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male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but I get extremely angry when a woman is interested in me but she plays hard to get. Why do women do that?Why can't they just throw themselves at you if they are genuinely interested. It would make life less complicated. Right?I'm not trying to be judgmental. I just want the truth. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (9 December 2010):
"ivanichiaynus" True is what you said. But my point was...Nature goes through a geat of work to carry on the with life. Mating calls, building nest, fighting for the right to mate, and so on.
We humans have the best means to communicate, yet we fail to try,and expect our mates to just "throw themselves at us," because we lack certain skills.
Look at famous people. Woman throw themselves at them all the time, and guess what...it gets boring real fast.
Women are not that complicated if you know how to listen, and to listen with out forming judgement. A man who learns how to listen, will learn more than one who loves to talk.
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (8 December 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your answers. I don't know if it's right or wrong to play hard to get, but I just think everyone is different. Some people like the game and some don't.
That is all.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (8 December 2010):
Because the last thing a guy wants is a woman to throw themselves at us.....
Almost no guy wants a woman that is to easy. In fact, the more they make us work at it, the more we usually like them in the end.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I played hard to get and it backfired at month 11. He's happily married to the woman. I can't stop kicking myself in my rearend for having been so childish for selecting the game over maturity. I lost. He gained. I messed up big time. He really did love me.
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reader, ivanichiaynus  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Oh "BrownWolf", you made me laugh! Not really from what you said; not directly, anyway, but by recalling a memory....
The mother of my pet dog was impregnated by the fateher, who was tied up at the time - she went and offered herself to the dog!
I know that's off-topic, but what you said about nature isn't always true.
Interesting debate, though, and well evidenced in nature apart from that doggy incident.
Ivan.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I hate to admit it but I enjoy the thrill of the chase. The initial courting love/infatuation thing does give me a bit of a "high." It also lets me know the guy better. Guys do this too. It would be less confusing if we could eliminate this game but it would be less fun. Of course, this is only initially. After you get to know the guy and like him, the games end. Hang in there--it's all part of it!
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (8 December 2010):
Look at nature...do you see the females throwing themselves at the males? Or do the male have to work to get the female?
Why should it be any different with us.
Good women are hard to get...like diamonds and gold. The fake stuff you can get any where.
So...which would you rather work for??? Real diamonds, or the easy fake ones??
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): A piece of advice Bruce Lee, healthy women that want something serious or long term with you are going to make you work for it. That's what you have to do to get them. A girl that will throw themselves at you usually will throw themselves at anyone, unless of course you're rich, famous or extremely handsome.
The attitude that has always worked for is to assume they want me but are just making me work, I always assumed that so I always kept trying. I've even had girlfriends that weren't interested in me nor attracted to me but I had shown such a desire through my persistence that they ended up dating me. Okay that's not ideal I know and they never lasted long because of that lack of attraction but it just shows how powerful a feeling being desired is for a woman.
It's so strong that a lot of them will actually date a guy they don't necessarily like just for that feeling of being special and very desirable. If you look around you, you'll notice that in the media they put an obsessive spin on being attractive for women, in the clothes they wear, their makeup, their bodies, being thin, looking young, having big breasts etc. All that is about wanting to feel desired and women that don't really care about that kind of stuff that much are the ones that realize they're desirable anyway just the way they are.
So next time you date a girl and you think she's playing hard to get, just understand she wants you to show her that desire and prove to her it is real.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Haven't you ever heard the saying "He chased her until she caught him."?
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reader, Cupid Boy +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I agree, it's a dumb, manipulative, and counterproductive game. "We do it because if we play hard to get and you still come after us it proves how much you want to be with us." Umm, that's not gonna work on some shyer nice guys. They could in fact be really interested in you, actually more interested than the aggressive player who keeps on coming. But since they are more discreet and respectful, they will take your feigned disinterest and coldness literally. So when girls play hard to get, some guys won't pursue -- not because they don't care about her but because they DO care and don't want to be the disrespectful jerk who won't take no for an answer. I believe people should vary their approach depending on who they're dealing with. Go ahead and act unobtainable and aloof with vain, cocky guys or with players who love the chase more than what they are chasing. But know that if you do that all the time with everyone, you could be filtering out the decent, respectful guys who don't play games.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): It's usually done by girls that are insecure or have been hurt in the past, it's a test of interest and desire.
We guys are supposed to be the ones chasing (according to traditional gender roles anyway), some girls need a lot of chasing. You see everyone's version of desire is different. I know girls that are so insecure they only date guys that become obsessed with them almost immediately, call them 10 times a day to see what they're doing, ask them to be their girlfriend after the first date etc. To them that's their needed proof that they desire them, even though to everyone else it's a big red flag because that kind of obsession is unsustainable in the long run or it can even be dangerous. There are also girls that just have lost their trust in guys and will make guys work very hard to gain that trust because they're afraid of getting hurt again which is fair.
