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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my fiancee for a year and a half. We got engaged 6 months ago.When we first met, life was great but I seem to be losing interest .Sex life is very low because she is either too tired or has a sore back .When I ask a question she bites my head off when I reply.Can anyone give me advice?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 March 2005):
 The best advice I can give you is to defer the wedding plans. You don't have to cancel the plans outright, but both of you should admit that this isn't the right foot on which to start out a life together and you need to work on communicating better before you'll be ready for marriage.Relationships are often easier in the first few months, because you have the first flush of lust and everything is sparkling and new about each other, and these things help disguise any problems that you might encounter.As time wears on, that rush fades and a couple can get to where you are now. Believe me, simply going through the wedding ceremony isn't going to fix the underlying problem with the lack of sex, your losing interest in your girlfriend, or her testiness. If anything, it will simply add to the pressures you're already facing. There's something going on between you and you need to find out what it is!Ask your fiancee if she will please, please go to couples' counselling with you, where you can talk to a neutral third party who can ask the right questions to get both your issues out in the open.She may be going through a period of low self-esteem and is hating the way she looks, which could be the reason she's reluctant to have sex more often. She might then be sensitive to criticism from you, which is why she's so snappish. That's just one possible suggestion, intended to demonstrate that the problems could be interrelated and fixable.Talk to her and tell her that you want to fix what's wrong BEFORE you two get married. Ask if she'll be involved in counselling with you. But even if she won't, you can go on your own and get insights into her behaviour, so you can make a decision about what to do next. Check the government section of the phone book to find low-cost counselling services.Be strong and good luck.
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