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anonymous
writes: When me and my girlfriend tried to have sex for the first time I couldn't get hard. I want to have sex but when we try it goes soft. Also when we are "fooling around" it gets hard and cum comes out little by little. Is this the problem? How can I prevent both of the problems from happening? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 March 2005):
 The second part of your question is easy... There isn't anything wrong with you. Most people refer to the clear liquid before you ejaculate as "pre-cum" and it's common to just about all men. Don't worry about it; it means you're normal.The first part of the question is more difficult, but only because you are the only one who knows what was going on in your mind when you and your girlfriend were trying to have sex.If you were anxious about being "good", or if she was concerned about discomfort, or if you were trying to hurry... All of these things can contribute to a temporary inability to get an erection. Again, that makes you normal.If you get normal erections when you're "fooling around", if you wake up with an erection in the mornings, if you can masturbate to porn etc, then you're probably fine and healthy and what you need to do with your girlfriend is simply take your time. Don't rush things and don't feel like you have to go for vaginal sex straightaway. If your girlfriend is still a virgin, she will definitely appreciate your slowing down and working on other sexual activities, until she has a chance to really get into the mood. Try massage oils on each other, put it between her breasts or thighs and have lots of oral sex first. You'll probably find that you get an erection just fine.Even then, let her take the lead and stroke you for a while, getting on top if she feels like it, before you go for penetrative sex.It would be unusual for a fit young man to have erectile dysfunction problems, but if you find that you stay soft even after trying other things, go and see your GP and tell him about the problem.Good luck and have fun!
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