A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel absolutely hopeless. I love my friend more than I have ever oved anyone. If he goes back to his ex wife or doesn't lvoe me now is there some hope that maybe he'll fall for me in the future? I am so sick of the loneliness and pain I feel because he used to be really close to me and now it's like he's thrown me in the trash can.All my friends have spouses that love them and lovely babies (not all my friends but somany) nd my time is runinng out. I am so sick and tired of losing out in love and being the lonely one.I have this friend that I love and in the past he seemed really interested in me.He's separated from his ex wife. lately he's been distant from me and he and the ex wife have been going out. In the past he always went out with me and sometimes a group of us.I need to know if he could ever love me.I need to know if hes going back to her.She's a whore, and doesn't deserve him.I talked to him last night and he was cold to me and said he didn't want a relationship with me.Could it be that maybe not now, but he might see me a a possible mate in the future?I know in my heart I can never love another.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): What I'm trying to say is that this is the man I have my heart set on. I don't want asingle guy because I won't love him. No one will ever make me feel the way this guy does.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): I don't want a man that I'm not going to love. No one is ever going to make me feel the way this guy does.
I don't want to just have a relationship with any crummy guy, I want someone who is going to make my heart just jump. I don't want to settle for someone I'm not in love with. I want to be ahppy and that means someone I truly love.
it makes me angry that she snatched hium up and married him. That was so selfish... he could have been available for me if she hadn't selfishly snatched him ujp. The anger and sandess are making me crazy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 June 2013):
 You are so struggling with the hurt and pain and loss right now you can’t see that it will improve if you let it.
I can with nearly 100% certainty tell you that a married man if given the option is going to almost always return to wife and family if that’s an option. No one wants a divorce or a broken home for their kids
Be aware that what you see on the outside of a marriage or a relationship may not be what’s going on in the home. Maybe not everyone is as happily married or partnered as you think. Maybe one or two of your friends are staying and feeling stuck.
You choose to love a man who is not truly available to you emotionally or legally as he has a wife that he is separated from. Therefore she is his WIFE not his ex-wife. She may be his estranged wife but legally she is still his wife and he’s obviously trying to make it work with her again.
It does not matter if he could ever love you as long as he’s still married to her.
If he’s going out with her then clearly he’s seeing if it can work with her.
You can call her a whore and say she does not deserve him but that does not change that he’s married to her and he may not think that about or, or even if he does he may be willing to tolerate it. My husband is an idiot totally. I admit it. He admits it. It does not mean I do not love him, it does not mean I am leaving him. Many people choose to stay with people in marriages that others cannot understand.
Let’s say that IN the future he does see you as a possible mate… when in the future? 5 years?
How about you let this married man go emotionally and try to find a single guy that you can love that is free and able (emotionally and legally) to love you back?
IF you tell yourself you can never love another man, then you set yourself up to make that happen.
Much better to tell yourself that living well is the best revenge and get out there and meet folks and live your life for you.
BTW 35 is not anywhere near the end of life and family. you probably have at least 5 more years or more to meet and find someone and have a family. but the longer you sit around and pine and wait for a man who is married to someone else, the more you cut yourself off from the chance to meet someone who can make your dreams come true.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 Honey, you have your answer, he is not that into you. HJis ex maybe a whore but his heart is with her. Dont sit and wait for him to come back to you as you will just be miserable. I suggest you cease all contact with him and try moving on. Dont date men that are not divorced as they generally still attached to the wifes hip hence not yet divorced.
Time to move on to a single man and someone that is emmotionally available, or you will be lost.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 Let's start from the bottom :
no, OP, you don't really KNOW for a fact that you'll never be able to meet another man, that you'll never have another chance but with him.
This is what it feels now because you are freshly heartbroken, and vulnerable and devoid of energy and hope- but that's something you have made up in your mind, that you have CHOSEN to think or believe, not a fact. There are instead millions of people that lose a first ,( or second, third etc :) love - they give themselves time to grieve and heal , then move on and at some point .. love someone else.
Of course , if you decide to cling to the thought that in the whole world THIS is and was your one and only shot at love, this may very well become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Because you'd close yourself up to any further possibility, any surprise, you'd keep comparing mentally any new guy you see with an unreal, glorified , mental image of this perfect ex love, rather than being curious to see and discover what's the new guy about ; and you 'd wallow in misery and self pity , which always gives out very off putting vibes and keeps people away from you.
Now, you are asking us DearCupiders to read the future, and , we are good:), but not that good. Dear OP, how can we tell you if this guy will change his mind in future ?
It would seem very improbable, particularly if he's getting back with an ex wife, but we cannot even say it's IMPOSSIBLE.
The problem though is another one, ... what are you gonna do, put your life on hold waiting that who knows maybe one day he might change his mind ? How long would you wait,... one year, 5 years, ... 15 years.... I hope you can see by yourself how that would be foolish and self defeating. What a terrible waste of time and potential.
Give yourself time to accept and grieve your loss- then move on.
Do something about the loneliness , not about catching THIS guy back. I really think that you love him so passionately not because he is he- but just because he was there, close, and - only apparently- available to fill the void you feel. In other words , you don't particularly want or need him, you want something or someone in general to ease the loneliness.
It's a natural desire, but it makes it tough for you, love has really a hard time to reach you when you operate from a place of need, of void- you have to act from a place of fullness, you have to have love and joy to GIVE, rather than asking it and needing it as a broken toy that can't function without a new love battery.
So.. God helps those who help themselves :). I know that you don't believe me right now, and that for you it is utter nonsense, but- a man, or THIS man, is not the only person and thing that can fill your void and make you less lonely. Try to make new friends, to get passionate about something other than men, ... a new hobby, or sport, or art, - get involved with volunteering, take in a pet.... DO something that can start fixing your loneliness . When a new man will come, he will only have to complete harmoniously the work you'll have already started yourself- that of making your emotional needs met. If you let the whole job there for a guy to take up- he well be scared and confused by the intensity and greed of your NEED ( not love ).
Good luck and, remember, this too shall pass.
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