A
female
age
36-40,
*uriouskitten
writes:I got into a relationship with someone online. We've been dating for 3months and I fell in love with his personality. I flew across the country to meet him and now that I have I'm not really physically attracted to him. My question is, should I stay with him or break it off? I'm hesitant because I'm just scared to be alone...
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (24 November 2010):
 You're not being shallow by what you have written. It is very normal for us to want a certain level of physical attractiveness in our partners. Like I said before, it's our genes to want that. If you're not comfortable with all of him, not just parts, then it won't last.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Well then if you think you can look past his appearance then carry on. However, if you're put off by him that much then this relationship won't last.
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A
female
reader, Curiouskitten +, writes (9 November 2010):
Curiouskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I went out there and upon meeting him there wasn't that initial spark like people have sometimes. Since I was meeting him for the first time I was really nervous and uncomfortable. It was weird because eventhough I have been dating him for 3mo it was like I really didn't know him. He was instantly attracted to me and for me it took longer. I'm usually attracted to guys who are taller than me and he is about the same height and a little on the heavy side. I just feel horrible saying this because I feel shallow for his height and weight bothering me. I'm hesitant yes to break it off with him because I do not want to be alone yes but also I don't want to just write him off just because of his physical appearance. Ive gotten attached to him but I don't want to waste my time being desperate to stay with someone just because I'm lonely...
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A
female
reader, Curiouskitten +, writes (9 November 2010):
Curiouskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I went out there and upon meeting him there wasn't that initial spark like people have sometimes. Since I was meeting him for the first time I was really nervous and uncomfortable. It was weird because eventhough I have been dating him for 3mo it was like I really didn't know him. He was instantly attracted to me and for me it took longer. I'm usually attracted to guys who are taller than me and he is about the same height and a little on the heavy side. I just feel horrible saying this because I feel shallow for his height and weight bothering me. I'm hesitant yes to break it off with him because I do not want to be alone yes but also I don't want to just write him off just because of his physical appearance. Ive gotten attached to him but I don't want to waste my time being desperate to stay with someone just because I'm lonely...
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Just because you're scared of being alone doesnt mean you end up with the person who you're not suited/meant/want to be with. Life is beautiful...and you're so young..you have all the time in the world to meet the right person. If there is a hitch anywhere, whether its physical attraction or compatibility or anything else, why should you start on a compromise? Call it off, enjoy your life, and the right guy will come when the time is right...dont worry...
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A
female
reader, cheannryl  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 I agree with ths women here,and you're not gonna be alone because each one has a perfect match.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 November 2010):
Physical appearance and attraction are very important to many people, including you. That's why most LDR's (that started from online contact) don't work. You're in love with a online representation of this guy. One he could have made as great and pretty as he wants. In real life people can't hide in a mass of bytes and that's usually when the disappointment settles in.
Computers aren't building blocks for a relationship. Pictues deceive and written messages hide speech inadequacies. How long does it take to write? 10 minutes or an hour? You can't know.
Don't let your fear of being alone cloud your judgment. Go out, join a club, meet people. Get a dog. Do a new sport. You won't be alone for long. Also, getting a bf doesn't solve all your problems, so don't be so desperate. You'll find someone when you're not trying so hard.
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A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (7 November 2010):
 3 months is not a long time especially if you have never met face to face before. Sure you love his online personality, but if your not attracted to him physically it is doubtful it will work out.
I would say be friends, tell him so and move on.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (7 November 2010):
Physical attraction is important in a relationship. It is true that you may become physically attracted to him in time, but with an LDR, that amount of time may be very long. Don't commit to anything if you are not physically attracted to him. Honestly, I have never dated anyone I wasn't physically attracted to. It is in our genetic makeup to want someone who is in our own level of physical attractiveness, so don't feel bad if you decide not to continue with this. You are doing what your genes tell you to do.
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A
female
reader, CandyKins +, writes (6 November 2010):
 it may be different seeing someone physically in real life compared to a photograph. Perhaps you're shocked and not used to his outlook. I think you should give it time first considering you like his personality and who he is. then you would accept him for what he looks like and it wouldn't be a concern anymore.
3 months is quite a while so also question yourself if it's really worth dumping him because you're not attracted to his appearance.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 November 2010):
Break it off, you're pretty much alone anyway in a LDR. That's also why you request a recent picture of who you're talking to. Yeah, looks aren't everything and they do change over time, but you have to have some initial physical attraction. Don't be with him because you have anxiety about being alone, he may be very into you and dragging this out will only hurt him in the long run.
Find guys in your area, get a puppy, hang out with your friends. You don't have to be alone, but you don't also need a man to make your life complete. Next time, request a photo of who you're talking to.
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