A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 33 year old male.(most people say i look 25). I am married for three years and she is 25. I have just gone back to uni. I recently started teaching a 19 year old woman karate privately. She is absolutely fantastic, and not your average student ( doesn't drink, plays an instrument, intelligent etc etc) She has an absolute heart of gold. But the sessions are quite intense, and their is body contact. I feel like I am very interested. I think she is too, but she has said that because I am with someone she is not looking for anything. But I feel a real connection, almost electrical. Unlike anything I've ever had. It is really ripping into me. I'm pretty sure its not just lust. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Some years ago, I took an adult gymnastic class. I was a backyard gymnast growing up, but never had a class. I was so impressed by the teacher, as he was a real gymnast (almost made the Olympic team when he was younger). I felt a 'high' taking the class, and being 'spotted' by this teacher. He was incredibly strong. I was excited by being an inch away from doing my first flip flop. I was single and he was single, but I wasn't interested in him. When he asked me out for a drink, it just felt awkward, and I didn't continue with the classes. This girl may be enjoying the karate, but I doubt she's interested in you on a personal level! Get over yourself!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): OK so you fancy the woman. Is that a reason to upset your existing partner?
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I've been in a situation similar to your student's, and was absolutely disgusted to find out someone I trusted and respected would ever consider crossing the line. Not only is it unprofessional, but also really creepy. The fact that you're married as well really adds to the creep factor. As her instructor, you're in a position of authority that requires certain boundaries to be respected. She seems to be fully aware of that, yet you're not.
This is nothing more than lust and possibly an early mid-life crisis, which is definitely not worth throwing away three years of marriage for. Limit contact with your student and include her in a class, rather than private lessons. Continuing as you are isn't going to help you overcome your attraction to her. If anything, it would only get worse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I'm pretty sure it IS lust! Been there, done that! :)
Look, if you love your wife and are happy in your marriage, stop giving these private lessons immediately.
If you're not happy in your marriage, seek out marital counselling to determine whether you should remain married.
You may want to try some therapy for yourself (I mean this seriously, not in a disrespectful way). You say you're going back to university-- could it be that you're having a bit of an early mid-life crisis? (being around all those young'uns could do it!) I'm just suggesting it because when I went back to campus in my forties, I had feelings of wanting to reconnect with my youth. Luckily those feelings passed!
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male
reader, A Doctor +, writes (1 December 2010):
Ethically you need to sever this now! You have a commitment to your spouse and you are in a position of power in this 19 y/o woman's life, not unlike a college professor or physician. If you have a shred of integrity you will end this immediately. Lastly, you are too old for her and if you pursue this the results might scar her for years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): You will be taking advantage of a young impressionable woman. At least she had the sense to say no. Think how you would feel if your wife threw your marriage away this easily. This girl is worth more to you then the last 3+ years spent with your wife? Best case scenario you've known her a semester? It's always easy to stray but the real men are the ones who make an effort to make things work. What do u see in this woman that your wife doesn't have. Time changes things and you need to find the electricity with your wife before you take a wrong step you won't be able to undo. Don't be a creep. Keep your fantasies as just that.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (30 November 2010):
Okay, first off: rarely do I meet anyone who actually lives up to the "I'm [insert age] but people tell me I look 8-10 years younger" deal. People tell you that to make you feel good, not because they mean it. In today's society being in your early thirties is thought of the definitive end of your youth and many people don't like to see it go.
Now, as for your student, it is very unprofessional of you to pursue her. Think of yourself at 19. That was a long time ago. Atleast she has the brains to draw the line at your relationship. The reason she's doing this might have more to do with her not sharing your feelings than respecting your relationship. Ever thought of that?
Also, what about your wife? Are you willing to divorce to pursue this girl? or are you secretly hoping to get the best of both sides? Playtime is over. This is serious stuff. And how can you be sure it's not lust when you talk about electrical connection etc.? Think it over well or you will do something you regret.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 November 2010):
 "...because you are with someone?"
You are a married man! I assume you took those vows seriously three years ago, no???
Electrical??? And yet you don't think it's lust? Real, long lasting relationships don't start out with electricity...or even fireworks. I'm pretty sure it IS lust! And that's pretty normal to be attracted to a beautiful young girl with many virtues. It is how you deal with those feelings that make the difference between good man and a, well....not so nice person!
What does your conscience tell you? What do you feel when you walk in the door and see your wife?
Obviously, you must have "hit" on her if she told you that because you are with someone, she is not looking for anything. Take a lesson from the girl!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): You are married. It isn't gonna happen.
If she were to indulge in an illicit relationship with you, she would lose all of the qualities you admire in her.
She seems to be a good person. She knows you are married, so whatever her feelings may be she is not about to go an insult a woman she has never met by stealing her husband away.
I'm sorry to say, but if you are even halfway serious about cheating in a relationship, then you have no business being in one.
You swore an oath to be romantically involved with your wife and your wife alone. You swore it in front of family, friends, religious leaders and the law. You signed a contract and everything.
If you were to breach a contract so severely elsewhere in life, you'd have the bejeesus sued out of you.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 November 2010):
 Bad news. I've been there, but I was single. Teaching a physical activity, especially one like karate is difficult enough. You add in something like this and the sexual tension can really eat at you.
Don't cheat on your wife. No matter what you're feeling, that is not the way to start a relationship with this girl. If you feel it is real, then you need to split from your wife first. Do things in the proper order.
I'd question this long and hard first.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): You are married. Hello? why get married if you were going to start looking for other women? split up with your wife and be a free man, don't hurt people. Dont be a creep
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