A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband left 2 weeks ago. I told him I didn't think there was anything he could do to fix the marriage and it was over. The next day he packed and left. 2 weeks in and I know I made the WRONG decision. I want him to come home more than anything and show him how much I love him. Thing is he already has a new 'friend'. He moved in with his best friend, who after 1 week told him about another friend of his (a female) who left her husband in July. He said they should start talking, it would be a good source of support for my husband. When my husband came by this weekend to visit the children his phone went off and I saw it was her. I saw where he had been texting her daily, for hours on end for the previous week. I told him I really want to work on things but he said it was too little, too late. He says the new person is just a friend, they have a lot in commona and she is very funny. I gave him 15 years and he moved on in a week.....I'm DEVASTATED! I know he says they are just friends now, but 2 people on the rebound looks like a train wreck waiting to happen. He says no, they are just friends. If that is the case how can he go from the night he left asking if there was anything he could do to fix this and was there anyway he could change my mind to now when I;m begging him to give us another shot it's like we've been split for months and months. Is his behavior inappropriate and what can I do to win him back and come home to me and our children?
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female
reader, Bee4ever +, writes (10 November 2010):
I'm sorry but I think everyone is right, this is out of your control. The other "friend" is a nice diversion for him without any emotional baggage so that is why he is interested. Rather than showing him your needy side I suggest you pick yourself up and re-invent yourself. Cut your hair differently, go out with friends or simply look confident. He might come back if he sees that you are a positive person to be around. Laughing and not dragging things down will win him back. There is no way 15 years of good times can be thrown out that easily. Let him know you are interested in counseling and still leaning in on him. It's not to late yet to get him back! Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): He is likely devastated and hurting. You told him it was over and beyond repair after all. He's had time for those words to go around his head over and over again. How do you think you'd be feeling right now if he'd said that to you!
If he was seeing this lady as more then just a friend he might think it's no longer any of your business. Or there is simply nothing going on.
If you are serious about getting him back tell him you realize you were wrong, that you still love him and ask him to consider relationship counseling. Most of all, be ready to get off your high horse and commit to him. You need to identify what has gone wrong, including your part in all this. He may not want to take you up on counseling but if you leave the offer open until he is ready then he may just come around to it.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (9 November 2010):
This is out of your hands now. You told him you want him back, but that doesn't make it all okay again. My theory on the reasons behind your ex's behaviour is this:
I think he might still be reeling from the break up. A common coping mechanism is to act all tough and show attempts of moving on instead of sulking like a lot of women tend to do. What he's doing is purely to save his ego and sense of self worth. He's already back onto the market and talking to women. This woman he's parading around at your expense is his way of saying "hey, I'm not dependent on you. I'm still attractive to the other sex!"
When you told him you wanted him back, he could have taken it as a sign of pity. Like "well, since noone will take you and I kicked you out, I will give you a second chance out of the goodness of my own heart."
So instead of thinking of your own misery, think of how your action might have come across to him. Because truth to be told, if my loved one broke up with me and then 2 weeks later said he still loved me and wanted me back, I'd feel like trash.
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