A
male
age
30-35,
*ollegeguy1989
writes:I am a young guy that is happy with my girl friend, but I need to get over my crush, which is her brother. I know it is bad, trust me I know, but I have strong feelings for him. Some days I am fine, but some days I hate myself that I feel these feelings. It does not make it easy when he is always so nice to me; he buys me things, he always tries to make me laugh, he has complimented my looks before, and gives me intimate hugs. I used to get drunk with him before and hoped he would do something and blame it on alcohol(I know it is stupid) but most he has done is held my hand and then hugs and stuff haha. But a few weeks ago it made me a little mad because he did not really have to be drunk to do anything because we all played truth or dare and there was a girl there, my girlfriend, and me. When he got dared to kiss me, he didnt care (he was going to do lips but I told him that a kiss can be anywhere-- I did not want to complicate my feelings anymore than it was) and kissed me on my forehead instead. When I got dared to kiss his cheek, I did it and he made a huge smile after which of course made me happy cause I did not want to make him uncomfortable. One truth was asked if we have ever kissed anyone of the same sex, I said I havent which is true, but he said that he has and even one time on the lips which shocked me because he acts like he hates gay people and stuff. Of course I was thinking damn I want to kiss him haha. My girlfriend and sister have kissed each other on the lips before due to dares, but I can't do it. I am afraid if I kissed him, I would never stop and everyone would be like "umm...wtf" haha. Sorry I was not trying to make this long, but how do I stop my feelings. I am deeply in love with my girlfriend and I don't want these wrong feelings for her brother. I put this on yahoo answers, and people said just to stop hanging out with him..its like "its my gf's brother, that would be impossbile!" haha. Anyone have words of wisdom? I used to have so much control, but I feel like my control is starting to fail. Thank you!!
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male
reader, collegeguy1989 +, writes (8 December 2010):
collegeguy1989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow these answers are so helpful thank you!
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 December 2010):
You can't help how you feel. You can only help what you do.
For example, I had a crush on my martial arts insructor. Problem was that he was happily married. So I let my feelings go loose in my head, but never acted upon them. Still, it was hard because sometimes he would give me a ride home and he was just always so nice to me. Today, 2 years later, I'm still his student twice a week. And I still fancy him. But he doesn't know. Maybe he has a hunch, but he's never indicated that to me. It's not the hollywood happy ending, but it's the right ending.
Now, you're not married or anything of the sort, so you need to figure out what's right for you. Try to rank your feelings for your gf and her brother. Categorize them. Since you've been with her for a while the initial 'high' of being in love will have worn off a bit. These feelings you have for her brother could be the excitement that something new and fresh brings. If that is all there is when it comes to him, swallow it and hold onto your gf, as hard as it may be. However, if you think it's deeper than that, and you're starting to doubt the love you have for your gf, it's time to act.
The problem with this is that there is usually no happy ending. Breaking it off with her and starting something with him (if he feels the same) usually does not work. Family ties will get in the way and will mess up everything. The only way to have a shot at that is to wait a while and then try. If it works, your then ex gf will not mind to much because your relationship with him will confirm there was nothing wrong with her that made it end. However, you have to be real lucky to have it turn out this way. Small chance.
So I think it's either holding onto her and swallowing your feelings for him or quitting it and cutting contact with the both of them.
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Well, I'm going to lie. It does sound like you could be bisexual. Only you're still quite young, and at your age it is completely normal to explore your sexuality to see what you like.
It's not "wrong" to have these feelings, you can't help who you like.
If you really do love your girlfriend, then you shouldn't act on it, it may be best to distance yourself from her brother as much as possible, which I can understand may be difficult as he's her brother and presumably, from what you say, they are quite close.
It sounds like it's just lust and should go away after a while, but if you find that you like him more than your gf, it might be good for you to experiment with him (after breaking up with her, of course). Although, having said that, it'd be a very messy situation and so you'd really have to think carefully before doing anything rash.
BTW, he hates gays and kisses guys? - It sounds like he's gay
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