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anonymous
writes: my boyfriend thinks its time to start having sex im 14 and not sure what to do. can u please help me ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): DO NOT DO IT!! if this guy keeps pressuring you do have sex with him then he doesn't really love you and just wants sex. i say wait till marriage but if that's not for you wait till your sure and that this guy actually cares and isn't forcing you. the fact that you even asked this question is proof enough you're not ready. when you have sex there should be no doubt in your mind.
:] hope this helped
good luck
A reader, olivia, writes (12 March 2005): I'm sorry for you, but listen girl, you should not have sex until you're older and smarter. He might even leave you after you have sex with him. Please from my heart don't have sex with him.
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A reader, Penny, writes (9 March 2005): Oh Please don't have sex. However sensible you are you are far too young. If this boy cannot accept that, stay away. You have a whole lifetime for all the complications a sex life brings. At the very least wait until you are of an age at which it is legal - which is another two years away. Try not to have sex for its own sake and wait until you are with someone you really trust not to hurt you immediately afterwards in the many ways he could.Much love, a friend
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A reader, jess, writes (7 March 2005): I don't think you're ready.. Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into sex! I'm 15 and my bf pressured me into it when I was 14... it hurt and I felt so used... DONT DO IT!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2005): I first had sex at 16, I was'nt sure whether I was ready but did it with my boyfriend at a house party with my my best friend and her boyfriend in the room. I regretted it, I realised I was'nt ready. I was so strong after that mistake because I did'nt want it to happen again and because I would'nt let it. We did'nt do it for the rest of the 8 months we went out together. My boyfriend accepted no sex far easier than I thought because he cuould tell that I was not going to accept being pushed after that first time. If I'd have realised he would accept it that easy before I would never have done it with him.I also realised now that although he pressured me, he was'nt ready either and thats why he was willing to accept no sex for 8 mths after, it was rubbish for both of us and a waste. If only we'd have been honest before.If you rush into it and end up disliking him for it you will always have that on your mind through the rest of your relationship and it could ruin things in the future for you both anyway.I tried again when I was 17 with a different boyfriend who I had been with for 6 months and it was nice. That year growing up made all the difference and a boyfriend who was prepared to wait 6 months also made a difference.The first time is always scary and will never be perfect, but you know when you feel a lot more safe and at ease and thats with someone who waits (however long it takes you!)
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A reader, Saudia, writes (3 March 2005): Hello, I think that you should not let him choose for you when it is time to have sex. You should wait until you are ready to have sex. Plus, you are still young and need to live your life out proud. Enjoy doing what 14 year old girls should do. Tell him that you are not ready and that you want to wait. That for now you want to spend more time together and explore new things in your relationship. Don't let him pressure you. Be wise and make your own decision. The important part of the relationship should be honesty. So that means be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Remember also that you are a female and that your body is important. That means that you should take care of your body and choose what it right for it. Just protect your-self, body, and spirit as a young lady and make sure you make the right choice.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 March 2005):
 Hi,Remember, you're 50% of this relationship; therefore your opinion counts just as much as his!Do YOU feel like it's time to have sex? Why or why not? Sorry to sound like a "life studies" textbook here, but you clearly aren't ready for a sexual relationship, no matter what your boyfriend "thinks it's time" for. (By the way, he sounds pretty arrogant!)Therefore, you don't have sex until YOU'RE ready.You need to tell him that, soon, and in a way that you're comfortable with. Your virginity and your body belong to you and you're perfectly within your rights to say, "No. I don't think I'm ready for that yet." And he has to respect your decision.If you're worried that he might leave you over this issue, then don't. If he really loves and respects you, he'll appreciate that you were candid enough to admit that you're not ready for sex yet, and he'll understand. He might not be happy about it, but he'll understand. Somebody who is committed to you won't push you into doing anything, just to please him.If he dumps you (or threatens to) because you won't have sex with him, then it's unfortunately going to be obvious that he views you as a little more than a mobile vagina whose function is to satisfy his rampant urges, and not as a whole person. If that's the case, he's not worth your love, and you'd be well rid of him.So, here's my advice: tell him that you don't feel ready for sex yet, but that you want to stay together. Encourage him to talk to you about it and see what he says. But don't feel pressured into having sex just because he wants it. That's the worst possible reason to do it, and it won't be any fun for you if you aren't that keen in the first place.Here's another reason not to have sex with him just in order to keep him around: he might not stay anyway. Some guys want to "sample the goods", then wander off after the novelty is gone.When you do feel totally ready to give yourself to your boyfriend, you'll know it, and it will happen. Be sure that you have plenty of condoms around - no balloon, no party! - and have fun.-B
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