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anonymous
writes: I'm a gay guy who has always known my sexuality and came out when I was 18 and I've always had closer friendships with females. But recently I have found myself falling for a lady who is one of my best friends at my work place. We go out for drinks as mates but I can't help feeling like I want more.My friend said I should just forget about it, and I've tried to but I can't stop thinking about her.I am terrified about this as I've never had any kind of romantic feelings towards a lady in my life. What should I do??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): i think that looks dont matter for alot of people if thats what you feel like when you have dated men then why cant you feel that way about women but make sure its somethink you can do you dont want to hert her that would be just be using her if she is a good friend to you, you should tell her and she may help you to understand your feeling i myself have felt like you do but when it came to boiling point i knew it wasnt true to myself and without being aware of it i was being somethink that my parents wanted me to be and other people that hated my true feelings just make sure it not for all the wrong reasons but mabe because these are true feelings
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Go for it!
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female
reader, Piper1 +, writes (15 August 2005):
Hello,
Looks like the last time someone responded to your "dilema" was back in March. I ran across your situation and was amazed that I am in the very same position as your woman friend. I am a 39 year old straight woman and my best frend who I work with is a 41 year old gay man. We have had a very close relationship for nearly three years and I know he is fighting romantic feelings for me because he's is gay. There have been too many instances to count where I have found him staring/gazing from across the room, making romantic eye contact with me and standing behind me so close I can feel his breath on my neck, never being overly enthusiastice about men I date. He insists he is 100% gay and not at all bisexual, it's come up a couple times when he would get somwhat jealous over a conversation I would have with a man. He has not yet come out to his family, they are very conservative midwesterners and he says he does not want to hurt them....I get along with them very well and they think (hope) we are dating due to our obvious compatibility and chemistry. I wish he would talk to me about his feelings, its gone on way too long. So I say, talk to her! Why do people need to fit in a box? Sometimes you cant help who you fall in love with.
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reader, Soul sister +, writes (31 March 2005):
hi,This is my advice to you.If you know this woman as a mate you will probably be attracted to her personality rather than her. This woman may only be attracting you because she's kind and caring and your obviously not getting that out of a relationship at the moment so you just feel like you deserve more, which you do.Good luck!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 March 2005):
 Hi,It's not that uncommon to fall for a close friend. After all, you share a special intimacy with your friends, both male and female, and you spend "quality time" together, doing fun things. Not only that, but you get to know each other so well, share stories, history and secrets together that a romantic/sexual attraction isn't at all unusual, from time to time.It is different in your case, since you're gay and (presumably) satisfied with your sexuality, but this is not that different from a straight woman who finds she's attracted to one of her female friends.Trying to put it out of your mind is sort of a last-ditch effort, don't you think? It's not such a crime to have an occasional hetero interest! It wouldn't be the end of the world if you confided in your friend that you're stunned to find yourself attracted and thinking about her constantly. (I'll bet she's flattered.)Give yourself a chance to think about what are the best-case and worst-case scenarios if you come clean about your attraction. Do you see yourself in a relationship with her, touching or kissing her, or having sex with her? Would you be devastated or relieved if she said thanks-but-I'm-not-interested?Also give some thought to what it is about her that you find so appealing. For example, is she strong in areas where you think you're weak? Is she kind to small animals? Are you both interested in the same kinds of men? ;o)I'd suggested talking to her about it. Tell her about it lightheartedly, as a kind of "you-won't-believe this" story and see where it goes. Unless she's a cold-hearted dragon woman, I can't think of any response other than her being flattered and slightly startled herself.In the end, there are all shades of grey in the sexuality spectrum. Perhaps you're a little more bi than you thought. Is that such a bad thing?Good luck!
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