A
female
age
30-35,
followtheblackrabbit
writes:Every time I see a sex question posted by a young girl 13-15, I cringe and tell myself, "Don't you dare read this." Myself stubbornly refuses to listen, blows me a raspberry, and reads on - hell is sometimes unleashed. The questions which affect me the most deal with virginity. "He says we can't work if we don't have sex" "I lost my virginity and I think I'm pregnant now..." "Will it hurt when we do it...?" "Can you lose your virginity by being fingered?" And the list goes on. I look at my younger cousins sometimes, giggling over Spongebob, squealing over the Justin Bieber and the newest pre-teen crazes and I have to turn away. I wonder about the part of themselves they hide from me. The boys at school, the friends who fill their minds with half-truths, pressure, gossip, and ideas that churn in their minds and come pouring out in actions that lead to their pain. This is the story of two girls I know:"Ella" was fourteen, painfully shy. Hid herself in baggy jackets and jeans to forget the baby fat that assaulted her body at the turn of puberty. I was her friend and enemy. She hated me every time I told her she was beautiful-she thought I was lied. Her eyes would blaze at me and her lips curled with disgust. She'd grab her stomach and yell, "SINCE WHEN IS FAT BEAUTIFUL?!" "Ella, you're not fat!" She would nod and move on to other things. When she started losing weight, a demon replaced the pounds she starved herself to lose. A boy replaced me, school, everything else. She was fourteen, he was sixteen with a car. "Kayla" was always joking. In middle school, she managed to be hilarious without resorting to profanity. She loved making up knock-knock jokes or answering our teachers with silly puns. Her green eyes always seemed to be smiling. Then, she got quiet. The words that slipped from her mouth were forced. My mother shrugged, "She's growing up." She distanced herself from me, our other friends... Insecure, I thought it was because she no longer liked me. She was popular, I was just "cool" enough not to be an outcast. I allowed her to go her own way. She started making the honor roll, I saw her often at the mall. She'd smile sometimes when I waved. When a counselor called me in to her office and asked questions, so many terrible questions- I thought I had died and gone to hell. Ella thought her virginity would keep a restless boy. Her story is not all there. I moved away and years later, I learned from someone else that she was sick. The boy had made her sick and she never knew, not until she donated blood to the Red Cross and got a phone call. I imagine she didn't believe it. I saw her again, visiting my old street. She looked at me, then quickly glanced away. She put her head down and walked past me, I still remember the scent of her perfume-something thick, flowery and expensive. Her boots were leather and her cleavage peeped out from a silk shirt that brought out her eyes. Kayla... she still causes red eyes when I think of her. I was her friend and she took her terrible secret with her. She didn't give her virginity. It was stolen. By who, I feel to sick to say. So here, for you young girls reading this, please think about these things:Your virginity is only as important as you make it out to be. Your body houses your soul, whoever you allow into your body has access to your soul and therefore, you're made vulnerable-you can be hurt. Don't trust anyone more than you do yourself. If you're going to have sex, it pays to use condoms AND to be on a form of birth control. In my opinion, you cannot lose your virginity if you do not willingly give it, if you're "fingered" you've lost nothing-even if you bleed. Losing your hymen does not mean you lose your virginity, only the bona-fide sexual organ can do that. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU MATTER. There is NO ONE like you in the world. Even if you don't quite believe it, you are a treasure, act like a treasure. You are no one's toy. You're not meant to be used. Young men, you too are valuable. Having your virginity does not mean you are less than than anyone else. You deserve love and consideration too. Please, think before acting....