You see the thing with girls is that they realize most of us guys are full of crap and will say just about anything to get them into bed. They also realize if the guy is attractive enough and knows what to say, they can be easily disarmed and used. So instead of believing the lies the majority of guys will use to achieve that, they make them prove themselves and prove their interest because the harder the guys works for it the more proof that he really wants them, or so the is the logic behind it anyway. Most women who have had an active dating life have fallen prey to a smooth talker, only to realize later that everything he said was a crock and meant nothing. Even when guys mean what they say, sometimes it's just drunken talk or thinking with their other head. Smart girls will make a guy work to get her. The guys that give up easily aren't worth it in the long term or they were only after one thing all along, as the logic behind goes.
The girls I know that don't believe in playing hard to get to some degree get continually burned by guys unless of course they only want the casual to begin with.
Think for yourself here a second, which is a better reputation for a girl hard to get or easy? Because that's also a factor, most girls really don't want to be known as easy, we all know why that is. Again it can be hard for girls to find the right balance of making a guy work but not making themselves completely closed off and accessible. Being used is one of the worst feelings for anyone, so playing hard to get at the end of the day is a protective mechanism.
Now life would be a lot easier if everyone was always honest about their intentions, if guys were like that then girls wouldn't need these mechanisms.
Now let me ask you another question, if you had a daughter that was just starting dating, would you rather she made guys prove themselves or would you rather she threw herself at guys? You see it;s different you're the guy that wants to have women throw themselves at you but if it was your daughter or sister then you'd want her to be more cautious about it well I assume you would anyway.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I think both men and women like to play this games. Although some of us play is more than is needed and sometimes too extreme.
I think generally we play this game to test a person's affections and to see how interested they are. To decipher what they want from us. One night stand? Friendship? FWBS? Relationship? You just don't know these days and this is our way of finding out. Almost like a defense mechanism so we don't get hurt.
It would be a lot easier if men/women could just walk up to someone else that they like or that they are interested in and just tell them what they want from them. "Hey, I think you're hot. I want to have a one night stand with you." Yes, that would be a lot easier, but that's not going to happen.
IF people were to do that, just out of pure instinct and self preservation wouldn't you think they are lying to you? Or try to use what they have said to your advantage?
Perhaps we will evolve someday to where we don't have to play games to get a date or to test someone's loyalty.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): It's human nature, natural instincts is for the female specie to be 'Selective' in her choice for a mate, for many reasons, stemming from she needs to be selective to ensure she gives her offspring the best genes - In the modern day, this translates to the male, as her still being selective, that she doesn't have sex with any guy, doesn't put herself on a plate for him to have, without her knowing first if he's around for the ride or because he really likes her. That is why females rarely hook the guy they sleep with very quickly - as this proves she is likely to do this most males, that her selection process is not about his qualities or whether he will make a stable mate.And of course men do this too, it's just another way for him to find out more about the female. If not looking for a relationship of any commitment, then these selection process's are not required, especially if your FWB's or casual sexual intimacy, but if you're looking for a genuine guy, who may want to be with you long-term, it's best to be as selective as possible ( play hard to get, if that's what you want to call it - keep at arms length, until you know more about the guy)
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 December 2010):
Well, the problem with serving yourself on a plate is that a lot of guys take advantage of that. It's hard to tell if someone is really interested or if they just want to sleep with you. Letting someone put in a bit more effort is a way of finding out. Also, it's not just women who do this. Men as well
Also, playing hard to get for me isn't something I conciously do. It's not like a strategy or something, for me. It's just how I am. I just want to find out more about the guy before I take the plunge, which means keeping him at arm's length if I need to. It might not be the right approach, but it's how things work for me.
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female
reader, smminnieme +, writes (8 December 2010):
 We do it because if we play hard to get and you still come after us it proves how much you want to be with us. Us women don't want to fall for a guy for him to just dump and forget about us which is why we act this way. Don't blame us it's just in the women nature to do it!
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reader, loveistheanswer +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Well, personally I too hate the hard to get game, and I am a woman. But remember guys play this game too. It's human nature, to want the other person to chase you, in order to secure in your mind the depth of their interest. Again, remember that both sexes do this. Yes, it is annoying, and yes if a person is self-confident enough they don't need to do this. I too feel the world would be much less complicated if we even just eliminated this one stupid silly little game. But remember even animals in the wild have their little mating games they play, where the one party plays hard to get. Something hardwired, I guess. But as people we have brains, and we can overcome instinct.
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