotional relationship so im very lost and we both were vergins wene we had sex for the first time"
I'm assuming this was you OP. You were both virgins. That was a great start. Now, you've saved yourself for him that 10 months. What did he do? Had lots of sex with lots of people. Let me guess, he wanted to "make sure he wasn't missing out on anything so that he could love you better and with all his heart." That's not only BS, it's self serving BS that you need to disagree with.
That exploration should have been done with you, the person he claims to love. He's using your feelings to his advantage. What will you do the next time he wants a break when he gets bored with you? It will happen again. Don't for a second think it won't.
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A
female
reader, metalheadmom +, writes (6 December 2010):
 You HAVE to either LET GO of your emotional attachment to his PAST, or, let the relationship go.
You do not have any other options. You cannot, and will not, ever be happy in this relationship unless you can learn to deal with your anger.
Personally? I know I could never trust him and wouldn't even try to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): LEAVE HIM!!! That is what you do.....if he was in love with you, he would not have to leave the relationship to know if you are the "one." The fact that he has sex with a variety of women when he left you says it all....now he wants to flip the script and try to make you out to be a "whore" (pardon my language) when indeed he fits that description. The sooner you leave the better because, I can assure you this...when he finds a woman he truly calls himself falling for, he will not and I repeat he WILL NOT leave her to "test the waters."
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Dump him immediately! Dirtball is quite right in what he said to you.
This man is a stinker; you need him like you need a horrible headache.......I hope if you've slept with him since getting back together, that he hasn't passed on any STDs to you.......
As for having to leave your family forever (why would you have to do that, by the way? Are they totally opposed to your marrying him - or to marrying anyone else??) is SO not worth it.......
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2010):
 He doesn't trust YOU because of his OWN behavior/actions while the two of you were apart.
Taking a break in a relationship can happen but a 10 months long one? To figure out if you are meant to be together or not? That is not a break, that is starting totally over. He wasn't thinking anything over, he was being a slut.
I don't think he is worthy of you. You deserve a better man then him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 December 2010):
 I agree with the other poster.
He wanted to make sure you are the one...... This is never done by going out and sleeping with other people. I agree that it is absurd to think so. That is almost as bad as saying that his love is based on which private parts of the body he wants to spend his life with. Where is that rational thinking or behavior. I believe he isn't ready to settle down. He wants his cake and to eat it too.
Relationships must have trust as their foundation, if it's gone, the relationship will crumble. Maybe he thinks since it was easy to jump in bed with these other girls, that it'd be easy for you to do the same with another guy, but isn't that a direct reflection of how he perceives his behavior?
You need someone who's good to you and is there for you no matter what. You deserve that, and with your boyfriend's actions, I don't believe you would be receiving that from him.
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A
female
reader, INCREDIBLEME01 +, writes (6 December 2010):
 I would suggest first and foremost you go get medically checked for your own sexual health well being.With that said and done, most men that accuse of someone of cheating, is doing so themselves and trying to take the focus off of their actions. With no trust there can be no future. Love comes second to trust and respect. Without those, the love will never grow and may not have even been real love to start with. he could have come back because one or any of his flings didn't work out for him and he doesn't want to be alone. If you really really have love for someone, I don't think it should take 10 months, and lots of sex with other women for it to dawn on you, you have lost someone you dearly love. He should have felt like part of him was missing and that part should have been you. I personally think he wanted a wild card to have sex with whomever he wanted without having to explain his cheaing or lose you for it forever. You were put on the back burner and he knows what he did, and is afraid you will do the same thing he did, or is looking for another reason to leave again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): my culture is different too
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): but e reason v both cant let go is we dont feel the same with anyother and we have an emotional relationship so im very lost and we both were vergins wene we had sex for the first time
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (6 December 2010):
Maybe it's best if you aren't together then. If the trust is gone, then the foundation of the relationship has fallen apart. If you ask me, that's some shady behavior on his part. While it isn't "technically" wrong what he did, it still doesn't make him that attractive as a partner in my eyes. "I think we need to take a break so I can go have a bunch of sex with other people. But stick around because I do think I love you." That's absurd. Leave him. You won't regret it.
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