| A ,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for 5 years on and off. I'm at the point now though that I don't know if we can carry on. He has cheated on me twice. With the second girl, he left me and stayed with her for 8 months, but then got back with me. But when we got back together he told me he loves her more and had a lot more fun with her. A couple of months later we found out she was pregnant, and the baby is 95% his, but he says he doesn't care and won't even acknowledge it might be his. A year later she lives 3 doors down, and every day I pass her in the street or see her walk past my window. Seeing her reminds me of his infidelity and what he said. I got upset and he gets really mad at me saying I should be over it by now. He says if I can't get over it, he doesn't want to be with me. I love him loads, he is my first love and we have a beautiful 3 year old together, but I can't go on being upset and him yelling at me. What should I do?
View related questions:
cheated on me, got back together, infidelity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 March 2005):
 Hi,You didn't used to be a carpet in a past life, by any chance..?Just checking.I only ask, because this... I hesitate to use the word 'man'... this... person is trampling you and every other person with whom he's had a sexual relationship, right into the mud. He's arrogant, he's insensitive. He's a cheater... twice, that you know about. He's a deadbeat dad. He obviously doesn't give a toss about his newest child, or the feelings of the two women who are the mothers to his growing brood. He's a poor excuse for a boyfriend and you'd be well-advised to run, screaming, for the hills with your child in tow. And yet, you write that you love him "loads". May one ask why? Re-reading the letter a couple of times, I can't see anywhere where you can defend his actions, support his decisions or even find anything remotely nice that ever he's done for you or either of his (acknowledged) children, that would justify your love for him. In fact, he's berated you for being disappointed in HIS cheating.Get away from this lousy role-model! Go somewhere and find someone who actually loves you, instead of browbeating you into thinking that his sleeping with you for a while - until he's distracted by someone else - is the same as a loving relationship.Leave him. Leave him. Leave him.In case, you missed it, here it is again: Leave him. Take your child and find a decent man, who respects you.This one sounds absolutely worthless; a rude, insenstive, cheating bastard. I'm not usually this blunt, and I will always try to see both sides of any relationship problem, but this one is cut and dried, dearie. It comes down to these facts: he's sleeps with other women, fathers children with them, then comes back to you AND TELLS YOU THAT THEY WERE MORE FUN IN THE SACK THAN YOU ARE! Then he has the gall to yell at you for noticing your child's unacknowledged half-sibling, passing by your door. Eek. Is this what you want? Forever? This is the person you want your child to look up to as the role-model for male behaviour? This is the person that you want teaching your child about how men treat women and what a loving family is like? Please say you don't!Look, hon. This guy might have been your first love, but that doesn't make him the only one you'll ever have. There are so many lovely men in the world, ones who'd care for you and cherish you and do all they could to make you happy... Why would you pick such a capital-L loser as your partner?You might be receiving a subtle message through this answer that I think you need a new boyfriend. That's true, but you'll even improve your self-esteem if you leave him and DON'T get another boyfriend for a while.Even if you live alone with your child, you'll be better off than you are now. This guy is running you into the ground and ensuring that you have a low self-opinion, so you'll continue to worship him as some sort of sexual god. He's not and you deserve better.Go. Please!
|
