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anonymous
writes: I had a miscarriage about 4 weeks ago. I'm seventeen and didn't want the baby. It wasn't planned and I was only about 2 weeks pregnant. I found out after I had the miscarriage. The problem is now my boyfriend acts different a lot of the time. I try to tell him how I feel; he listens but that's about it. It really scares me that it will happen again. I'm on the pill so it shouldn't. Why do feel like this so much?
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reader, sammi +, writes (25 March 2005):
Oh Sweety, I am sorry, but first things first: boys are completly different in the way they deal with things, so just be patient with him. It possibly hasn't sunk in to him yet, so relax. As long as he doesn't blame you and he understands that unfortunately these things do happen. Best wishes hunni, take care of yourself!
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 March 2005):
 I'll bet your boyfriend is scared that it might happen again, too. When you try to talk to him about it you're exploring your feelings, but he's probably reminded of just how close you two came to being really, really young parents, and how unready he felt for the responsibility. Young men aren't really all that great at discussing their feelings at the best of times (it's perceived as "not manly") and this incident has probably given him profoundly mixed feelings. Among them are probably all or some of the following: a tiny taste of pride and/or exhilaration at having caused a pregancy, regret at losing that baby, fear that it might happen again and worry that it might not. In other words, like you, he probably doesn't know what to think.In addition, your becoming pregnant throws your current relationship into a stark outline for him. He may be wondering if your relationship is strong enough to withstand the pressure of pregnancy and child-rearing and whether he's ready to embark on that particular journey with you. That's something that's going through your mind too. Or if it's not, it should be.You would be doing him a favour if you could get him to talk about it, even to a male friend, so that he can straighten out in his mind how he feels and start to get himself back on an even keel. However, it's unlikely he will want to discuss it with anyone, because he's probably very confused just now. Try to be there to support each other, maybe even grieve for the lost embryo if that feels natural, then try to move on together.In the practical meantime, for both your sakes, I'd be recommending you use a back-up method of contraception until you get a chance to visit your gynaecologist and check that the pill is working for you.
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