A
female
age
41-50,
*alhabbe212
writes:Hi there. This question isn't about me but my fiancee.She was made redundant from the firm she worked for (in tech, a mom-and-pop firm with around 4,600 employees across three sites, ) in April 2013, which she'd worked there since January 2004, due to the economic climate/recession. Remember the 2007-2013 recession?It probably seems like a distant memory now.Me and my fiancee have been together since February 2007, but engaged since November 2019, our wedding delayed due to COVID mandates in our state and other things. We've only known each other since August 2006.She got another job after 3 months of unemployment, it was a longer commute, but 10% less pay than her current job. Then in August 2020, she lost her job due to COVID, as cost-savings were made; she took on a job as a Doordash-type delivery lady with takeaways to make ends meet. I was unable to work from home due to corporate policy, but still got paid anyway due to legal/HR corporate policy on COVID-19 they'd enacted in August 2020 after March - July was filled with arguments in work between management over policy for employees who couldn't work from home. The rules stated I wasn't allowed to in my job role. The work could be done from home in theory, but my bosses didn't want the liability of that - their words, not mine.Now, fast forward to April 2022, and my fiancee had been in negotiation with an employer for a new job; the employer in question was her old employer, who she was made redundant from; the employer had a new boss/CEO who was also the manager there, as with last time.She got the job and was pleased about it last week.However, she's got worries about going back to her old employer, fearing she won't fit in with the culture and how things are very different now in 2022 compared to 2013; she's nostalgic for 2012-2013 and its pop culture etc.She is both excited but also worries co-workers from the last time she was there won't be around and how much things have changed.She's asking me for support, but I don't know how to help her. The support's emotional and practical but I don't know how to deal with this at all.I've been in my current job since September 2007.I really love my fiancee and want the best for our relationship.Looking for some help, guidance, advice, anything, since this is a new situation for both of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): All anyone can do is simply try to be encouraging, and remind her that everybody get's nervous starting a new job or going back to work. What does she want from you?
See this job as any job. You're just working in the same place; but nothing is going to be the same. Prepare to adapt. We will never see 2012-2013 again, so we all have to live in the present.
Times have changed; and the original personnel have certainly retired, or have been replaced over the years. I'm not sure what she's expecting from you. She's living in the same world you're living in. You don't have all the answers. She'll figure it out, and sometimes you have to jump-in with both feet. That's what everybody has to do. She's not alone, and you're not responsible for trying to make her grow-up and deal with life as it comes. It's called survival. She has come this far, and you can't make life any easier for her. She can try prayer and faith. God is known for doing miracles and giving comfort. We humans have our limitations, and we can't place too much weight on each-other's shoulders. Do what you can, and that's that.
We adapt to the environment around us, it does not adapt to us. Being supportive is just encouraging people to hang in there. It's instinctive. Supporting your mate doesn't require coddling them or going nuts trying to be their savior. She's just going back to work, not to prison.
You shouldn't be so melodramatic about this situation. These are the times we live in.
That number of employees (4600) is more than a mom & pop firm. It's considered corporate; and subject to applicable federal regulations and tax laws. It may be small in comparison to some others, but they're a significant employer. She's been out of that kind of work environment for awhile; but with time, she'll get back into the swing of things. If it's a bad fit, she'll just have to find something else.
Men are not miracle workers, and we can't solve all problems to make women feel better. We stick by them, catch each-other when we fall; but we can't think of everything. She has to come to grips with her anxieties; and if that's too much to do without help, then she might seek some professional counseling. You're by her side, and sometimes that's the best we can do. If what you're doing isn't sufficient, maybe she can tell you what it is specifically that she needs that you aren't doing. You can't get inside her brain and think for her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2022): Ahem- "mom and pop " is a colloquial definition only used to describe *small*, family-owned, independent business establishments. As in *opposed to corporate*. 4,600 employees ? Whatever it is, it is surely *not * a mom-and- pop thing , even if by some quirk of chance the owners were a married couple.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 April 2022):
 I would advise your fiancee to treat this like a completely new job, rather than seeing it as going back to an old one. If she was going to a new company, she wouldn't be making comparisons to how things were years ago, just as she shouldn't now. Things change. People change. Companies change. Cultures change. This is NOT the same company she worked for all those years ago. Some things may have changed for the worse but some may have changed for the better. Until she has actually been there a while, she will not know what has changed and how.
In your shoes I would keep reassuring her that you have faith in her and that she will be fine in this new job. If she hits problems, listen to her and try to help her find ways of working round them. She is lucky to have such a supportive partner at home. The rest is up to her.
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