A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why did he leave me?My husband left my son and I after 6 years of marriage. He wanted his freedom and to be able to do as he pleased. He was having "the grass is greener" issues.He was verbally and emotionally abusive and generally not a good partner. I know it's better that we aren't together-especially so my son doesn't have to witness his ill treatment of his mother and his general attitude. I definitely don't want to be married to him any longer.However, I can't help but take it personally...I know I can be difficult sometimes (nagging, needy, etc...) but I don't think I was so horrible that someone would find me intolerable to live with.Initially I just wrote off his leaving to the fact of his unstable childhood and having never witnessed any successful relationships and just being a "drifter" type in general, but lately I've been feeling really down, thinking I must just be a terrible person.How can I cope?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 June 2013):
To all of the women who posted below:
When a relationship ends, it is rarely all because of what ONE person did. This is true for most things in life.
The OP posted that she can be nagging and needy. No offense intended, but my guess is if she can post that, my guess is he thought it was way worse than she is letting on. I know a lot of men who will only put up with so much of that. Like it or not, life is all about options, and what makes sense to me here is he decided the option of being on his own was better than the constant drama. I know more than one man who left his wife for just that reason.
A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Its not easy to be the one "left" by another. The blow to self-esteem is quite a hard one. BUT you should be looking at the positives right now. This is a time to be strong for you and for your son.
Keep busy, get to working out... run, yoga, gym whatever.. and just spend a lot of time and effort on making yourself look and feel great! When you're ready to date again...there is a whole other world waiting for you to grab! And I'm sure a loving man who suits your needs much better than the fool who just left! Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 June 2013):
 He may have left you, but he can't leave himself. He has to take part of the problem with him into every new relationship. As for you, self-improvement and self-criticism are useful tools, but you're so busy focusing on your wounded ego to understand that you are now FREE.
Not only that, but you didn't leave when things got tough. He was nasty and mistreated you. He has to take that with him. You're now free to find a guy who isn't so immature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): This all had to do with him and his personal demons. But he felt it was easier to blame you and find fault in you to somehow justify his screwed up mentality. Because he is selfish. If he can convince you and himself and anybody else involved that you were the culprit of him leaving and him having a weak character and walking out on his family, that makes him feel better about himself. Because he doesn't want to be confronted with accountability. Unfortunately this was someone you trusted and naturally are affected by his words and actions. And when you trust someone you trust their criticism of you. He was a stranger to you all along. If a stranger unjustly criticizes you, you brush it off because you know that person doesn't know you so you know they don't know what they are talking about. He was doing the same, criticizing you and holding you accountable for things that he made up and held no truth. But because he was your husband, it has affected you. You are going to need to give yourself time to grieve and heal. You will soon be enlightened with who you truly are, now that he is out of your life and can't make you feel bad anymore. Now that he is out of your life, fill that void with positivity, with people who genuinely love you. Give it time, think a lot and take good care of yourself. Day by day things will get better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2013):
 I don't blame you for taking it personal, but it does seem like it has a LOT more to do with HIS personality and personal demons then yours.
Find ways to accept it and to be happy that he is out of your life, you already know it's for the better intellectually now your heart just have to be in sync with this knowledge too. It will take time, after all you were together for quite a while.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 June 2013):
 The hardest thing to learn is that it's NOT personal.
HE did not leave you because of something you did or did not do, he left because of his own personal demons or baggage.
A good book to help you learn this is "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills. It's in paperback and not expensive.
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