A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so this is kinda complicated. I am living with a guy i hate been seeing. we sleep in the same bed. have sex and we are not with other people but we don't label ourselves as bf gf because with labels comes expectations. this is an exclusive relationship though. the thing is that he came home really late last night and didn't even text me to let me know. because we are not labelled i am worried that i don't have the right to ask what he was doing. i don't even really need to know the what part because i trust him but i am bothered by the fact that he didn't let me know and when i text him because i was worried it seemed like i was bothering him. is asking him to at least text me that he will be home late too much or do i have the right to be a little upset.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Say those words then. "I worry when you don't come home. I would just like to know that you are ok." After my fiance knew that I was worried one night he didn't tell me he went to a friend's after work, he texts me every time he won't be home right away. Like you, I don't need to keep tabs, I just need to know he's safe. And, no, that's not too much to ask.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlet me clarify a little it is a committed relationship. we don't label each other as bf gf for the simple fact that we are taking it one day at a time. no expectations of getting married and so on. we have a clear understanding of neither of us being with other people. i am just not sure how to go about asking him for the courtesy of at least a text saying he will be late without coming off as possessive or like im trying to keep tabs on him. i have no problem with him going out because i trust him i just worry Alot and need to know if he is not home that its not because he is hurt or something
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (2 December 2010):
Maverick494 is right. I would either get out or ask for more. If you want to know what he was doing, or even that he will be doing something later into the evening, it sounds like you may want more.
Sex for women is way different for men. Women get attached emotionally whereas men just get off. They can control their emotions. There are actually chemicals in sperm that make women happy, which in turn will make your brain think he makes you happy.
But you do need to chose yes or no to a relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): If there is someone at your destination waiting for you who cares, then yes, you should let them know when you won't be there according to plan.
That applies to husband/wife, bf/gf, mother/child, student/teacher, coach/player, close housemates, and whatever arrangement you've got going.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Ditto what Maverick said. Your cool FWB relationship ain't all that cool anymore, is it? What it is is a recipe for emotional Armageddon. You clearly want more than what this "thing" is. What happens when he brings someone home (!!). Get out of this "arrangement" and save your sanity. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 December 2010):
Okay okay, let me get this straight:
This relationship is exclusive, BUT you both are so afraid of responsibilities that you have not labelled yourself as such? Is it just for the sex?
Really, this is a recipe for disaster. Living with someone means developing a bond one way or the other. This usually does not present a problem, but to make things complicated you sleep with the guy. And that's where feelings start to come in. Because secretly, most of us want sex to mean something more than just the act of doing it. Otherwise you might as well get paid for it.
Letting someone know what time you'll be home is part of that responsibility that is normal in a real relationship. Since you two have established that the only responsibility you have to eachother is sharing the home and having sex, you shouldn't feel upset. Because that fits with a real relationship. And that's not what this is, is it?
On top of that he seems alarmed that you care. Really, I would end this unfortunate arrangement before your feelings start to suffocate you. Things like this don't work. Period. One way or the other, feelings come into play.
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