A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. we are very compatible. Recently, for the second time, (his ex fiance who is married) has stayed at his place because her relationship was so bad and she had supposedly no where to go. It was for a few days each time and he didnt tell me right away I had to find out on my own. He says he was just helping her out and nothing happend. I broke up with him after the second time and has contacted me many times appologizing,saying it will never happen again and that he doesnt want to throw away 2 years over this. I am very hurt and deciding if it could be worked out or if I should move on? Any advice dealing with exes invoved? Thanks
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Just to add to this - I think she put him in a difficult situation, because he sounds like a nice guy, and although she is his ex, they may still get on and be supportive friends to each other (I do believe this is totally possible with an ex - if you are with someone a while, then even if you split up, doesn't always mean you then immediately stop caring all together about their wellbeing). He probably didn't want to let her down, if he (and she) genuinely thought she was stuck, and at the same time he didn't want to upset you with something which didn't in any way threaten your position in his heart. So he got in this mess. By being too nice.
So yes, again, I think you should give him that second chance. You have made your position very clear, and he is respecting it. That is a very very good foundation for a relationship.
A
male
reader, RUSH  +, writes (8 December 2010):
This is a tricky situation. You don't want him to think you are insecure but at the same time you don't want him thinking he can do things that upset you and get away with it. If it is possible I would have a chat with his ex and see what she has to say about the situation. From my experience women will not hide anything from one another. If something did indeed happen she would most likely convey that info to you.
Now if he does find out that you did this, it may piss him off and rightfully so. The reason I say this is because one if shows a level of distrust towards him but if he cares sincerely about you he doesn't really have a choice. If he wants to work things out you have the right to inform yourself of the true nature of what happened while she "stayed" at his house for multiple days. After all how hard is it to sleep with your ex, it is pretty much second nature, especially if she is hurt and vulnerable she probably threw herself at him. If he did indeed keep his "paws" to himself then you have a definite keeper!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for responding! It has really helped and I will give him a second change. He told me it will never happen again and he knows I would never take him back if it did. Thanks everyone!
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Yes, it could very well be worked out. It's nice of him to let his ex stay with him while she has no where else to go, but highly inappropriate. She can stay in a hotel. SHe doesn't have friends?
If that makes you uncomfortable then make sure he agrees that it can't happen again. If you are comfortable enough with your guy, then when she needs a place to stay again and elects his house, then stay over there with them until she leaves if just for peace of mind for you.
Your guy may just be a genuinley nice guy and was trying to help her out in the only way he knew how. I would stay and work things out with him.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 December 2010):
Well, I´m quite cynical myself, but sometimes when people say nothing happened, they´re telling the truth. Not everyone jumps their ex when noone is around to see it. There´s a reason she´s his ex and not his current gf. And yes, in this rotten world there are a couple of good people left who don´t say no when someone asks for their aid, even if that means upsetting the always suspicious loved one.
I would give him a second chance. If he´s undeserving of one, you´ll find out soon enough. But for once, I think you might have a good one here. If you really put your trust in him and tell him so, it will be much harder for him to break that trust than when dealing with someone who is always second guessing him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): He may well be kindly, helping her out when she is in trouble. You have made your concerns clear and he may well tell his ex that he risks losing you if he has her stay again. That's the best you can do for now. Trust him but if you get a hint that maybe things are not what they seem - finish it. You don't want to get into the 'there are three people in this relationship' type is problem.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (8 December 2010):
I think his reaction is that of an innocent man and you should work it out with him.
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