A
male
age
36-40,
*ndiglorex
writes:I'm 34 and she's 24. We matched on Tinder, eventually transitioned into Instagram, then started texting,and she let me know she prefers talking on the phone. I gave her a call, we talked for nearly 2 hours, finally set up our first date and I was elated. We had great conversation and very similar viewpoints on a great variety of topics. Fast forward to 3 hours later and she sends me a text saying that she checked who I followed on Instagram and doesn't like that I follow 4 Instagram models with onlyfans accounts out of the 200 or so people I follow. She cancels our date, I tell her I didn't even follow them (my friend did when he saw me a few days ago, he typically does this as he is very much an eternal bachelor), she doesn't believe me, and I just text her to let me know if she changes her mind. I even unfollowed them to try to illustrate my point. She still follows me on Instagram, but all communication has ceased.I'm just at a loss. Is her viewpoint normal? She's not my girlfriend, we haven't even gone out, and she's bothered by who I'm following on Instagram. Should I even try to continue something with her if she changes her mind? Thank you for any guidance!
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female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (14 April 2022):
She’s not worth your time. I don’t agree with the other commenters who implied you shouldn’t be following sexy Instagram models. You ought to follow whoever you damn well please. For her to judge you like that was just plain wrong.
A lot of women are so insecure they fall apart if their man looks at another woman for more than two seconds. They can’t handle the reality that men are visual creatures who get pleasure from looking at the bodies of sexy women. Men enjoy looking at women - it’s just a fact of nature! That’s just the way men are built and there’s NOTHING wrong with that!
My husband loves to look at pictures of hot women. He does it every day. He follows hundreds of models on Instagram and YouTube. Especially girls who post lots of bikini videos. He loves bikini videos and he follows many on YouTube. He watches them after work to relax and unwind and have some enjoyment.
Am I threatened by this? No because I’m a grown woman and not an insecure little girl. I know my husband loves me and is committed to me. I also know that looking at these images is a huge source of enjoyment for him and he deserves that.
His habit has gradually grown from something in secret, to something open and accepted in the relationship. We even chat about the different models he follows. It was a bit hard for me to accept at first only because I’m overweight… but the girls he watches are very fit and toned. But our sex life is better than ever - I know he’s passionate about my body too.
Our is rule: He can follow anyone he wants on social media and he can look at any woman he wants to… as long as he doesn’t chat with them.
Women need to accept that men look at women’s bodies. They just do. Any women who thinks her man isn’t doing it, is just delusional. It’s natural and healthy for men, and I wish more women would have the courage to accept this.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 April 2022):
 I find myself puzzled by many things these days, this post included. Isn't Tinder for casual hook-ups? Why would you bother finding out about each other's values, interests and/or beliefs if you are just interested in casual sex? Or are people using it to find real relationships these days?
My gut instinct tells me this girl had actually done her research BEFORE she spoke with you, decided to "hook" you with the telephone call, then drop you a short while later to make her point. Nicely played.
From YOUR point of view, if she is already calling the shots and you haven't even met, then you have dodged a bullet in my view. If she is already like that now, what would she be like if you got into a serious relationship? Every time there was an issue or difference of opinion, she would dump you and walk away? Save yourself time and heartache and just let her go, otherwise you will spend your life walking on eggshells and apologizing.
Lesson for the future: most people will do their research on people they are looking to date so don't have stuff on your accounts which makes you look like a sleaze ball. You are 34, not 16, for crying out loud. Act your age. Stop following shallow women who make their living out of shallow men "following" them. And own your actions. Nobody believes the "it was my friend" excuse.
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A
male
reader, Indiglorex +, writes (10 April 2022):
Indiglorex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat points here. I'll make sure to never let my friend follow women like that on my account again. And yeah, it is hypocritical to find me on a hookup app and act like she has some sort of moral high ground. Oh well. Thanks for your input!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2022): Most women , including myself don’t want to partner with men who spend their time rating women by their bodies ie liking it not with little love hearts . It’s immature and shows a pretty poor view of womens worth
You two are not compatible , she did the smart thing in stopping things before it went further
If a man follows those types of accounte he will need to find a woman who’s a pick me and doesn’t care about whether you show respect or not for women or see them as bodies to be rated , as many many women are lifting their standards now and not caring less that men and ( some ) women call the behaviour normal
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2022):
 Yep to Ruby's answer.
"Yes, for many women this viewpoint is normal. "
If I was on the "dating market" looking for someone to spend time with long-term, so a partner, not a casual fling or hook up, I would WANT to ensure that HIS values, morals, are in line with my own.
I would not want to date someone who is following pornstars, onlyfans "models" or other questionable accounts.
Why? Because it's freaking sleazy. And if someone is "following" them on social media who knows if they also pay for access to their "content".
"I even unfollowed them to try to illustrate my point."
That proved absolutely nothing.
Remove her from your Instagram and move on. Don't waste any more time trying to convince her to meet up. She and you are not a good match. And honestly? I find HER kind of a hypocrite as SHE found you on tindr.... a hookup app.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2022):
She's 24. You are one of many guys that she is in contact with, and grants 2-hour 'mindblowing-deep-connection-finding' phone calls to... only to systematically find some reason, anything will do, to pull a total 180 U-turn on them.
There is not even a 'valuable-worth-discussing-logical' reason why she does this, other than, at 24, in the online world, you simply can.
You are on dearcupid because you went about this ready to take every 'encounter' way more seriously than it might deserve.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (9 April 2022):
Yes, for many women this viewpoint is normal. I don't share it but many women are unable to cope with the idea that their romantic partner might compare them to other women.
Since you haven't even met this woman yet, I think you should throw her back into the proverbial sea. No need to explain yourself or even apologise.... Just cut off contact.
And stop your bachelor friend from using your Instagram account (or sending you pictures of scantily clad ladies if this isn't your bag.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2022): Yes she has every right to have her own personal standards in a man. You don't fit them. So why should she even bother to get involved? She is being pretty smart if you ask me. What is it with young people these days? It is sad that this next generation are going on Tinder (for meaningless sex) and following meaningless models on Instagram. Who the fuck cares???? Maybe you should be focusing on more important things?? Some day you will see what I mean when you grow up and live your life and see how shallow you are at this stage. Following people on Instagram is useless. Nobody cares about you. It is all superficial and fleeting. All these people are doing is boosting their egos by having followers like you. How about deactivating your Instagram and living in REAL LIFE? These models do not matter in real life. They are busy living theirs.
Tinder is not the way to meet people. Everyone is having sex with everyone these days. No wonder women are so cautious. But at the same time they are also being hypocritical because they too are on Tinder! With the very same men they choose to shun because they don't meet their standards. News flash! The quality of men you will find on Tinder is not so great. Maybe SHE or YOU should go on REAL dating apps (or do it the old fashioned way- yes it worked for so many generations before you!) that are not all about sex or hook ups, and then SOMEBODY might take you and each other seriously! Tinder should be outlawed! It is just a breeding ground for hurt and disappointment because you do not find love with casual sex.
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