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anonymous
writes: I am starting to hate life. I'm 12 and I have been bullied all my life. My hair is slightly grey and I am short, I have at the moment got a gang of 15-17 year olds after me, I am rubbish at school and my parents tell me to get on with life!Can you help, please!!!!!!!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 March 2005):
 Hi there,Don't hate Life, hon. There's only one alternative and Death isn't such great shakes, either.Fair enough if you hate *your* life... That's OK, because you can change /your/ life, but don't make the mistake of thinking that living is bad, just because things are hard right now.The situations that you describe in your letter will change, and in fact, you can make them change for the better.So that you don't start feeling overwhelmed, I suggest that you make yourself a list of the problems that you have right now and note to yourself if they're intractable (they'll never change). That way you can see what you can fix about your life and what you have to learn to cope with.Starting with being 12. How long will that go on? No more than a year, I guarantee it. Soon you'll be 13, you'll have different classes at school, different teachers and a different 'take' on your life. Age doesn't matter; it's how old you *act* that people notice.Then have a look at your complaint about you hair. Is it being slightly grey such a major problem? For a small cost, you can get a packet of tint, and try some new shade. Can you save some pocket money, or do extra jobs around the house to earn a bit? Would your folks be willing to fund some hair-colour if you explained how the grey is getting you down? They might. It's worth asking.There isn't much you can do about being "short", but again, is that such a problem? One of the synonyms for short is "petite", which is a body-size a lot of grown women would walk all over their grandmothers to have. Maybe this is a matter for positive thinking and "spin doctoring".Being bullied is something you need to ask for help to conquer. There's no shame in that. If there are really a whole "gang" of kids after you, you need to tell a trusted teacher, or your parents, so that the school administration can protect you from them. This isn't an unusual situation, but it's potentially harmful to your person and to your attitude towards school. You need to speak up to someone who can help get these kids off your back. Talk to a school counsellor, or a teacher, or best of all, your folks, tell them you're worried about these kids and that they're making it hard for you to concentrate. Your parents want you safe; they will help.Lastly, being "rubbish" at school is something ONLY you can change. Why are you rubbish? Do you not understand the basics? Did you miss some crucial information early in the term? Are you not completing assignments? This is where you get to practice acting like the adult you're going to be in a couple of years. You go to your teacher(s) and ask to speak to them after class about your problem. Then you tell them that you're having difficulties keeping up and you want to change that. Ask if there is make-up work you can do. Ask if there is another student who can tutor you privately. Ask if you can re-take tests you've missed.What it comes down to is not being a victim and telling yourself "Oh, this is all too hard for me" and doing nothing. If you're unhappy with the way things are going in your life, you need to take steps to change them. Take little steps, make them manageable and keep at it. It won't be long before you'll be out of school and looking after yourself, and even though it's hard right now, this is how you learn adult responsibilities: by handling the problems you have when you're 12.Take care, don't be afraid!Good luck!
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