A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My dad came to my area for a short vacation and is staying at my place. I have to work from home during the day so I let him borrow my car. Today he met up with a friend who works at a bar. The friend served him cocktails and then my dad drove home in my car. When he arrived at my home, he was intoxicated and admitted he drank too much and probably shouldn't have been driving.I'm angry. It's my car, he is not familiar with the area. I said he shouldn't be driving drunk but he acted like it was a funny oops.I would like to have a conversation with him when he's sober in the morning. However, we don't have a close relationship and he has never had much respect for my boundaries. How can I assertively communicate that he is not to drive my car intoxicated again?I told him he's not allowed to use my car and got a response that seemed to indicate he didn't give a hoot. He then began screaming at me like a banshee, insisted I was obese, began throwing food at me in the kitchen all because I told him "No".Tldr: my dad drove my car drunk. How can I effectively set boundaries so he doesn't do it again?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (9 April 2022):
 There is absolutely NOTHING "funny" about putting the lives of others at risk by driving drunk. However, there is more at play here than a drink-driving incident. You are an independent adult; why are you tolerating physical and verbal abuse in your own home, especially from a man with whom you admit you do not enjoy a close relationship?
If I were you, I would be telling him to leave immediately. If you do not feel strong enough to do this on your own, do you have any friends/neighbours/colleagues who can help you make it plain to this horrible man - who just happens to be your biological father - that his presence in your home is no longer welcome?
He thinks drink-driving is a "funny oops"? Perhaps he should run that past the thousands of families who lose loved ones each year due to irresponsible idiots like him causing accidents by driving while under the influence of alcohol? I am sure they could put him straight. If he has so little respect for his own life, that is his prerogative, but he has no right to put the lives of others at risk by his irresponsible - not to mention illegal - behaviour. You sound like a responsible conscientious person; imagine how you would feel if he killed someone while driving your car while drunk.
You are enabling his abusive behaviour towards you by not setting boundaries. Respect yourself and respect the rights of others to live by evicting him from your home immediately and never again agreeing to him staying with you. If he visits the area, he can stay with his mate or in a hotel. Your home should no longer be available to him if he cannot show you respect while staying there.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (8 April 2022):
 I think he has disrespected you twice, i think that you really do have to set some boundries, its your place, and he is essentially a guest in your home.
Driving your car back drunk is a really stupid and careless thing to do, if he had an accident, or worse knocked someone over he would be in serious trouble, even looking a jail time.
You car is out of bounds to him from now on, i bet he is not even insured on it is he.
I know he is your Dad, which makes things difficult, but but while he is under your roof i feel you really do need to step up to the plate and lay down some rules for the remainder of his stay there.
Maybe when you go to bed, take your car keys with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 April 2022):
 Bye Bye, dad.In the morning ask him to leave. At least that is what I would do.It's absolutely unacceptable for a GROWN ass man to think it's "funny" to drive drunk and it's absolutely unacceptable to verbally abuse you when you tell him that isn't going to happen again.If you "can't" ask him to just leave, then keep the car keys away from him.Another option (if you can afford it) is to book a hotel for the rest of his stay and meet him outside your house on your terms.How many more days is he staying?Overall, one thing you HAVE to remember, is that YOU can not CHANGE your dad. THIS is who he is. So it's up to you how much time you want to spend with him.
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