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Boyfriend made me throw up from his comments

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 November 2010) 12 Answers - (Newest, 10 November 2010)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

After a comment my boyfriend made about my weight I started to throw up food after eating it I know I shouldn't I know it can cause a lot of health issues but if I don't do it ill sit their biting my nails feeling really anxious until I do it. I want to see help before it goes too far but what could a doctor do for me? I am 5'7 and weigh 140 pounds (10st) but becaus im slim its noticeable when I put on weight his comments made m feel hug and ugly.

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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (10 November 2010):

largentsgirl89 agony auntSee a doctor, Bulimia is not healthy. 5'7 and 140 pounds? You are not fat or ugly. I would kill for that kind of ratio. Tell him to jump. He shouldn't be making you feel that way about yourself.

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A female reader, sugarcandy United States +, writes (9 November 2010):

You need to get rid of this guy.

Someone who "loves" you should NEVER ever say anything so hurtful; he should love you for who you are.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-makes-fun-of-me-hurts-me-and.html

Did you post this yesterday? Because if you did it says you used to be anorexic and his comments may have triggered another eating disorder. Firstly think about distancing yourself from your boyfriend for a while because his put downs are just going to make you worse. Second, go and see your GP, they can give you the help you need. I urge you to do this, you've already battled one eating disorder don't get dragged back down again.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (9 November 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhy would you NOT go to the doctor? You've admitted starting something that ultimately could really harm your body and you feel anxious about it if you don't do it. These two things are enough to tell me that you need more help than you can give yourself. If you haven't been able to stop on your own, knowing the risks, AND you are feeling anxious about it, then you HAVE to get help.

Go see your GP and get the treatment you need before this develops into something you cannot undo. Your boyfriend may be an insensitive clod but he is not forcing you to throw up, that is your own pathology causing you to do this. You know full well you are smack in the middle of the 'healthy weight' calculator, and so thinking that you are huge or fat is in your head, not a reality. It is distorted thinking, a distorted body image. I am putting this very plainly so there is no mistaking my meaning.

Empower yourself BEYOND vomiting on command; empower yourself right to the doctor's office and GET HEALTHY! Start today. I have a link for you to read as you are on hold waiting to make that doctor's appointment, or tonight before you make the call tomorrow. The NHS has some good resources here for people. Make use of them.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Bulimia/Pages/Introduction.aspx

It's very tempting for those of us who do not suffer from bulemia to say 'stop doing that', but obviously, if it were so easy you would have stopped already. Because you know it is a problem, the sensible thing to do is to deal with it, and to deal with it, you need professional medical help. Good luck to you.

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A female reader, SillyB United States +, writes (9 November 2010):

SillyB agony auntHow about rather than being so silly to throw up, you actually deal with your body the healthier (although harder) way and workout!!

Throwing up won't make you lean and tight. In fact, chances are your body will go into starvation mode and gain weight. Go to the gym to get the body you want.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your comments. What he said wasnt meant to be constructive criticism it was meant to be hurtful... just to let you know.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (9 November 2010):

@Cerberus: fair enough. You are right that many girls are already dealing with body issues and a seemingly harmless comment can send them over the edge.

I guess I was still worked up about this other question where a guy kept telling his gf that she was fat and lazy while she was actually normal.

@OP, can you tell us what brought this on? Was it a random comment or not?

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A male reader, bjo84 United States +, writes (9 November 2010):

Ditch this guy. You may not want to hear this but that is so cruel it disgusts me. I have a sister who has battled image issues and eating disorders for 10 years and I keep this issue close to my chest. 5'7 and 140 lbs? That's not big at all! Not only that but weight is not as significant as body fat. I have friends(females) that are of similar height to you yet even heavier because they are bigger boned and carry more muscle than other girls. You want to know what? That's downright awesome. Muscle is a good thing! In fact, so is fat. Especially for a female. Your body fat should range anywhere between the 17 and 30ish percent. It's true, look it up. Eat your greens, get your vitamins, avoid processed foods, stay active and you will be wonderful.

Soceity creates these sort of images that are unrealstic. The main thing you should be concerned about is your health, both mental and physical. If you feel that you have image issues than you maybe you should see a counselor or therapist about it. It's something a lot of people go through, for various reasons, so don't dare feel ashamed either.

Clearly your boyfriend is insensitive and immature. Again, you're probably emotionally attached to him and you may not want to hear that but you do not deserve to be treated in that way.

Stay solid.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

maverick494 I think you're jumping the gun a little in your first sentence. We have no idea what he said, it might have been nothing. I've dated girls with body image issues and frankly there's no escaping saying the wrong thing because you get constantly pestered by them for your opinion on their weight as they're obsessed with it and won't let it go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

A doctor can do a lot, you need to go talk to them before this gets out of hand. I know a lot of people that are very sensitive about their weight but it really isn't worth your health.

Healthy is beautiful no matter how much you weigh. Go to your doctor they will be able to refer you to somewhere that specializes in dealing with people that have body image issues.

Please don't waste anymore time sorting this out, bulimia gets progressively worse very quickly. I'm sure you know what will happen but seriously, does it really matter how thin you are if your hair is falling out, your nails become brittle, your teeth start rotting from the stomach acid, you get dark circles under your eyes, lose your menstrual cycle with a chance of becoming permanently infertile and above all do permanent damage to your internal organs including increasing the risk of heart disease.

Nothing good comes from what you're doing, there's only two ways it will go, either you don't stop and you die or you start eating normally again and your metabolism is destroyed so you end up being far bigger than you were when you started.

It's just not worth it. Go to your doctor, they'll sort everything out, including helping you to start a proper diet and exercise regime if you really have extra weight that you need to get rid of. Most likely you don't and in this case you may need counseling.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (9 November 2010):

Also to answer your question about what a doctor could do: he or she can put you into contact with specialists that can help you get back on track again. BUT you'll have to be specific about your problem! Tell him you have bulimic behaviour and want to put an end to it before it turns into full blown bulimia. He or she will know where to go from there.

Good luck and keep me updated!

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (9 November 2010):

He's an idiot for putting you down like that. Dump him and find a guy who will love you for who you are because there's nothing wrong with your weight!

Secondly, throwing up will not help you lose weight. Your body absorbs nutrients really fast, which is why most bulimics don't get thin at all. But they DO get rotten teeth.

I don't think you have a clue what you're doing here. So let me tell you what will happen. Because you throw up, your stomach will feel empty and your brain will signal for more food. This means you get hungry again and want to eat. Which you will do eventually and then you will throw up again.

After a while your eating pattern gets screwed up by this, causing you to binge. And then you'll throw up again. This is really dangerous, because you could actually rupture your stomach this way, which will then be the cause of your death. There are pictures on the net of a poor girls who this happened to and let me tell you, it's far from pretty.

So stop this nonsense before it becomes a real problem! Judging from your post you have realized that this is bad, so take the next step and stop doing it! If you want to lose a couple of pounds, contact a dietician for good, effective advice.

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