A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Should I be suspicious? I had a date set for Friday. Then I never hear from him until Sunday night. He claims his coworker has a stroke and was busy with that. I said sorry to hear it but declined to reschedule. Now I’m the bad guy. I don’t see how if my coworker goes to the ER, how that would prevent me from cancelling in a timely manner. To be honest, it felt like he found something better to do or perhaps has a wife or girlfriend. Did I over react? Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2022): I believe he did this for a reason. He stood you up, didn't bother to make contact to let you know (which he could have easily done) and chose a very emotive reason for treating you badly, so that he could call you out for only caring about yourself, if you complained, when someone has just has a stroke. (Supposedly) I agree with Honeypie in that he is 'grooming' you to accept shit behaviour from him. And even if he isn't and I'm wrong, someone doesn't spend 48 hours constantly caring for someone, they would be in the hospital. He doesn't know how to treat people, that much is certain.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 March 2022):
 Trust your gut instinct. You have one for good reason.
Whether his colleague had a stroke or not, he could have messaged you, before or after the date time, to tell you. It takes seconds to send someone a text. Blanking you for 2 days is bad manners. Like you, I suspect he got what he considered to be a better offer. When it didn't turn out as well as planned, he resorted to Plan B - you.
If he makes any further comment about you being the bad guy, tell him you do not have a problem with him standing you up to support an ill colleague; what you do have a problem with is him not having enough respect for you to let you know as soon as possible that something had cropped up. Waiting 2 days is NOT acceptable.
You deserve better. Move on. You are NOT anyone's Plan B.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2022): I doubt this story and excuse is true, but even if it is there is no excuse for not contacting you sooner and leaving it 48 hours. He must have been on his own at some time, even when going to the toilet, where he could have text you much quicker. I suspect he got cold feet or arranged something else and then on the sunday regretted it and decided to try to patch things up with you somehow so that he could arrange something again. The reason you are asking us and worrying about it is because you wish this had not happened and wish he had turned up as planned. And want to be sure that you are not losing out by not rescheduling. No you are NOT losing out by not rescheduling. People make more of an effort at the start of something, if his idea of a good effort is to take 48 hours to let you know something went wrong (which I doubt) imagine how he would be later on when you are more used to each other and lazier?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2022): I think you are right, most probably he chose another option for his Friday night, or he has a partner from whom he could not get away....Yeah, his excuse sounds like total bullshit to me. From Friday night to Sunday night, he would have had the time and ease to tell you what was going on...if his own brother had had a stroke!,imagine just a coworker . You did not overreact.You mention becoming the bad guy, and I am afraid you let yourself get involved in a back-and-forth of accusations , excuses and general blah blah blah.If this is the case - stop.Right now, and in a possible future.Keep it short and simple.He stood you up, you do not wish to reschedule, period.You are not required or supposed to say more than that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2022): Typo correction:
"My suspicion is he pulled that excuse out of a little puckered [hole] in his backside!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2022): I think your instincts were right on point. Don't second-guess yourself.
I myself would find it highly suspicious that someone has a date scheduled on a Friday; but you don't hear from him until Sunday. People carry their phones with them 24/7; and all he had to do was follow-up out of courtesy to let you know what's happening. He didn't, so his excuse is suspect.
What? Was he medically treating the stroke victim?!!
Who says you're the bad-guy? He's too stupid and discourteous to properly call and reschedule a date due to an "alleged" unforeseen emergency. He could have at least explained how some co-worker's stroke affected him in any way? Was he called-in to work to cover for that person? Did he give the person a stroke? If he just wasn't in a dating-mood due to the incident, a courtesy-call was all that was needed. Dead air until Sunday just doesn't cut-it!
My suspicion is he pulled that excuse out of a little puckered whole in his backside! He found something (or someone) better to do that Friday night, went out Saturday night; and called you Sunday as an afterthought. Maybe his wife or girlfriend decided to take a long weekend.
