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anonymous
writes: I was in a relationship with a women I love very much for 5 years. Bottom line, we broke up.We broke up on July 4th 2004. I read in my newspaper a month or so ago she has got married. I haven't talked to her for the last 5 months. I got an email from her saying hello. I sent one back and said hi. I didn't think much of it.Well I get 2nd email, same thing: a basic hello, and that she saw my brother at the local bar. Also says she still has my number..lol. Well this was this morning, I got this 2nd mail.Not a half hour after reading it I get a phone call from her. Doesn't say much, just hi how are you..blah blah. And also says she stopped by last Friday early in the morning but didn't come to the door and left.Anyway she says she has to go just wanted to say hi. I'm on my computer and about 300am she pops up on messenger, but again only said it was nice to chat with me on phone. I love this girl, she's only been married 3 months and now is doing this...What do you think is going on? I'm wondering what some of you ladies would read into this, if anything. I still love her and this is getting me so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2005): If you're prepared to do it, It's a case of wait and see. I have a similar situation where I broke up with my girlfriend last April. She had met someone else but only after I said I couldn't leave my wife. She begged me to do so but when I did she basically said she wanted to give her new relationship a try.After trying all through the summer to win her back, she finally told me to leave her alone and have no more contact with her.Six weeks later she starts texting saying "sorry for hurting [me]", then others followed saying stuff like "do you remember this time last year we were in London together" and "I do still love you and know we are soulmates", The bottom line is if you're happy in a relationship you don't contact your ex!So it's up to you. If you want to put your life on hold then be polite back but don't push her on the subject of having a relationship again as she may pull away. I made that mistake and started pressuring her and she's pulled away. I've now discovered that she's expecting a baby in 4 weeks, which begs the question why on earth has she been texting over the last 7 months that she still loves me etc and yet carrying someone else's baby!Best of luck with it
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 March 2005):
 Hi,This must be so confusing and stressful for you, given your history together!I'd suggest that your ex's marriage isn't turning out quite the way she'd dreamt. If she didn't meet her husband until after you two broke up, then it was a pretty whirlwind engagement, and she might have been on the rebound from you. In the intervening 6-8 months she wouldn't have had enough time to really get to know her husband as well as she knew you and he might have flaws that she was willing to overlook when they were going out, but that grate when she has to live with them every day.If the marriage isn't what she expected or wanted, she's remembering her times with you, through the proverbial rose-tinted lenses. She's conveniently forgotten the reason(s) why you broke up and she's focussing on the "perfection" that you two had during your years together. She's popping up because she knows (or feels confident) that you miss her and want her, and she probably could use an ego stroke or two through your attention.The big question is: what do you get out of this new development? Well, unless and until she's willing to leave her husband to get back together with you, you pretty much get stuff-all.That hardly seems fair. Though if you're really lonely and not seeing anyone, it might be a pleasant enough fantasy for a while.The main problem is of course that she's no longer available and you can't have her back at this time of her life, so it's all a bit of a tease to you. A woman with your best interests at heart, who really loved you, wouldn't subject you to such a tease.I would counsel you to be courteous when she pops up on Messenger or on email, but to be distant. She hasn't said to you "Oh, you great hunk of man! I so want you back!" She's said, "hi" and "just wanted to see how you are", so there's nothing there to pin hopes on.You leave yourself open to prolonging the heartache if you allow her to use you for her personal cuddly toy whenever she needs a lift, if you get nothing in return. Avoid it. Return her 'hi' and you hope that she's doing well, but say that it's too painful to try to be Just Friends.Or you could take another tack entirely and tell her you want her back desperately, if she'll only leave whatshisname and come to you. That's your call, but from this woman's perspective, you're bein' used, hon.Take care.
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