A
female
age
30-35,
*onnorsmommyy
writes:Well here we go again. Next holiday new problem. After what happened with the mothers day present and my ex buying me jewelry he now thinks I should have to get him something for fathers day. I do not believe I have to. I am not working and I repeatedly told him to not get me anything for mothers day but he ignored my request. Also he hasn't seen our son in about 3 weeks. He had off for over a week and did not text me once to ask about our son since he was off and partying with friends but when he went back to work he immediately began yelling at me for not responding to his messages. I have a brand new phone so there's no way I could miss over 25 texts as he claims. I talked to some friends who are in college to be lawyers and they are unsure if I could get supervised visits as some of you have advised me to do on my last question. Does anyone know exactly what is looked at to have supervised visits? I also found out because other people are texting me that he has been telling everyone that I am keeping him from our son. Whenever he asks I let him see him. But he always waits until the last second to tell me when he has off and wants to see him so I have to move my plans around for him. I'm sorry it is so long and I feel I am complaining about nonsense things but I feel like I am stuck.
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female
reader, connorsmommyy +, writes (18 June 2013):
connorsmommyy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did give my ex a card from our son he said thanks so I thought he was fine then he said is this all I get? I said I told you I wasn't getting you anything else. He said I thought you were joking. He then left early from his visit of seeing our son and went out drinking I know because his friends put it on Facebook. I have let him see our son whenever he wants and he has only bought 3 things of diapers in 7 months. I asked him if he could buy a 2nd box in one month and his response was how is he going through them so fast? I let that go and asked him if instead of that he could at least give me $50 a month so we don't have court and lawyer fees. He said he can't afford it but he bought a new Xbox and new video games. I understand having a child is a shock to him but he has yet to grow up. Also he keeps threatening to take our son from me. He has weapons under his bed so I believe it is a danger for our son to go to his house. Thank you everyone.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 June 2013):
 Well if your child is too young to shop themselves, it would have been nice to have the child send a card (i.e. you do it with your child's name)
As for the other stuff.... usually having SCHEDULED visitation is the key... either he keeps to the schedule or he does not... he can not call and ask spur of the moment.
I would contact a family lawyer who understands your states laws concerning visitation and child support and get all of it in writing and court approved
i.e. he pays x amount to you based on his salary that will be renegotiated at regular intervals or at such a time as he requests due to salary decreasing or you request due to salary increasing for him or expenses for the child are new....
also visitation can be spelled out but it is NOT tied to support... this means, he sees the kid if he does or does not pay support and he pays support even if he chooses not to see his child.
for example... lets say he is ordered to pay $150 per week to you. The courts will garnish his wages before he gets paid and you will receive your Child support without having to have contact with him.
visitation can be set up as supervised if you think that your child is in danger with him. if they have a court appointed supervisor then he would have to pay for that. IF you and he and the courts can agree on a family member or friend to do it for free, that's often allowed to. Like if your mom is ok with him, she can be the supervisor.
if not then drop offs and pick ups can be set up to be done on neutral ground (like a fast food parking lot between your two homes) and with neutral third parties so you have NO CONTACT with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): I haven't seen your other questions. But just from this message, it sounds to me like you are allowing your ex to control you. You can stop this. Be strong.When you tell him not to get you a gift, and he still does, you can say, "Thank you, I am not getting you a gift for fathers day, do you still want to give this to me?".Tell him all communication is to be via email. This gives a trace of your conversations and arrangements. Tell him in this email, that not only do you want him to see his son, but that you encourage it. Make an arrangement of exactly WHEN and for HOW LONG he will see your son. Arrange for the same times and same days every week/fortnight - whatever your arrangement is. Tell him this arrangement will not be changed unless he communicates with you with plenty of notice via email and that you reply to confirm. You then have a trace of him communicating with you, and you obliging to his requests.He has no right to yell at you. You are not in a relationship with him anymore, you do not have to listen to him. If he ever yells at you again, tell him in an email that you will not accept him abusing you, and he needs to talk to you in a respectful manner or you will be hanging up the phone. Remind him that you would like all correspondence via email, not by phone or text.Build strong boundarys around yourself. Only allow people to treat you with respect. If they don't ...walk away. Tell people in a calm, controlled but stern manner what is acceptable to you.
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