A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, 1 year living together. His ex wife (with whom he has 2 children) remarried 2 years ago and just had a baby. During the pregnancy he gave me updates on her health, the scans and on the day of the birth was practically not off his phone checking her progress. I find this totally weird, especially as he has told me he is not intersted in having more children. Is he not over her? I asked him if he didn't think he was a bit overinvolved and he said "she is the mother of my children". I think it was excessive and he must get over her or I'm going to get over him.
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 June 2013):
 I'm a divorced mother and I have to say I think it's over the top.
Once you are divorced even if you SHARE children you want your ex to be healthy and happy and whole but you do not need to be in their lives 24/7
if the children are quite young then regular contact is needed but being so involved in her pregnancy with another man seems excessive to me.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2013):
 Do they share custody? Does he have the kids every now and then? If so I can MAYBE understand part of it, like if he was to have the kids when she went into labor or whatnot, but it seems just a tad much.
Though, I think he is totally OVER-INVOLVED, if you ask me. So they share two kids, fine. Then the conversation and interactions should be about THEM not her.
Is he not over her? That is hard to say, but he sure as heck isn't letting "go" of her.
And he gave YOU updated daily on her health/pregnancy? That is just odd, unless you also know her well or if you actually gave a damn (I wouldn't to be quite frank).
One a more positive note, it IS nice if they are civil with each other, but it must be really hard being the GF.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): You wouldn't understand. He has a history with his ex-wife, she IS the mother of his children; and he did once love her enough to marry her. He may have gotten over divorcing her, but not necessarily the love. Love changes over-time. It isn't the same love they shared when they were married. The vows we make will sometimes outlast the marriage. It didn't mean he would forget them. He made them from the heart.Although people may part for irreconcilable differences; it doesn't mean their love completely goes away like a cold. He may still carry a tinee tiny torch; but moved on enough to find love with you.You may not realize how much you mean to him; if you contaminate your feelings with jealousy or possessiveness. She has moved on to someone else, and he is now with YOU. He is reliving the profound joy he once experienced when he and she started a new family. Babies bring out the best in us!!! It was probably the best thing that ever happened to him; that he can nostalgically recall between them. Please be patient with him. It isn't weird at all. He is a kind and sensitive man who is happy for her. Instead of being jealous, resentful, or hateful.He has the ability to forgive. His love is real.That is wonderful. He must be a remarkable father.Believe me. This is all to your benefit. You have a kind and loving man. I understand why you would feel threatened; because you are so acutely aware of his capacity to be so loving andcompassionate. What attracted you to him in the first place?There was something different about him among others.He would be hard to share; especially with someone who was once so close to him. Don't despair or feel insecure. You must be pretty special to snag a guy like that.You have landed yourself the type of man most women and gay men are looking for. A forgiving and compassionate soul.Rare as diamonds. You must be something else yourself. All that and a bag of chips!Instead of being envious of his ex; feel lucky about yourself. Some guys don't get over their first love.Share in his joy. There is another man, and a baby in his way.That is a tough hurdle to get over. It means he has truly gotten over her; and he is content to know she has moved on to find her own happiness. It allows him to feel good about moving on himself, and he may no longer feel guilt for finding a new life; and happiness with you. If you ask me, you are the one to be envied. Her loss is your gain. Trust your taste in men. You have no reason to fret. Girlfriend, really???If you can't handle it, never date divorced men with children and a kind heart. I'd be happy to take him off your hands.You know how to pick 'em!!! Now learn how to keep him!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013):
If the shoe were on the other foot and you were obsession other an ex in the same manner , believe me he would not be shy in coming forward to say.
How do you feel about the rule of no more children ?
I think you should make it clear how this behaviour makes you feel and how it impacts on your relationship . Yes it is a step sister/brother for his children but he is his child father and really nothing to this new born baby . Tell him how would he feel it were turned the other way and you were he? Would he like it?
Be prepared to stand your ground .. An interest is of course okey but this sounds unhealthy .
...............................
|
