A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do you think it is possible for someone to be INCAPABLE of returning someone's love?I love a girl who suffers from severe mental and emotional problems, and I realise she has become dependent on me.She can't return my love, even if she felt it.Have you ever experienced aything like this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks.
She is getting as much help as is possible.
I don't want to give more details though.
She is probably the least self centred person I know.
Even when she has been suicidally depressed she has looked out for her friends. Always asks how they are and offers them help.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Yes, there are medical and mental conditions that cause this. Or they could be so self-centered that they simply can't show empathy and love.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): as someone who suffers from both depression and anxiety, i can assure you that it's not necessarily something that has to stand in the way of being able to love someone - the problem is the that depressed people tend to see the world in very messed-up ways, and often-times react badly to things that would otherwise be no big deal.
that said, i am convinced there are some conditions that leave people unable to love or receive love, indeed, in my experience, those with extremely developed narcissistic personality disorders and true-blue sociopaths are so self-absorbed and so bend on using others that they seem to lack to the ability to see beyond their own noses - that said, only a professional is able to asses your girlfriend, so you're best off not trying to play amateur shrink.
just love her as much and as long as you able, and if it gets to hard on you, accept that you may not be the right person she needs in her life, or that you need in yours.
best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): i'm a very depressed person myself who now goes to therapy, thanks to my boyfriend actually helping me get help. he even goes to my appointments with me because i want him to understand me better. anyway, back to the answer..
its kind like one of those mean granny's that just don't know how to say nice things, you have to learn to look past the typical way of love being expressed, and see she has a different way of showing hers. you should encourage her to seek some help, (lots of places offer assistance to people if you don't have insurance) and she probably loves you but doesn't show it in a way that forces her to take down her depression walls that she generally depends on to be happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): You're saying what I think my boyfriend must think of me sometimes. I don't know what kind of behavior she does to make you think she's incapable of showing love but I know I have some sort of mental block that stops me from feeling strong emotions, especially loving or nice emotions. Although I do feel anger. I attribute this to my past drug use and unaffectionate parents. I do think that I will get over my detatched feeling I still have from the drugs someday but I think the way my parents raised me is there for good. I read somewhere that people have different attachment styles when it comes to relating to other people through life. Some people who's parents weren't very lovong or always too busy for them , they don't know how to bond with others normally because they never properly bonded with their parents. Or they don't rely on others for love, security or companionship because they learned very young to not need anyone else bacause their parents weren't there for them so to speak. Same thing for people with smothering parents may become clingy, insecure adults. I dont know. But one good clue would be to check out how her parents treat eachother and everyone else. Loving, affectionate, dismissive or otherwise? But if you actually love her then try to convince her she needs therapy. I know my relationship would improve if I worked on breaking down my wall. But with her it may not be a wall, it may just be a totally new thing to her. Good luck
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 December 2010):
 She may well not be capable of loving you in the way she might were she physically and mentally/emotionally strong and healthy. However, she most likely does appreciate and value your love and support.
You sound very understanding: you recognize that her problems are indeed severe. Depression is an illness, not just a case of "the blues" which hits us all occasionally. She is, I would hope, under a doctor's care?
Make sure you take care of you, and get plenty of fresh air, exercise, time with friends and adequate sleep and a good diet.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to add, her condition is severe (sometimes suicidal) depression and anxiety
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