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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Whilst travelling in Asia, I met and travelled with my now girlfriend for 2 months. Just recently, I have discovered that in between meeting me and hooking up, she had a one night stand with an 18 year old - she is 23.It has been exacerbated by the fact that my gf told me that they had sex multiple times in a crowded dorm, underneath her best friend. It wouldnt be such a big deal, except the fact that she has always derided guys who sleep around as disgusting. Yet she was only too happy to jump into bed with a guy who had been sleeping his way around Asia. Facebook stalking I see his mates have It makes me see her differently. I dont want it to, but it does. I wish I had never found out about it and could get it out of my head. That she could be charmed by a guy like that is just so disappointing. Any tips on moving past this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): Why should you get past it? You have your values and she has hers.
Values are reflected by actions, not words. She doesn't exist without those actions because they ARE her just as much as the actions in her life that she is most proud of. Maybe she is what you are looking for or maybe she is not.
I'm sorry this is not very positive advice but I'm not feeding you bullshit. If you want to hear someone tell you "Oh, just get over it, you'll be fine!" I'm sure you will get plenty of those comments.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 I suppose you have talked with her about this - guess you must have since she told you about it - what was her attitude? Did she indicate regret and something she'd never do again? Did you express shock, disappointment and tell her you couldn't believe she would do that given what she's said about men who sleep around?
If this man has slept his way across Asia, maybe she'd better get checked for possible STDS.
Sordid as this is, I think - if she seems to sincerely realize how reckless her behavior was - your choice is to try to put it behind you, continue on with her and see how it goes - put her "on probation" in your own mind - OR to decide its completely unacceptable and end it......its tough......
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A
female
reader, ImogenLD  +, writes (24 November 2010):
The only way to move on from this is for you to start to focus on what made you like her in the first place. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect no matter how we try to be. Yes it was a very out of character for her to do this but if you really like her then you will be able to forgive her in time. This might take awhile but you will be able to get there if you are strong enough. However there is a big difference between forgiving her and letting go of what she has done. Forgiving will be the easiest bit but if you don't think you can let go of it then walking away from this might be for the best. If not you will always throw it back in her face and will be unfair on you both.
Hope you work it out
Imogen
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