A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi DC Aunts and Uncles. I have come here for some advice. Maybe I myself already know the answer but I want to get some input from you. So my boyfriend of 2 mths went on a trip with his friends and just returned home. During his trip away he was in touch with his recent ex girlfriend. I saw his mobile. He was telling her how deeply he loves her, how he loves her now just as much as ever, how much he misses her and that he thinks about her all the time. How he was afraid she might not take him back if he went back to her and it would devastate him if their time together would end. He sent her a photo of a toy of her favorite animal which he saw when he was at a local shop. He mentioned issues in their relationship and how he has been self reflecting and what things need to change in order for them to be a couple. He told me their 10 year relationship was over and that was it. He did not send me any photos on the trip or contact me except for a few short texts. They share no children. But they were basically common law. As far as I know, she did not need to be married or wasn't looking for a ring. But they had some issues between them and he never divulged what they were, even when I asked. No sense guessing. He left her after some disagreement between them. If I ask him about it, he will know I looked at his mobile. Should I think what he did was innocent? And stay with him? Or do you think he is wanting to get back with her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2022): You know what you have to do, right? It's not about what we think... It's the fact that he's not over that girl and will probably never be. Why do you even want to consider being with him under these circumstances?He's with you not because he wants to be with you but because he can't be with her. Read that again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2022): He only recently broke-up with his girlfriend, and this you've already known. You're a woman in your 40's, and should have enough life-experience to know when you could be in a rebound-relationship. Even a teenager can figure that out. You're too dignified and intelligent to be so desperate and thirsty for a man, you'd throw all caution to the wind. Hit the breaks!!!
If you've ever broken-up with someone, you know there is a period of detachment and grief; before you finally come to terms with the breakup, and finally let-go.
You've read the emotional-exchange he had with his ex; and that has pretty much proven that he's not over her. He's professing his continued love for her, and wishes to get back with her. What about that do you not understand? How can he have room in his heart for you, while still proclaiming his love to her, and even telling her he wants her back?
What does it matter that he'd know you went through his phone now that you know what you know? He's still in-love with his ex. What's the point of holding-on?
I suggest now is the time to remove yourself, before you get even more attached to him. He will play you, and still be holding-on to her; just using you as a fill-in while working to get her back. If she decides to take him back, he has to dump you! If she doesn't, your relationship will just be what he settled for; because he couldn't get his ex back. Don't delude yourself into thinking you'd accept that, just to have a man. That would be beneath you. You'd never trust him anyway!!!
You're not that much in-love over the course of only two months. We mature-folks are very complicated and experienced; so we don't frivolously fall in-love without considering all the pros and cons. By now, we've all been down this road before; and are aware of what the repercussions and consequences are for foolishly ignoring warnings and red-flags. You don't deserve the heartbreak or worry.
He's not ready. Don't waste your time or risk your heart, my dear. No sense in entering a competition for his heart; when you already know who has the advantage.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 April 2022):
 The two months you have wasted on him is not your fault because you were not to know what he told you was not honest. Now you know the full truth, any further time you waste on him is all down to YOU.
Life's too short to be with someone who wants to be with someone else, who only views you as a Plan B. Sadly I'm not convinced you believe that, otherwise you would have already called it a day and walked away. I hope you realize you are worth more.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (8 April 2022):
 He has with her for a decade, he has been with you for two months, so you relationship with him is pretty much still in its infancy, and its very clear he is rebounding.
He clearly still has feelings for her, so the he should never have got into another relationship as he has now played with your feelings and has wasted two months of your time.
Its pointless now to go into whether you should have looked at his phone or not, you looked and now you know he still loves and misses his ex.
I would not even broach this with him, its not worth it, its only been two months. I would finish this relationship with him as soon as possible and move on, you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2022): Accidental posted without finishing so you've not lost a great deal at all, maybe just your dented pride so get it back and get rid of this man because there is nothing you can say or do to convince him otherwise, you was a rebound and he wants her back
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2022): I've a sneaking suspicion you are the lady who posted a similar scenario a couple of weeks ago.
You have the evidence, it's clear he still wants his ex back. Couples can be together years split up and meet someone else soon after and move on, if the feelings had dwindled a long time before the split.
However he is clearly telling his ex how he feels and quite honestly he is duping her and you because I bet she doesn't know he is with you. If he loves her so much he would leave you and go and make it work so really it shows him to be completely shallow and not to be trusted.
It's been two m
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 April 2022):
 "If I ask him about it, he will know I looked at his mobile."
Well, you DID look!
BUT you can avoid owning your own actions if you don't want to by just telling him that you don't think it's going to work out, wish him GOOD luck with his life and then block, delete and move on.
What he did was a CLEAR sign that he ISN'T over his ex, you are a rebound or an ego boost.
Yes, he wants to get back with his ex. Why would you think he doesn't want her back?
And remember IF you do fess up to looking, he will either get mad at you, or tell you some more lies and try and convince you, that what you saw isn't how he REALLY feels.
Don't waste any more time on this guy. It's only been 2 months.
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