A
male
age
36-40,
*luesMan83
writes:Back again for more insight. Since my last question, things have fallen into place and going well. The new issue that has arisen is, she seems to never get horny or want to have sex very often. We didn't have sex "all the time" when we first started dating but it was more often than now. I have a high libido, and she seemed to want sex more at the beginning, that's what I got used to, and now it's maybe once a week.I've sat down and talked to her about it, and you girls can tell me whether or not this is something that sounds feasible. She said the reason she doesn't want sex very often is because she has gained weight since we got together and she doesn't feel comfortable in her own skin. I said that I hadn't noticed any weight gain, which I haven't, and she said that maybe it's just setting in for her. I know that for women, they like sex to be a surprise, to just happen and not be planned. I have a tendency to say what's on my mind a little too often, and maybe that takes away from the excitement a bit. Is it possible that when we first started dating we had sex more often because she wanted to please me and now that she is more comfortable and secure that she doesn't feel that she has to have sex so frequently now?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2013):
 when my husband and I first started out we were always sexual... over time it has become almost non-existent. I would be THRILLED with once a week. Heck I'd be thrilled with once a month.
I asked him about it and he said he doesn't feel sexy now that he's gained weight. I tease him about being such a girl because usually men don't think about this but physically he is very uncomfortable right now.
As for women wanting sex to be a surprise, I don't necessarily agree with that premise. In any long term relationship there comes a time when you have to plan your time together. there is no crime in planning dates with your partner. Hump day is HUMP day for a reason... then you have sunday mornings....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): I can completely relate to your girlfriend here. I have been in the exact same position. For me, I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin and so I didn't want my other half to see me naked, and because of my hatred for myself we ended up splitting.
But I also found that after being with someone for 7years the excitement with sex died. He would never sweep me off my feet, and it never seemed to be spontaneous. It turned into this chore. He would role over and poke me. Which was not very romantic and definetly was not a turn on.
She may also feel a little shy about instigating sex. Make sure you make her feel comfortable and happy in her own skin and definitely make sex a spontaneous thing. Not planned!!!!
Sweep her off her feet a little and just maybe she will start to feel a little more confident.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 June 2013):
 I have a strong point-of-view about sex.... and frequency.
Take your last paragraph: "I know that for women, they like sex to be a surprise, to just happen and not be planned. I have a tendency to say what's on my mind a little too often, and maybe that takes away from the excitement a bit. Is it possible that when we first started dating we had sex more often because she wanted to please me and now that she is more comfortable and secure that she doesn't feel that she has to have sex so frequently now?"
Now... re-write/reread it, substituting "brushing their teeth" or "taking a shower" for "sex". Does that make sense to you? Of course not.... WHY would two perfectly "normal", healthy people not do whatever it takes to be sure to have an active and rewarding sex life?
It shouldn't be something that two lovers do "... when there's nothing good on TV..."....
End of sermon...
Good luck...
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