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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and my son do not get along. I wonder whether I should be patient and hope that things will improve or leave now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 March 2005):
 Hi,You don't say how old your son is. Is he a child, who could be frightened by the sudden introduction of a man into your life? Or is he an adolescent, who probably resents the time you spend with someone else? Or is your son an adult, who may simply not see eye-to-eye on some issues with your boyfriend?Regardless of the age of your son, or the reason that he and your b/f don't get along, you'll need to try (as much as possible) to be objective in solving the problem. Try to be conversational, and pick a time when they aren't together. Ask each party what it is about the other one that grates. Be prepared to hear nasty things said by each one! It'll be terrifically hard not to be judgemental, or to rush to the defense of either one of them, but don't. Just listen and take in what they're saying.For example, your b/f may claim that your son is rude and/or undisciplined. You might disagree, but it's important to know where he stands on the issue.Likewise, your son may hate the way your boyfriend monopolises your time and takes you away from him. Or he may not like your b/f's tattoos, or maybe your b/f smells of beer(!) It could be that simple. Any of these things - or none of them - could be the root of the problem, but you have to find out what problem each one has and work to bring them together.Please don't let one play you off against the other. Your son could easily discover that he has something in common with your boyfriend, and your b/f may find that your son is a lovely young man, too. But that won't happen if you give in to "him or me" ultimatums.The last comment I want to give is that, if there is the least hint of violence or threats towards your son, from your boyfriend --- WALK AWAY. No one's romantic attentions are worth selling out yours or your child's safety for.Good luck,-B
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