A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:okay so i was with my boyfriend for 2 years, since january 2009, although in july we had a bit of a fallout for about 2 weeks. we got back together unofficially, although i was telling my friends, and then i found out about 2 weeks ago, that since july through to now, he's been telling other girls he loved them, he's been stripping for other girls on the internet, he's been arranging to meet up with other girls to have sex with them, telling them they were beautiful, texting them, ringing them constantly. and then i found out he cheated on me when he went on holiday, and then came home and slept at my house. he cheated on me 4 times with the same girl, so surely if after the first time he did it he didnt realise it was a mistake, he doesnt love me? i also found out that since then, he's been mailing her, arranging to have sex with her next time he meets her, and on my birthday, he went home and stripped for some randomer online. i know it sounds pathetic, but he told me he was in love with me, i've never felt this way about anyone before, he was my world, and i've given up absolutely everything for him. but the thing is, i still want to be wtih him, because i feel as if i could die without him. i'm in love with him, and i only want to be with him and no one else. i guess what i'm trying to ask is, how can i make this pain go away? or how can i trust him again? or what shall i do generally? please help, i cant stop crying since.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Hello. Im afraid you will do a lot more crying if you stay with this person. Imagine if you will, that you have all those feelings of love and devotion toward someone. And that someone, feels exactly the same way about you. How much better that would be. You would be happy and confident, knowing how much you loved and respected YOUR man. And you were loved and respected in return. Wouldnt that be better than crying alone, while your present partner sleeps with someone else and strips naked for strangers? With a little courage, your future could be so much brighter without this person. Dont you deserve better than him? Arent you worthy of more? You have pride, so use it.I can understand how hurt you must feel. I was told how much i was loved once. And i fell for it all. Only to find out after 6 months that he was behaving as badly as your current partner. As soon as i found out, i left him and didnt look back. It hurt me very much but i knew i deserved so much more and i wasnt prepared to settle for anything less. I cried for 2 weeks, while he begged and pleaded but i refused to go back to him. Ive since met someone whos ten times the man he was. Although it was hard to leave at first. Im so glad now that i did. The ex is still a loser. He married recently and text me a few days before his marriage, asking if id give him another chance. He said if i agreed, he would break things off with his impending wife. What sort of a person does that? I could so esily have been his poor wife if i hadnt walked away. Dont end up like her. This person really isnt worthy of you. Let him go and find your perfect partner. Hes out there waiting for you, i promise x
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Hon, believe me, I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love-even when they constantly hurt you. But, you have to think of yourself, your own survival. This man lied to you, cheated on you countless times, and it does not look like he'll change. Imagine he has unprotected sex with these girls and then, comes back to you with an STI, with HIV? I don't think you can trust him. If he loved you, he wouldn't touch other women. You would be the woman he thought of night of day, the woman he couldn't bear to hurt no matter what, the only woman for him. Leave him. You don't need to say anything, just pack up and leave or stop taking his calls-he'll get the message. I won't lie and tell you that you won't feel hal-dead for a while. Or that you won't miss him and regret leaving. But, keep yourself busy, don't stay alone-go out with friends, chill with family. It takes about 3months to get over someone. Take up a new hobby, spoil yourself with spa days and Mr. Wonderful will soon come along when least expected
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Oh lawd. He's cheated on you and shown not a scrap of respect or consideration for you all over the place and you're telling us you feel as if you could die without him, still in love with him and only want to be with him.
Now, PLEASE, with all due respect: don't be so silly!
I know it hurts, but it is NOT the end of the world. Why oh why should you waste any more time or tears on such a schmuck? He clearly does not love you - and certainly does NOT deserve YOUR love in any way, shape or form.
So what do you do now? Well first, you give up any idea of getting him back, let alone trusting him (you can't). You resolve in your own mind very firmly to write "finish" to this sorry episode in your life. Then you begin to focus on getting on with the activities, hobbies, interests that you enjoy; spending time with family and friends who are good company to be around. Perhaps you look to do a little volunteer work, call an elderly friend or relative who is housebound/ill/in hospital. Things like that.
Then maybe buy yourself a new outfit, get a manicure or massage; take a trip someplace (even if only a day or afternoon trip) somewhere you've always wanted to go, but not gotten around to.......throw your all into your job or studies, if you're in college......
Eventually you'll meet someone much nicer than him, someone who will really care for you and enjoy your company and you his.......use this time before that happens to really give some thought as to the kind of man you'd like to meet, and the qualities you want to see in him......
Good luck!
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