A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 36 years old. About 8 months ago, i met my first love where we dated back in highschool. We used to date in McDonalds, the local malls and he was my first love and first kiss. We broke up eventually. He got married to someone else.Recently, we bumped into each other at an event and sparks were flying. It was as if we never broke up. We texted each other daily. A week ago, his wife read one of my emails to him. It was a very very friendly email with nothing suggestive of that we have crossed the line at any point. I am naturally drawn to him and we have been friends since young.His wife was furious at me and i received an email from him which he CC to his wife telling me to Fuck off. He has also blocked me from whatsapp. In his email (of which he sent his wife a copy), he told me to never contact him ever again. Because he sent his wife a copy, was it just for show?I feel so lost now as why did he do everything so suddenly. Was it because his wife found out? Did he really mean it when he told me to fuck off? How would I ever know? Should i call him to speak to him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2022): "Did he really mean it when he told me to fuck off?"
Let's assume his wife does!
I would do what his email told you to do. He's a married-man, and his wife is furious! What part of that doesn't resonate with you to back-off and leave them alone???
Wife trumps lady-friend from the past. Marriage trumps just being friends. You lived your life without drama up until 8 months ago.
How about just pretending you never met, and go back to your drama-free life before all this happened?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2022): He wanted a bit of attention from another woman to stroke his ego, his wife found out, hit the roof and he has been given the choice and has happily told you to F off. He's not interested in you, he just wanted to feel he was desirable by someone else other than his wife but had no intentions of taking you seriously. In her shoes you would be just as pissed, he's married so leave him be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2022): Oh I read this as the wife. My partner had a, "friend" shall wee say that used to contact him a lot which started as friendly chat and then grew to her being jealous of me, yeah he let me read the swipes she would take at me and how pathetic she was, too down right not appropriate. Even asking him to meet her for drink one 2 one? My partner decided to show me these mails and as he was very uncomfortable by them and yes I read through it all.I was angry that someone would attempt to do that but at the same time it made us stronger and me secure that my partner choose to come to me with it.You know what he did? Blocked her on everything, and she actually texted him from another number and tried contacting his friends to get hold of him.Everytime the message came through he would come out with oh jeezo I'm going to jump out the window, wish she would leave me alone and so on. It's been some time now since she last tried to contact him, I'll be honest I was angry at the time. Now we just laugh at how desperate she came across.While being committed and secure to each other.You want to be that woman? Trust me he's not speaking to you because he doesn't want to and loves his wife. Simple as that. Stop embarrassing yourself with a married man and move on and find someone single.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 April 2022):
 "Should i call him to speak to him?"
No, you should do as he suggested and Fuck off.
I agree he Cc'd his wife, to make SURE she knows that HE is trying to focus on the marriage and NOT have anything to do with you.
"He has also blocked me from whatsapp."
He is actively trying to SAVE his marriage and make SURE his wife knows SHE is the one he wants and wants to be with.
This is not some teenage puppy love drama triangle.
Yes, YOU might have felt that sparks flew. That doesn't mean HE wants to re-kindle ANYTHING with you. He is NOW married. He can't be your "friend". HIS priorities are VERY different now than back in the day. YOU are not even ON his list of priorities.
LEAVE him alone. He moved on from you a LONG time ago. He is married.
You are a GROWN woman, you KNOW better. So DO better and BE better.
If you want a man in your life, find someone single.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 April 2022):
 Yes, he did it because his wife was angry, but there is a bigger picture here: when push comes to shove, SHE matters way more to him than you do. That is the sad reality. The vast majority of married men who are happy to flirt with other women will drop the new love interest like a hot brick the instant the wife finds out and issues an ultimatum. And that is the way it should be.
Re-calibrate your moral compass, remind yourself that married guys are strictly off limits, brush yourself down and move on with your life. Learn the lesson otherwise the universe will keep sending it to you until you do. If you should be tempted again to mess around with a man who is not free, remind yourself how bad you feel right now and steer well clear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2022): You want the truth?
You sound like an obsessive type. He was your first love a long LONG time ago.
You also sound narcissistic _ it's all about you and your needs. You had no problems chasing after a married man. And even no after you got a slap in the face you're still considering contacting him to clarify things?
How much more clear can they get? He literally told you to fuck off. He didn't imply it - he wrote it in a clear manner.
So that's exactly what you should do. Leave him alone and get a life of your own. If you really had someone solid in your life (bf, partner, husband) I doubt that you would even noticed that ex of yours. SO instead of trying to poach someone else's husband and making a story where there's none, work on your private life!
The best case scenario is that this guy has stringed you along for an ego boost. Worst case? You misread everything. You projected your feelings onto him. You invented the "sparks flying".
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