A
female
age
30-35,
*untress149
writes:I'm sorry in advance if this is too long!I'm a 19 year old university student.This semester,I decided to do a project on a specific class,and so I went to the professor's office to discuss the subject of my project with him,as all students have to do.Now,I went in there with 4 friends of mine,who formed a "team" and would do the project all together,I prefer doing projects on my own.While we were there,he kept talking and advising us about random things,like appreciating a relationship,having fun in our university years etc.He is in general a really pleasant person,and he likes joking with his students(he also has a reputation of hitting on his female students a lot).When my friends left and I was left alone in the office with him,Afterr telling him my name,the year I was in etc.,he asked me if I was a good girl,and that I am a very kind and bright person.I smiled and thanked him,the he went on telling me to enjoy life and stuff,as before,but at the end he asked me if I was in a relationship right now.I smiled and didn't say anything,as my mobile phone rang and I told him I had to go.I had to go again at his office,to give him the official plan of my project and the books I was going to use,two weeks later.He remembered me and my name,and the project I did(its subject was my idea and a very unique one)and told me to take a sit.He has two armchairs in front of his desk,I sat in the one that is more distant from him,and he told me to sit in the other one so "he could look at me more clearly".He was avoiding talking about my project,and he kept me 1 hour and five minutes in his office,telling me that as a young woman I should be feminine,and that it's a good thing I am so,that my eyes are the jewels of my face,that my smile is really warm and kind,and then he kept advising me about what to do with my life.I didn't respond much,so he kept telling me to relax,and at a point,he asked me if he could hold my hand.I didn't even say yes or no,as he immediately grabbed it,and said that it was warm like my soul,then he put his hand on my hair teeling how sweet I am.When I stood up to leave,he stood up too and hugged me,telling me to relax and not misunderstand this hug.After this,he asked me if I was in a hurry,and told me to sit down again,asking me what makes me happy,where I'm from,if I have siblings,where I live and so on.He wouldn't let me go,telling he really enjoyed my companion,but I told him that a friend was waiting for me(that was merely true).I said goodbye,and he asked me when I was going to visit him again,I said that I had a tight schedule,and so he told me that,even if I wouldn't go to his office soon,he'd want me to think about what he had told me.All the times I stood up,I caught him looking at my body and never at my eyes too.It is long indeed,sorry!What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Hmm..its obvious he like you.. and he's interested in you.. but stating.. that he looks at your body most of the time rather than eye contact.. must make you realize that.. he likes you for your body..and he's attracted to you.. he finds you beautiful and he wants ask you out or something.. or if not serious then. maybe he just wants to hook up.. but if he's serious then.. its inappropriate.. but it's still up too you.. if you like him back.. then give it a go.. and have your relationship secretly ..but if he's not serious and he just wants to hook up.. then better stay away from him.. and do let yourself again be alone in his office :)
Hope this helps...
A
female
reader, Huntress149 +, writes (12 November 2010):
Huntress149 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have no words to express how grateful I am for your advice...I really needed it!Thank you very very much!
I will be very careful and take the situtation in my hands!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 he's very good that all i am going to say, he is twisting things so that you question was it your fault, he has you exactly were he wants you and he thinks if he can convince you it was your fault he acted like this then you will be to scared to go to someone to report him, dont let him twist your mind, you never asked for him to talk to you like this, he sounds quite dangerous and manipulative to me, stay clear of him, if he tries this again report him if not for your sake then for the sake of all of the other vunerable and shy students.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This man has a problem. Any professor should be well-educated enough to know that it is totally inappropriate in this day and age to treat paying students this way. Your tuition is paying this perv's salary, honey. It sounds like you are a great student and very polite in an unacceptable situation. Document the incident. You can be polite with him if that is your character, but you must also be firm with him and not give him any room to take advantage of you. Do not enter his office alone because he may pose a danger to you if you do so. There is a name for touching you without your consent, even if it's "just" your hair or your hand. It's called battery. He told you not to take it the wrong way because what he did is grounds for a lawsuit. No joke. Changing your appearance to deter him doesn't get to the heart of the problem; you should be able to look and act the way that YOU want, not the way that HIS desires dictate or prevent. He has NO RIGHT to treat you like that. Even if he's not evil (just ill) you should not let his personal failings get in the way of your education. Academics are entrusted with young people's minds but this one needs his own checked. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (12 November 2010):
Wow, he's not even trying to hide it, using pick up lines even! How pathetic of him.
