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anonymous
writes: There is a boy in my class at school and he recently asked me out and he is still waiting on my answer... but I really like, possibly even love, this boy Steven in my class. The boy who asked me out I was talking to and he said that he really likes this girl in my class. Should Ii go out with the boy or should I chance my luck with the other boy who in the summer I am going on holiday with? The boy I fancy is gorgeous and everyone thinks so. Whereas the boy who is asking me out is OK looking, but I think the other popular girls will laugh at me if I say yes. I am really really self conscious, I have no self confidence. What should I do?Please help
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 February 2005):
 Hi,This may shock and stun you, but the "popular girls" aren't going out with you or the boy, so who gives a stuff what they think?Here's a suggestion for you: don't worry about what other people think, or say, regarding your personal life. If they try to make fun of you for any decision that you're happy with, smile and ask, "Why would I care what *you* think?" Don't be scared or run off. The longer you keep smiling, the more embarrassed the "popular girls" will get, because their popularity is such an insubstantial thing that they are TERRIFIED that someone will destroy it by not caring about their opinion. (It took me decades to work that out!)Now, to get back to the two boys, ask yourself which of the two is more interesting company? Which boy is more fun to be around? That's the boy you want to go out with, whatever he looks like. Don't be too focussed on being in love with one or the other... you might learn to loathe them both! Going out with boys is about learning about people. Love (if it comes at all) comes much later.Good looks are fine, but they aren't very entertaining, unless there's something behind them, so always try to go out with people who are smart and fun, over those who are only attractive. Besides, drop-dead gorgeous guys tend to go out with equally-stunning girls. It's the law of the jungle...No matter who you decide to go out with, make sure that you are kind and gentle to the boy you turn down. I can't emphasise that strongly enough. Especially at a young age, egos are fragile, and if you're not careful in declining you could hurt one of these boys deeply, for years. Just put yourself in his shoes, OK?And don't worry about the self-confidence thing. As you get to know people and find your own personal strengths, your confidence will gradually rise.Have fun!-B
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