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condom, cousin, hymen, insecure, lost my virginity, move on, shy Reply to this Article
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female
reader, iampurplesea  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 Thanks to the author who wrote this. I totally agree with you. I won't give my virginity to anyone before I married.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (14 November 2010):
followtheblackrabbit is verified as being by the original poster of the question Maverick, PurityChild-thank you for your insights! PurityChild I never meant to make my opinions generalize teens...I know many girls who waited and resisted peer pressure, but when I wrote this, I was thinking about others-Friends I knew and a group of middle schoolers I met where one girl was pregnant at 13. It made me sad to see. I simply wish kids would enjoy being kids. I wish they'd take the time to learn about themselves and the implications that come with sharing your body with another being. Again, I'm not saying all teens should be abstinent until marriage-I simply think both girls and boys should simply give themselves some time and life experience before sex is considered and hopefully, they'd be in a loving, trusting relationship when they do feel ready :)
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A
female
reader, PurityChild  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Well not every teen is thinking about sex, because I know that I'm 16 and I want to wait until marraige and I feel really strongly about waiting and my boyfriend respects the idea as well. I think that teens now a days need to suround them selves with people that were raised the right way and not brought up in homes where they were alowed to do whatever they want to do. I have friends that are mostly virgins and my boyfriend is one too, and he never pressures me to have sex, NEVER! But great article though! =)
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 November 2010):
Great article! Hope many will read it.
When I was 14 there was a girl in my class called Tamara. She was called a whore because she dressed in übershort skirts, stockings and had this push up bra that made her B cup seem like a D. She had the reputation of sleeping with every guy she came across. Another girl in my class, Suzie was 15 years old and had a 24 y/o boyfriend and said she slept with him whenever they were together. Many more stories like that.
At the time I thought it was normal. Everyone who was "cool" had sex. I wasn't cool, guys wouldn't talk to me and I felt bad because I hadn't done it yet. I remember being 16 and feeling super insecure because I was "the only girl in the world" who hadn't "done it" yet.
Right now I'm 22. And guess what: I'm still a virgin. Not because I'm ugly, but because at one point I realized the madness of society and didn't want to rush it. I was too busy to commit to a serious relationship and I don't want to lose it to some guy.
I ran into a couple of ex classmates a few months ago. At the time they were among the most popular ones and I was the outcast. I was called Remy and Thirteen (13 was my birthday date and a bad number, Remy was a boy in a comic called "all alone on the world".) But now the roles had been reversed.
They had small children. They didn't have a boyfriend. Instead of that they had an STD keeping them company (I overheard one of them say it). I was healthy and free. I was working on a degree while they had barely finished highschool.
I'm not telling young girls to wait as long as I have. Just wait until you know what you're doing. And at 14, you don't know what you're doing, no matter how mature you think you are.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Chocolate:) +, writes (9 November 2010):
 I totally understand what your saying! Im 14, and today in Health class, a girl was talking about how many times shes had sex with her boyfriend. And she went into detail, saying how they had sex at least 5 times a week. I think thats a bit pathetic. And plain horrible! It's not right and it made me want to puke! 8| nasssttttyyyyy
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (8 November 2010):
followtheblackrabbit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous, I agree. It's sickening how our society influences sexuality in children so early. Sex education about reproduction, production is fine- but then, that's canceled out in young minds when they see their favorite idols in riske situations and flaunting their sexuality. Basically, these celebs are rewarded for their disgusting behavior with attention, endorsement deals, success. I'm not saying Hollywood is to blame, but there something's wrong. Too many factors that are influencing/encouraging this behavior in children. There's something wrong when even the most attentive, loving parents can find out that their 12yr old is pregnant and can't name a father. It's sad that sex is what they're turning to feel grown up and loved. They cheat themselves of so much...In our current state, abstinence is a wonderful idea that is rarely realized. How adults treat sex is one thing-they know the consequences, can deal with them. How kids treat sex is another-and it gets more frightening every day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): well written article on virginity. Something is wrong if the Norms in a society condone and encourage children to have sex. If such young children want to be together they should not be permitted to go off to the bedroom together. Some parents are clearly failing to set standards when they should be caring enough to teach their children that underage sex is wrong. Or if well meaning but utterly wrong people think it is cute that 13 year olds think they are in a relationship just because they are having sex together. Something is very wrong amongst teachers who tease children they see getting on well as being 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. And the norms in a society are all wrong , if a boy of 10 upwards to anything under the legal age of consent thinks he has to have sex with other similarly young girls. It is abhorrent. Advertisements are wrong that sexualise little girls aged 3 upwards in clothing inappropriate for their age.
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A
male
reader, evildrspock +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I hope many people read this.
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