Learn to observe red-flags. Don't be so thirsty or desperate to be with a guy to the degree you'll dip below your dignity to worry and fret about him; even after he stiffs you for a date. Being stood-up without a call is both disrespectful and unacceptable.
Taking the blame upon yourself, or letting him flip the script onto you, makes no sense; and it sends the message to a "player" that he can treat you any sort of a way, and it's okay. The worst thing you could do is let it slide, because he had some lame or questionable excuse; and giving him the impression you're in desperate need of a boyfriend.
What are you feeling bad about? You didn't stand him up!!! Girlfriend, he's a teardrop in an ocean of men! Go find a better one!
Delete, block, swipe left, move on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2022): The most powerful statement you can make in response to this experience is *to choose* to totally not react at all, not say anything at all, and just get on with your life, fully aware that this guy will never contact you again, and that is what you are ready for, and *want*I'd even say, possibly delete his number, just to free up space in your address book but do *not* bother blocking/unfriending him. He does not deserve that kind of energy being spent on him.Surely he's a grown man, and what's the point being a grown man if you have to outline to him how to treat a human being with the most basic courteous respect?Many a prisoners of war managed to make it through their ordeal by hanging on to one thought: No matter what they do, one thing they can never ever take away from me is that I can always *choose* my reaction.What is your 'ordeal' compared to that of those PoW's ?Still, see if tapping from their legacy helps.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 March 2022):
 Just block him. Easy enough.
I think shooting you a short text letting you know that he has to cancel or reschedule BEFORE the date is to be expected.
Even if the scenario he told you (coworker having a stroke) He would not be in the exam room or whatnot, doctors, nurses, orderlies, family members would be. And certainly not the same people from Friday to Sunday. He had ample time to text you and let you know WAY before Sunday.
"Now I’m the bad guy."
Nope, you are not. He is just trying to manipulate you to accept this kind of stuff. And you shouldn't. Just block and move on.
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female
reader, MysticalStella +, writes (10 March 2022):
 Does it really matter at this point?
You had a date set for Friday. The guy didn't show up. He didn't let you know beforehand that he couldn't meet you or make it to the date. End of story.
Please consider that it's you here wasting time and energy thinking about a guy who couldn't even be bothered to let you know that he couldn't make it to the date.
The coworker having a stroke is just a story. It might be true. But then again it might not. You have no way of knowing for sure whether it's true or not.
But surely if you had an important date planned, and you got involved in an emergency, you'd at least find a couple of minutes to excuse yourself and say "Look, I had other plans, let me call/text the other person to cancel those plans." How long does it take you to write a text or make a call?
But he couldn't even do that, so my guess is that from his perspective your date wasn't that important. Or maybe it was just an option. Who cares?
Well obviously you do. Okay fine. Speculate away. Spend your time thinking about a guy who's probably not thinking about you, doesn't see you as important, and who at best saw you as an option.
Nothing against dating, but if you're going to go dating you owe it to yourself to keep it real and stick to people who are real and who you can trust. Otherwise dating becomes an emotional rollercoaster filled with disappointments and unfulfilled expectations.
Be with people who matter. Forget about the people who don't.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2022): It's understandable why you would be suspicious I would think *bullshit* as well
My friend was talking to someone for months and the evening he was supposed to stay with her a few days he suddenly says he has to cancel and go see his daughter who is five years old. She was very understanding but she would send him the odd message, saw he had read then but no reply then eventually he hit the roof when she called him out. They stopped all contact and soon after she met a man and they are very happy together so basically trash threw itself out.
Trust your instincts, I think you know the answer x
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 March 2022):
 This happened on the Friday, i don't believe that he was in ER from Friday all the way to Sunday so if he could not have told you on the Friday he surely could have on Saturday.
I think if it was me and i was at ER with a co-worker and i knew i had a date i would have popped outside and informed them that i won't be able to make it.
Think this is a red flag OP, i think you should forget him and not reschedule any subsequent dates.
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