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anonymous
writes: Will I ever trust my boyfriend?We have been together for nearly 2 years but I feel as if I don't trust him. My last serious boyfriend cheated on me loads of times but I never knew until after we had split up. He hasn't given me any reasons why not to trust him, yet he hasn't given me any reasons to trust him either! When I'm with him I love every second of it, but when he is out with his mates I am constantly thinking, "What is he doing?" "Who is he with?" "What girls are there?"Will I ever grow out of this (not trusting him) or is there no hope??max
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female
reader, klinda  +, writes (29 August 2010):
Wow...ok, girls, I'm older...but I got the same issues, so don't expect it to go away....
I am a single, eligible, older, considered a good lookin' bachelorette...who met the same.... uhhh.....till I found out he likes porn by accident.....he thinks its no big deal?? I almost tried to join in?? oh crap....all men are un-trustworthy! WOW! took me to get this age to realize this?... I think I'll go bak to my outdoor life!!!
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female
reader, Curiousbynature +, writes (22 July 2008):
I think this is a common problem after the occurance of a cheating significant other. Once someone cheats or is untrustworty it makes relationships really hard. I think the only way you can 100% get over the cheating curse is to get help. Help is as easy as, you just need someone unbias to talk to, a group session, or even a seminar. No matter how noraml you are, if you have been cheated on, even just one time, you will have future problems with trust. I really recomend seeking help. I did it, and I can finally believe my boyfriend is out not wanting anyone else. That is a very difficult feeling to get back. And also, the worrying and the torture you put yourself through will not make your boyfriend any less likely to cheat. So get over it and just think, he does love me and why would he even dare cheat on me. And the quicker you get over this trust "issue" the better your relationship will flow.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): I feel the same way. Its a horrible feeling. I feel like i can't completely be I love with him because I hold soooo much back because I am afriad to trust him. Thi sucks. I constantly accuse him of thing I think he could do. My previous boyfriend of six years was a habitual cheater ans I think this has made me who I am today...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): I completely understand!!! I have been with my guy for almost two years as well, and i love him a lot, but for some reason, i can never seem to shake the idea that he might not be honest with me. i hate myself for doubting him, but is it really safe to trust anyone ever?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): i have found myself in the same situation but i think you should listen to your heart that will tell you the right thing you should do he might just need a little bit of time and space to think
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): I understand completely where you are coming from as I face the same issue. I am coming to the realization that I am in love with my boyfriend, but I don't trust him. It will eventually destroy our relationship. So what do I do? I am debating whether or not to stay in it. We plan on getting married. He was in love with me and cheated on his fiancee, decided to stay with her, then eventually broke it off and now we are together. I feel I cannot trust him even though he says all of this happened because he was (and is) in love with me. I will go to counseling to figure this all out. In the end its about a false sensce of security. Noone will ever know for sure if their mate is faithful. Its up to you to decide if you can trust him or not. Its up to you do decide if you should stay, not wondering if he's cheating or not, but deciding wheather you deserve to feel better about yourself and your relationship. I feel your pain, sister.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2005): I'm dealing with this one myself. Actually, I even put my relationship on hold because I didn't know if I still loved the guy or not, because my feelings change very easily with these type of things. But this is what people have said so far to me, since I'm in the exact same spot (and mine's long-distance!):Trust him. If there's no cold, hard evidence, and he's been trustworthy in your eyes, then give him all the trust he deserves. And grow up about it, like the last answer says.I know I need to.
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reader, Martin +, writes (25 March 2005):
Trust is usually something that is earnt, but to be fair when you agree to a relationship there is usually some trust already there. If he has given you no reason to distrust him but no reason to trust him, give him the benefit of the doubt. He will probably surprise you, not all of us men are the same, some of us are worthy of trust and will never willingly break it.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (23 March 2005):
 Maybe you're already aware of this on some level, but this isn't about your boyfriend; this is about you.It's about why you think that you don't measure up to other people. It's about your self-esteem issues. And ultimately it's going to be about you being brave enough to give him plenty of space so that he can CHOOSE you, out of all the other women on the planet.For whatever reason, you think that there's something wrong with your company and that your boyfriend has just been... what? Teasing? Humouring you? Pretending to like you? Rehearsing for a big Hollywood role?In actual fact, your boyfriend likes you. After all, there were other women in the world when you came into his life and for nearly two years, he's ignored their siren calls and been with you. That has to tell you something, surely?You have to keep reminding yourself that NO ONE can steal your boyfriend away from you. He can go of his own free will at any time, and that's always been the case. Other women simply being present, or being friends with him, are not a threat to you.It isn't up to your boyfriend to "give you a reason" to believe that he sincerely wants to be with you. Trust is a fundamental issue in every relationship. You're cheating him out of his share of trust by worrying yourself sick over something that you can't change and he shouldn't have to feel guilty for having some aspects of his life without you.Think of it this way: Either he A) loves you as he says he does, and is going to stay with you, despite the occasional temptation, or B) is lying through his teeth, sleeping with every girl who'll have him and is only ever seconds away from leaving you.If the correct answer is B, do you really want him anyway?So, yes, it is up to you to grow up about this. And you should resolve to do that soon, or you'll risk driving him away from you by sheer neediness. Give him some respect and some space and trust that he'll do the right thing by you, too.Like anyone else, he deserves your trust.
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