A
female
age
36-40,
*ella202287
writes:Basically I started dating this guy about 4 months ago offically. We were talking alot before he asked me. At first i wasnt really into him but i liked talking to him alot sometimes. I really felt he was more into me than i was into him and id blow him off sometimes not because i was seeing someone else but because i wasnt sure. I kinda just got out of a weird relationship and i was still hurt in someways. So we started to hang out more and i started to feel the same way he did but i always felt he was much more into me. He was always so sweet and always txting me sweet things and always askin to see me. So long story short I started to be into him alot and get really strong feelings. So i finally said yes to be his gf. So at first everything was amazing and within the first 2 months he was trying to tell me he loves me. He say things like i heart you all the time and he thinks hes falling in love with me.Part of me was like whoa uh hold on. But than another part of me really liked it. So after a while of saying i heart you he finally told me one night out of no where he loved me and i didnt know what to say and he tried to change the subject really fast and i told him its okay whatever you feel i feel cuz i was nervous. So i wasnt sure if he really meant it. But the next day he txtd me he loved me. And i would say me 2. and i felt bad for not saying it so id say i heart you too to let him know i felt the same kinda beating around the bush. and hed say i heart you too. until i get a txt one night of him confessing his love about how he loves me so much. So the next day or two i see him i grab him and say baby i love you too im sorry i didnt say it back right away and he looked white in the face and was like stuttering and took him a few mins to say it back and he said i wuv you?!?! and i was like what but i could tell he was really nervous. I was like baby why are you so nervous if you say it all the time and it was like he shut down. I think he could tell i felt bad and i went to his house the other night and before we made love he finally said i love you like a scared little dog and i grabbed him and kissed him. So after that night he hasent said it. So i had it last night when we were talking on aim and in the convo i made a joke about how most men arent shy about saying i love you to just bring up the subject and he says you know i likey you! I was like likey me? you tell me you love me 100 times now you say you likey me what the hell does that mean? hes like you know what i mean i couldnt take it anymore i was like you know what i dont know cuz you say things randomly and soon as i say it back you shut down. He was like you dont think im on the same level as you are and i was like i dont know and explained that i didnt understand y you told me so many times you love me and when i finally say it back your weird about it. and he was like i dont say i love you all the time because i get shy. And i voiced y are u shy u know i told you i love you and it makes me feel like you dont and i dont think you would say it if you dont mean it and he said i do loves you babe. and i was like i still dont get it and he was like i dont know y i am so shy dont hate me i know your my everything and im the happiest ive ever been. and that confused me i was like what i thought he was trying to say he wasnt sure if he loved me and he was like baby i do love you i am sure of something like that. i meant like dont hate me cuz im shy. what does this sound like to you guys im so confused and hurt. need some advice bad
View related questions:
I love you, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Bella, please! Stop it!
I know you said you tend to worry and are a bit insecure, but you SERIOUSLY need to curb those tendencies. You say you know he loves you, and has told you so, all well and good.
What would NOT be good - in fact it would drive him away - is to keep badgering him about his shyness, etc. and thus you'd bring on a self-fulfilling prophecy about feeling insecure.
So: don't do it! Try to relax sand enjoy the time you are together, lay off ANY and ALL pressure!
A
female
reader, bella202287 +, writes (30 November 2010):
bella202287 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst id like to say thank you part of me is a big worry wort. I know hes really shy i can tell but im not really shy about expressing myself about it and i didnt mean to snap at him. But i really felt like he was playing games with me. I know he really loves me i can tell. Like i said he would throw the hint for a while with the I heart you on txt. and He said i love you 3 times in person lol. I think im very insecure and always waiting for the ball to drop. So after him saying it so many times and him being the one to bring it up that he wouldnt have a problem saying it and when he got all shy about it and scared i took that as him not being sure and kinda got upset. so When i asked him y hes so shy he said i don say it all the time cuz im shy and i understand but it just pissed me off and he was like i do love you babe, i was like i love you too im not mad i just dont understand and he was like i dont know why about being shy and dont hate me i know your my everythign and you make me the happiest out of everyone ive been with. n that confused me. i took it for him not being sure. when h meant dont hate me for being shy. i dunno hes said i love you since that night.
...............................
A
female
reader, americanpatriot +, writes (30 November 2010):
 "I love you" gets thrown around a lot by people who feel like they are supposed to say it. He probably is in love with you, but when someone is texting or emailing, they are a lot braver. He doesn't have to worry about the expression on your face changing when he types it in the chat box. This can be a relief to a lot of shy people. The trouble is that it causes the relationship to progress further than they might be ready for.
You need to introduce the word love in a different context with him, so that he will be more comfortable with that word. The best way to do this is to say, "I love how you _____" You can fill in the blank with a lot of things. Or "What I love about you is ______." These actually mean more to a person than just saying "I love you" and that's it.
"I love you" is almost a taboo for males in society, and so much drama gets attached to it. It's really a simple statement, but it gets blown up into something way bigger than it is, because of romantic movies and literature. This can scare a shy man to death because he feels like he has to be willing to propose marriage in order to say it. He also feels like a woman is going to bite his head off if he doesn't say it.
Just start including the word love in other parts of your conversation, and don't make a big deal out of those three words. It's what you do for one another that matters.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 November 2010):
Yes, Cerberus Raphael has given you some good advice.
I want to recommend that you just drop it now. Seriously, you told him you love him, he said it back - and admitted he's shy, so let it go at that.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 Is this his first serious relationship? If it was, I think he was brave enough to tell you that he loves you because he expected the worst (Just a guess drawn from the fact that he is shy and seems somewhat timid which could be because of low self-esteem) so when you told him that you felt the same way, he was unsure of how to react and so he panicked and is still panicking. When he finally understood that you were feeling confused and irritated by his behavior he tried to admit how he felt about the whole ordeal.
You need to find some way of making him comfortable with hearing the phrase being said by someone he feels the same way towards. If/when he says "I love you" you can say "I love you too" and watch his behavior around it. Try to ease him into the moment of it all instead of allowing him to change the subject so hastily.
This is all just based on a guess though so I cannot be sure.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
