A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a question related to my other question:Why is it, that when I see a girl I like, she replies back to my message, she texts me, that I go over the top and text her with multiple messages? It's only human nature to try and rush things. Is it because I have had bad relationships in the past, am I scared of possible commitment?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Recently my 26 yr old son and I had a chat about how to find a girl to be serious with. My son is educated, he's tall, dark and handsome, he makes good money for his age, has his own place and his own interests. To be truthful, he's a "catch" to some extent. BUT, he keeps ending up with what my husband refers to as "crazy" girls. Now they are not really crazy, but rather they are RUSHING the relationships because they want one and when they meet a man who is interested in them they immediately set it up like it's a done deal with him.
These girls move stuff into his place almost right away. They have sex with him almost right away. They start talking marriage etc within a month. Almost instantly they want to be joined at the hip with my son 24/7. And while in the long run he wants these things, I have WARNED him that any young lady who does this within the first 6 weeks is probably not stable enough to consider anything long term or permanent.
Which is weird because I was always like that as a younger woman too. I rushed things because I wanted to be in a relationship. I never could let it grow and mature on it's own. Until I met my current husband.
I must admit from being here at DC I have learned a great deal about how men in general view women and how women in general deal with men they like. Human nature is interesting to be sure.
While i have no problem with premarital sex or casual relationships including two single folks being FWB, if what my child wants is a long term serious permanent relationship I have advised him that he must NOT consider a young lady who is willing to have sex with him in the first 6 weeks and never one who pushes for it, or overnights.
Not because they are trashy and not worthy of him, but rather because it indicates to me a need that is not going to be met by anyone for them.
If a woman you were interested in wrote here and said you were overpowering her with texts, calls etc I would advise her that you probably had emotional needs that would become very wearing on the relationship.
the best way for folks to find someone to love is to love yourself first... "the rest is gonna come when you let it..."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is a link to my other question:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-wait-until-the-divorce-comes-through.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): "It's only human nature to try and rush things."
No it's not, it's a fool's nature. Things that are rushed are things done badly. Whether that's a project for work or romance.
In romance people who rush seem clingy, desperate and overbearing. Not the greatest of qualities to display. Maybe that's just your dating style though. I prefer calm, cool, collected and calculating. OP one message put the right way will have a greater effect than 50 messages.
I didn't read your other question so I'm only answering this at face value.
OP I don't get how people can just fire a string of messages at someone else when the whole idea is trying to get to know someone, not shove your thoughts and ideas down their throat. Messaging is just a conversation. When you talk to people do you just rush to have your say? Are you one of these people that is like a verbal dam and as soon as you get your chance you just start rambling on?
OP always go for quality rather than quantity when it comes to conversation. It's as much, if not more, about use testing the quality of the woman than it is trying to show her who we are. If they're truly interested they'll make the effort to find that out themselves.
The best romances I've had were slow burning and patient, with a lot of mystery and plenty of tease. Rushing things only leads to short term gains with much greater risk of long term pain. If you just want to bed women and have short term flings then rushing things is fine but patience is a virtue in all ways in life. Thought, time and effort are the keys to success in most things with an emphasis on thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Spanner; you are spot on!
One of my past relationships was with a very immature girl who asked me to marry her even before met; she said she didn't want to be with me because of my disability (CP) and she tried to have sex with me on the second meeting (6 days after we met!)
I have been cheated on as well.
So, the advice you give is to wait a couple of weeks and text this girl I like again (she told me I was going too fast and that it is too much) with a funny thing about what happened to me one day or something, and see how it goes?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 June 2013):
 I agree with Spanner!!
The more you like a woman, the slower you should go. That way you get to know much more about her as women tend to divulge more when they think the guy isn't chasing.
Maybe you are judging every woman you meet by bad things that happened to you in the past and to be honest, if you are, then you may as well give up dating altogether.
Everyone is different and if you are really looking to get into a good relationship, you absolutely need to take your time.
Nobody likes to be rushed or pressurised and in relationships it's fatal. You will also find that women who do get involved very quickly are usually the insecure ones who just want to be with 'anyone' rather than 'someone'
Nothing will be lost from holding back and being subtle...try it and see.
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