I'm like you, the polite, smiley one who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings. What's happening right now is that your gut and your morals are clashing. Your cut is telling you "Ick, this guy is hitting on me!" and your mind is making excuses because he acts 'nice' and you don't want to tell him off because of that.
Let me tell you this: throw all that out of the window and start listening to that little voice in your head that says something's fishy. Trust your gut on this because it tends to be right.
Next time cut your time short. Once he's done with discussing your project, tell him thank you and leave. And then just leave. If he tries to keep you there with small talk, cut in and say "I'm sorry but I'm really busy. I need to go." And then GO. No smiles, just saying how it is.
This will be hard, so maybe practise in front of a mirror. Work on your confidence, keep your back straight.
Basically you have to become unattractive to him. Right now he likes you because you're shy and have good manners. So try to step up for yourself. And always have someone with you or have them waiting outside his office just incase.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): "I was very confused,because he told me that even without saying a word,I forced him to tell me all those things,and that made me thought if I was responsible at all."
This is how sickos operate. If you're passive and unsure how to respond, they think their advances are welcomed.
If you're the passive and nice type, he's simply taking advantage of you. Either avoid him at all costs and keep a friend with you like we suggested earlier, or TELL HIM OFF!
Either way, a person like that can be very dangerous to you. Please stay safe.
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A
female
reader, Huntress149 +, writes (11 November 2010):
Huntress149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot!Your replies are very useful.
I will try to keep off him as much as I can,although I will have to go again at his office at least one time(to hand in my project-when he asked me when I was going to visit him again,I acted innocent and asked him if he meant that he wanted a sample of my project.He told me "If that will be a reason for you to come here again,I want one").
I was very confused,because he told me that even without saying a word,I forced him to tell me all those things,and that made me thought if I was responsible at all.
There is no person I can trust here,maverick494...But I will keep off,for sure!
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A
female
reader, Huntress149 +, writes (11 November 2010):
Huntress149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both very much!I think I can keep off for a long time,I will only need to go there again one time to hand in my project,I think that
I was 50% sure that something is really happening,but what confuses me is that he told me,in our second meeting,that I,even without saying a word,led him in that kind of a conversation!I'm wondering if I am responsible a bit too,but I can't really help smiling or being polite,as that's me!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 November 2010):
Oh and PS: if his behaviour doesn't let up or gets worse even, do not hesitate to report him, like aunt honesty said. This man is suppose to guide you, not seduce you. His job is on a thin line and I presume he's kept it because people didn't dare report him. Don't refrain from doing so, even when he's being nice. If he's behaving inappropriately, he deserves to be punished.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 November 2010):
From all the "is my teacher into me?" questions, this is the first one I answer with: YES.
This guy seems creepy and you're not imagining it either. I mean, at the point you have to make excuses to get out of there, something's wrong.
Now, what to do? To be honest, I'm pretty torn on this one. - Is there someone at your university you can trust? At mine, our class is assigned someone you can go to for issues like these. So if that's the case with you, talk to that person about it. They aren't allowed to pass on anything they talk about with you.
- When you have to go into his office, always take a friend or classmate with you. arrange for them to stay as long as you do.
- Wave off every suggestion he makes and NEVER let him arrange a meet up somewhere outside of the confinements of the University. I'm not saying he will propose to do so, but better to be safe than sorry.
- Take control of the conversation. He talks about relationships and other stuff not his business? Talk about your project, class and any boring subject. Redirect every fishy comment to something boring and safe.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (11 November 2010):
Hi to be honest he sounds very sleezy and definetely not like a professor. His job is to teach students and act towards them in a professional manner, while here he is trying to seduce you with words, he is trying to use his wisdom to get his wicked way with you and i find that quite disturbing that a professional man could be so coniving. i think you need to keep you distance from him, at the end of the day he obviously doesnt think much of his career or he wouldnt be hitting on his students. If his behaviour continues to be like this and it makes you feel uncomfortable tell him that, or else report him to the head if things get bad.
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A
female
reader, Huntress149 +, writes (11 November 2010):
Huntress149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy question is,is he hitting on me or it's only my imagination?what should I do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): It's obvious he was coming on to you! If i were you i would report him straight away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Um, stay the heck away from him. He's a creep.
Never go into his office without a friend with you. Keep someone with you at all times when you are around him.
People like that get fired over here for that kind of behavior... Best of all, write this down. If you avoid him and he gets angry about it, your grade may suffer, and you may need to build a case about him.
What a jerk!
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