A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm hoping someone will help me I love this guy so much but unfortunately I've made the usual mistakes clingy too emotional etcOk he's with a girl he's been with her 5 yearsWe got close and kissed twice last year please don't judge he said after it shouldn't have happened as he still had issues with her And then I acted like an idiot and became clingy embarrassing myself etcHis girl doesn't sound nice- he's confided in people at work about her she goes out drinking has little time for him but he stays He won't tell me what the problems are but kept saying he's unhappy but also said he had feelings for me but couldn't express hence why I think I went a but weird :(We have a distant friendship now but I end up texting and calling him more its embarrassing I don't know how he feels he won't say except he's still not happyI'm so fed up I'm a nice person and wound treat him wellHow can I get him to see this ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): As a man in a similar situation, been with one girl for 7 years (not engaged or kids) and recently had another tell me how she feels I feel I have to say something here. It's most likely not easy for this guy to admit what he wants, even to himself. Even though I'm not religious, as people we're all still brought up to not do what we want and do what we're told is right.There is always a fear of the unknown (a possible future with you), and is it better to have the devil you know (years ahead of the same with the current woman) than the devil you don't (the uncertainty of the future with you)? Guys sometimes just settle and accept their lot in life, because they think they don't deserve better.Ultimately, I don't think people want to hurt others in these respects but it can sometimes be unavoidable. He just has to decide whether to hurt you or her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): Since you are over 30, I think this is more serious than some of the other responders have indicated. Foremost, you cannot worry about embarrassment, otherwise you will never leave your house. If he is not married and there are no kids involved, then all is fair after five years of a dead relationship with his current GF that isn't even nice to him. Take charge! He just might be ready to move on with you. I'm sure that you are a nice person, but you need to find but whether he is attracted to you before you just give up. Stay in there and fight first. Like Mick Jagger said, you just might "You Get What You Need" if you only try! He wouldn't have you kissed you two times if he wasn't attracted to you... that's a no brainer. You definitely need to encourage him in this case.Do you have nice boobs? Let him see you topless... make it appear to be accidental but casual that he saw you topless.Then look at him and ask him if he'd like to give you massage. Be ready, have something that he can massage you with. Let him do your boobs!If you reside near a beach, bring a coverup shirt but take off your top and leave it off in front of him to tan. First, lay on your front, but then sit up and let him see you. Then ask him if he wouldn't mind applying sun lotion on you. Your boobs need lotion too, definitely have him do it. Encourage him that you want to have fun with him. If they don't allow topless, find somewhere discreet on the beach to take your top off... or do it after dusk. In addition, take your top off in the car with him, let him see. Wear a loose shirt where he can tell that you're not wearing a bikini top or bra. Put his hands on your boobs and try to kiss him.If after a month of letting him see you topless goes by, and you still find that your relationship with him is going nowhere, then forget your feelings for him and then cut ties completely, don't look back. But at least you'll feel good that you actually went down that road and tried to have a normal GF/BF relationship with him. Your 30 years old, not sixteen! Let him know that your serious! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (19 June 2013):
You should'nt have to make anyone see how amazing you are, if they care about you, they'll know it. Sounds like this guy has issues and even though his girlfriend might be awful, he probably loves her. He might like you too but this whole situation is messy. The best advice I can give you is....have self respect and don't humiliate yourself any further. You deserve better than this! Whilst you're fretting over this guy you're also letting possible chances of meeting a fantastic guy go because you're clinging onto this 'relationship' you're hoping for with a guy who sounds horribly confused. It's easier said than done but you need to cut your losses and try to forget about this guy and his confusing love life. You're better than what he has to offer.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (18 June 2013):
If you want to go ahead and make a Grade A, Class 1, bonafide fool of yourself, then my advice is to continue exactly down the path you are on.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Listen to me... my husband is an idiot. I love him but he's a jerk. I whine and complain about him all the time. I AM NEVER LEAVING HIM... I just like to whine and complain about him.
You will never have this man see you as you want.
You are actually making a fool of yourself with him.
He knows you want it and will give him attention and maybe other things but he's NOT going to leave who he is with for you.
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A
female
reader, queenadelaide +, writes (18 June 2013):
Most people get flattered by receiving attention from the opposite sex even if they would never consider a relationship with that person. He's enjoying your pining over him and you love for him - but he is not returning it and has no intention of ever doing so.- We got close and kissed twice last year please don't judge he said after it shouldn't have happened- he's confided in people at work about her she goes out drinking has little time for him but he stays- He won't tell me what the problems are - also said he had feelings for me but couldn't express- We have a distant friendshipLet me translate this for you. He is unhappy in his current relationship but for whatever reason, he thinks it's worth working things out with his girlfriend. For some distraction, he pursued you until you kissed, which he immediately regretted and has distanced himself from you since. He has never had strong feelings for you nor seen a future with you so he has never confided in you.How can you make him see that you would be good for him?You can't.You can't make him feel the same way. So do yourself a favour and delete all his contact details and avoid him as much as possible. Invest your time in looking for other eligible bachelors.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (18 June 2013):
 You're digging for water in a dry well and have set yourself up for failure!
He has been with this woman for 5 years! How bad can things be? Also he hooked up with you when "they were going through some issues"... that should tell you what he was looking for with you.
I'm not trying to be harsh.. but you need to face facts and really invest your time better in finding someone who is dedicated to you and loves you back...One-way loving is not good for you and he clearly does not need your love coz he has some at home! Move on.... Good luck hun xx
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Hi, he is lying to you and leading you on. If she is so bad and makes his life miserable, why is he with her? He will not leave her and you will remain trapped in this obsession.
Let this go , you have let yourself hurt long enough and its time to look after yourself and find someone that can return your love, without playing mind games.
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