A
male
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so l am a black male who lives in Windsor Ontario, Canada. l have been with my girlfriend (who is white) for quite a while now and we decided to take our relationship to the next step, we got intimate when l came over to her house. It all happened when we were watching a movie in her basement and we both consented and we enjoyed it really (before you ask yes we used protection and it was both our first time). Flash forward a few months later her mother found out when she was going through my girl's phone and read our texts and saw the sexual images we had shared with each other she then knew we had sex. She told her whole family about it and her whole family now hates me and blames me saying l ruined my girlfriend's life and they wish l would die and they even spread false rumors about me too. I and my girl are perfectly fine with what we did and so is my mom and my family, they are okay with it as long as we used protection and we both agreed to do it but her family is not, and till today even after a few months they still wish l would die. So is it my fault and are they right to hate me as they do?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, chilly-pepper +, writes (3 April 2022):
 And l do understand why they are mad but l just want to convince them that it's okay and that they can trust me that is why l came on the internet to ask because l need to see this from not just my point of view or my girlfriend's or her parents, l need to see it from many standpoints to get a clear image of it all, and to you @Yocannotbeserious, no l did not pressurize my girlfriend to have sex with me and that is very rude of you to assume but thank you for you last words l will put it to practice and am not being arrogant please don't think so am very empathetic about it and have tried to initiate communication with her parents but am always shut down, maybe l seem arrogant because l didn't put out everything in full detail and just summarized it and it made me appear arrogant, apologies
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2022): Most of these responses are all not getting what am saying fully and just blaming me because am a guy and assume am just some coward who will leave my girlfriend when she gets pregnant which she isn't by the way. And my family agreed on if she is pregnant they will help me take care of the baby and will be supportive of us all the way, even if they did not agree to that l was still not going to leave her regardless. You all calling me immature but assuming that l will just get off with a slap on the wrist and l totally did not get expelled and almost beat till unconscious by my uncle and that am just some selfish little prat who will leave my girlfriend to save my ass really does not seem mature of you, now does it? And l only included race/color solely for description so don't think much of it. l came here to seek advice not for everyone to tell me it's all my fault based on some sexist standard of me being a guy because l have heard that enough times already, so please lend me the help l seek. Thank you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (21 March 2022):
 You are obviously trying to make out this is about race or colour, otherwise why would you mention that you are black and your girlfriend is white? This has nothing to do with what colour your skin is or what race you are. This is about young kids messing about with something which could potentially have a huge affect on both their lives, your girlfriend's probably more than yours as she would be literally left "holding the baby" if she became pregnant.
If your profile age is correct, and assuming your girlfriend is of similar age to you, then you are possibly both under the legal age of consent. Laws on legal consent are in place to protect young kids from being pressurised into sex when they are too young to give legal consent. If your girlfriend is below the legal age of consent, you could technically be charged with sex with a minor or even rape (as she is not old enough to give consent). You are lucky her family have not chosen to press charges.
In your shoes I would approach whichever parent you feel most comfortable with and try to talk to them. Tell them you care for their daughter, you would not do anything to intentionally hurt her and that you are being careful with contraception (because I am pretty sure you will not have stopped at having sex once).
You can't force them to like you but you CAN try to have a bit of empathy for why they worry about their (probably under-aged) daughter's wellbeing and future. Perhaps acknowledging they have good reason to worry might be a first step to mending bridges? That would certainly be the grown-up way of handling things.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): You are 13-15 OP? Of course her parents have a right to be worried and with good reason. When you grow up and become a parent and have a daughter of your own, you WILL understand. But you are much too young to see past the end of your own nose. When I was 13, I was playing with friends, drawing, listening to music, riding my bike.... I had no boyfriends. Preferred it that way. Less complications. I had a whole life ahead of me to grow up and experience things. No need to rush into being an adult so young in life. My first sexual experience was with someone I loved when I was more mature and ready. I would not trade that for having awkward, immature sex with some inexperienced boy who most likely would not be my life partner. It is nice to have a partner who is experienced, not someone who is just fumbling around, trying to figure themselves and each other out. You will see what I mean about good sex when you grow up. You aren't having it now. It is just masturbation with another person. Nothing near a real, passionate sexual experience between two experienced adults.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): You aren't a girl, you can't get pregnant, of course your family is fine with it...if you say so.
You're too young, and your attitude is going to get you into a lot of trouble. Your parents can feel whatever they want, they're not responsible for the girl. I'm skeptical about how you describe the girl's family's reaction to it; because of the tone in your post about it. Somewhat flippant and disrespectful.
Her parents have every right to feel the way they do; because they are responsible for the health and welfare of their children. You're a boy, guys usually turn-out better in these situations.
Maybe they don't hate you, but they don't particularly like your arrogant nonchalant attitude about it all.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2022): Been there, 50 years ago. GF mom caught us in the act. Went through all of the above, except she kept it to herself. A month later she has her on birth control, and lets us do in the basement when her dad is at work. Can't put toothpaste back in the tube. Just don't do in the car, that's what she said. Her cousin got caught by the cops car humping and was the talk of the town.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2022): It's her fault and your fault. The parents are right to be angry and worried, she might be pregnant and it is often the girl who is left holding the baby with all of the problems, expense and gossip. There are laws about how old you must be before you have sex for good reasons. You are way too young for the responsibilities and problems that can come from this. The fact you cannot understand why they are angry proves it.
...............................
|
