A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My cousin has just had a lovely baby boy and he is absolutely gorgeous, but when i went to see her today i found myself refusing to have a hold of him. Up until actually arriving at the maternity ward, i was eager to have a hold but when it came to the point i couldn't. People asked me pretty much immediately why not and i had no explanation to hand at all.They all looked at me weird and i was so angry at myself, when i walked home, i trudged there feeling pretty shitty.Is it normal not to want to hold a baby, when i had previously been so supportive about the fact my cousin was having a baby and was just as excited as she was.I have the impression now that my cousin was disappointed with my attitude and aside from actually texting her and saying i hope she didnt mind me not holding him, i don't feel there is much else i can do.My friend is also due to have a baby in 6 weeks and once again i have been excited about the process but now i think, if i won't even hold my cousins baby, how will i cope when i go and see my friends baby.I just feel so horrid. Is it normal?
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female
reader, youngmum89  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 when i was pregnant a girl i new had a baby a few wks before i had my son i went to see her in hospital i was terrified to hold her son, any of my friends that had babies i was terrified to hold their babies too, but when i had my own its was totally different
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (2 December 2010):
I think it's fairly normal. I dont like holding babies either, not at least until they're more "sturdy." When they're newborn I'm afraid I'll hurt them or won't hold them right so it freaks me out and I won't hold them. Don't feel bad, and others shouldn't make you feel weird. Just explain to them why you feel that way. I do, and I think it's pretty understandable and maybe even shows some good nature to not want to hold a baby for fear of hurting it.
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Two great answers. I enjoy holding babies, but I have definitely had the same vibe as Maverick. Sometimes I would just rather not, and for the same reasons they described.
Course as a male I'm not under the same social pressure to wield babies like Ninjas do swords.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Holding a baby is a scary thing if you haven't done it before. I mean, what if you drop it! They look like they break really easily! Once you've been about kids a bit more you realise how ridiculous that fear is.
It's a shame that you didn't express your fear when they asked you to hold the baby. They would have sat you down in a chair, got you to put your arms across your chest, and lowered the baby on your chest and arms. So you wouldn't have had to do the seemingly scary bit -- lifting the baby. Then you'd have smelt the baby smell, felt the baby feel, been amazed at just how small and yet perfect they are, and you would have had a totally different experience.
It would be a good idea to ring your cousin, apologise, explain your fear and have a laugh. Then ask her how she is going and listen to her. Some mothers feel a bit isolated after all the excitement has passed, and so you should keep in touch and just be there for her. When the baby grows into a toddler, one of your roles as an auntie is to offer enough childminding for the mother to retain her sanity.
The next time someone asks, just explain your fear and ask if they could hand you the baby rather than you pick it up. They'll be fine with that. And I'll bet that when it's time to pass the baby back then you'll have the hang of it.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 December 2010):
I don't like to hold other people's babies either. I see them, how fragile they are and then I get afraid I will do something wrong to upset the child, not hold him/her right, etc. I get it everytime and people are surprised and sometimes even miffed. I just tell them that I have more fun watching the mom interact with her baby instead of having me hold someone so precious and vulnerable. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.
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