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anonymous
writes: I want to know what I should do nowSince meeting with a woman online who I felt I loved, and feel perhaps maybe I still do in a way, I have a constant sadness in me.I am not attracted to her and it has got where, I have lied to her about how I feel in that regard. I wish that I could say looks don't matter to me, but my mind is telling me otherwise. Ii have tried to ignore this feeling, but it is always there.And yet, she is so sweet and kind, and I can't bring myself to leave her in this world alone as I can tell by how she is that she will not go out and meet another. In her eyes, I am the one and this hurts me so much, only because I cannot feel the same wayI want to know if in a relationship I should feel a spark, a heart flutter when a partner looks at me..... Is this real, as this is my first girlfriend and this isn't the case. I've felt it before as a young boy, but I don't know if it lasts in a relationship.....should I stay or should I go? Tto stay I feel would be living a lie with her, but to go would break her heart, and mine I think, for hurting herplease help
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female
reader, agentsilv  +, writes (30 June 2008):
Please don't do it. I did that with someone for 6 years because I loved them so much and we had such a great time together. They were very physically attractive, but for some reason I just didn't feel it. I kept breaking up with them and running after other people and it was so mean and hurtful.
We broke up 2 years ago and I am still missing them terribly, because we were so close. I wish we had never dated!! :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): I am going through a similar situation. I met this guy about six months ago. I didn't like him at first, but then I started noticing his smile and realized that I liked him a little bit. I approached him and we've been dating for about 3 months. Things between us are going good. I like him,care about him and his well being, but lately I have realized that as much as I like him as a person, I no longer feel attracted to him. I don't know what I should do, but I think that I am going to break up with him. Hopefully, we can remain friends since he is one of the nices, coolest, and smartest person I have ever met in my life, but I can not make myself like him as a man. I suggest you talk to her and tell her how you feel because the more time passes by the hardest it will become. TRUST ME!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I actually just did the same thing with with my GF...I wasn't feeling anything more than friendship in the relationship and had to bring myself to be honest enough with her to tell her. She was absolutely crushed and I felt absolutely horrible for doing it at the time. Shortly thereafter I was SO glad I told her and could move-on with my life, and she could move on with hers to find someone that can reciprocate those loving feelings. VERY tough to do but it is the only RIGHT thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): First, I really think you should get over your-self..This girl might hurt, but if you dont lover her like she loves you. Then you owe it to her to let her go and be with someone who can lover her. But, I also think you need to realize that friendship is really important...i'm dating a girl now, who i'm not extremely attracted to, but her sense of humor and personality make me over look the attraction part...The more i get to know her, the more i'm attracted to her...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): same situation with me. plus we met online, but in the photos she sent me she looked way more attractive than in real life. she's lovely but also has some annoying traits, and i dont find her that attractive. there are personality and physical things i find irritating. but i dont want to hurt her by breaking up with her :-( we get along well and have great conversation so i feel fickle being so focused on appearances. but i have to keep telling myself 'im not that attractive, i dont deserve someone better looking' to make me overlook the fact that i dont find her beautiful. woe is me :-(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): Exactly the same situation... and it's horrible. It's so good in fact you confuse it with something else when all ti really is is deep friendship, the kind that doesn't come along very often. Love isn't about the heart flutters and the butterflies... but it usually starts out like that because the first thing you do when you meet someone is gage whether you are sexually attracted to someone. There can be sex without love, and there can be love without sex but love that will hold for ages, you will have both. If you don't want her sexually now, whats it going to be like in 2/3 months down the line.
I found myself turning away from my girlfriend at night so i didn't have to kiss her. She deserves more than this and deserves to be loved without making compromises. I have talked to her about this, and it is no fault of your own - you cannot help your feelings, they are feelings after all and if we could control them, we would not be human.
Good luck, i hope it works out for you x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): i still love my ex girlfriend, but i no that just becus i love her its not a good enuf reason to be with her! she rly loves me and everything else, but when i was with her i felt abused and was not happy, but i still cared for her and everything else! she wants me back and i fear that i will fall in the same situation, but im being strong! shes so hung up tho...i feel bad and i do love her i suppose but i dnt want to be with her! thats fair enuf right?or is it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): I am in the same situation. I've been going out with someone for about 2 months and the relationship should become more physically intimate, but I am just not attracted to her and I don't have feelings for her.
Sad~
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): I'm in exact same situation as you. She wants marriage, kids, the white picket fense. I just feel stuck and depressed. I'm living with her, she wants to go do things, I just don't want to go out with her. Shes so sweet and nice, I'm just so miserable.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Beleive me she will find another.. I just had to tell my girl friend of a year in a half.. that i was not attracted to her.. eventhough all her inner beauty i would die for. She went balistic at me and was in a rage... but she new something was a miss... and all she wanted to know what it was.. because it will eat at her inside trying to figure out what is wrong between you and her.. when it just how you feel... tell her she will get past it.. it just takes time....
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A reader, Mike, writes (24 March 2005): Hello,The Bev is right. My girlfriend just broke up with me (she did exactly what you are doing) and it only hurt me more. Be direct with her (Just like Bev said). Tell her you need to talk, and that you just don't think things are working out.I know breaking up is never easy, but if you continue on you WILL end up hurting her worse. Whatever you do, don't set it up like a casual conversation or a date. Instead use something like, "We Need To Talk," this will give her some warning so she will be expecting it.God Bless,Mike
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 March 2005):
 You're sweet to want to spare her feelings, but this is definitely one of those cruel-to-be-kind situations.Drawn out to its logical conclusion, your continuing to lie to her in this way is going to end up with her becoming more attached to you, and you pulling away as you grow to resent her. Are you going to marry her, settle down and wait for the grandkids... all the while feeling like you don't really love her? Of course not. Better to face a small trauma now, than a big one later.You don't have to break her heart, but you should be direct. Try to be a personal as you can (e.g. NO text messaging!) If you've only met online, it's probably easier than it would be if she were gazing adoringly into your eyes.Set aside a single contact (email, phone, chat, whatever you use). Be friendly and upbeat, but don't let the conversation drag on too long. Tell her that this is very hard for you to say, because you do care about her, but the relationship isn't working out because you feel that the two of you don't 'work' together the way your heart tells you that you should. You don't have to go into specifics about appearances and the 'spark' you don't think you have.You'll also tell her that you're so sorry to hurt her, but you want each of you to be free to find someone who loves you completely and without reservation. Although you know she cares specially about you, you've realised that you don't return that special feeling of love.Then you have to start to pull away. Be less available for contact by not replying straightaway to emails, messaging etc. When you do, try not to be emotionally involved.It's really hard to do, and Yes, she will absolutely be hurt. But her attachment to you will only grow with time, so it's best to tell her soon. I've had this situation happen to me with an email lover and we were able to remain friends, eventually.Try not to allow yourself to be manipulated by cajoling and empty threats ( the "I can't live without you!" sort of thing).Clearly, next time you meet someone online, you're going to want to exchange photos earlier on, so think about what went wrong here, and resolve not to make the same mistakes in future.Good luck, dearie.
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