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anonymous
writes: I am about to wed to a woman from another country,she has a daughter nearly 16 yrs old now,my question is how can i make things easier for all concerned,when they come over here to stay help them settle especially the daughter who will still be going to school here. any advice would be helpful please. huk Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 February 2005):
 Hi there,You don't say from what country your wife and step-daughter are coming, but there's a good chance that your local Council will have some programs to assist migrants in settling into the community.Speaking as a migrant myself, one of the hardest hurdles to overcome is the absence of familiar things: manners of dress, comfort foods, the home language, cultural events, friends' faces. If you think about the things that you'd miss if you were moving to a foreign culture - things like Christmas holidays or chocolate ice cream - you can't go too far wrong. As I said, speak with your Council and see if they have programs for immigrants to meet other residents from their country, etc. Also, you might consider buying a prepaid phone cards, so she and her daughter can ring friends whenever they want to and stay in touch.Try to find places where they might locate foods that they are used to, be they a gourmet green grocer's or a halal butchery, or even a mail-order website.Your step-daughter is going to be the one making the biggest adjustment, because she probably had little say in the move. And she's just at that cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat age, too. Give her plenty of room, try to introduce her to kids her own age, but set firm guidelines (her mother should be backing you up on this, of course) about where she goes and with whom. Finally, be available to talk, but don't expect her to. Just be open, patient and offer to do things together, all three of you. At best, she'll come around. At worst... well, she'll be 18 in a few years...Good luck to you.
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