A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll be 20 years old in a a few months and I'm having a hard time being ok with being a virgin. I've also never had a boyfriend. I had my first kiss last year. It took forever because I would always reject guys thinking my first kiss was gonna be perfect. One day I got frustrated and decided it was time. The kiss was awkward but ever since I've been more confident about kissing and the guys I've been with have been great. Now sex is a different story. Im embarrased in telling a guy I'm a virgin, even a guy I like. All the guys I've been out with have plenty of experience being in college, it's almost the norm. So when the subject is brought up I freak out.I talk about sex often and have no problem discussing it with people but once the guy I'm interested in asks me how many guys I've been with I panic. Most people think I'm not a virgin, which is a problem cause guys just assume I'm not. I'm afraid to tell guys and I feel intimidated. How do I just get over it and tell the guy I'm dating that I'm a virgin? Is it even normal that Im ashamed of being one?It's not a cofidence issue, I get asked out frequently so it's not lack of guys. It's me, being scared of telling a guy, not intercourse. Should I just get some experience under the belt like if happened with my first kiss with a random guy I won't care what thinks about me? I'm so confused.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): I lost my virginity at 19. My wife lost hers (not to me) at 20. I had a girlfriend in college who also lost hers (not to me) at 19 and another one who list it (not to me) at 19. In short, there are a lot more virgins out there at that age than the media might have you believe. People lie. As you said, people just assume you are not a virgin. Likely, you are assuming that people are not virgins when some of them still are. I used to lie about being a virgin, too. No one college-aged wants to admit that. It's no one's business except your partner. Tell him when you get to close to the point where you think you want that intimacy and not before. My wife lost hers to a random guy in Europe and I think that was a bad idea. There's nothing special about that and although I love her I think it was rather cheap of her to give it away like that. Don't do that. Do it with someone who cares about you.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 May 2011):
I was 22 when I lost my virginity and I'm happy I lost it when I was ready. You are not alone, you know. Brooke Shields said she lost hers at 22 and we all know what a knockout she was at that age (and still is, btw). Supermodel Adriana Lima was still a virgin at 26. There are more examples out there.
And with all the questions from guys who can't handle their girlfriends' promiscuous pasts (retroactive jealousy, look it up here, it's a real eye-opener) I daresay you are at an advantage. I never kept my virginity hidden. I didn't treat it as something to be ashamed of either. I remember one of my classmates at school who was one year younger telling me she was still a virgin, like it was her dirty little secret. When I told her I was too she lightened up immediately.
Don't mirror yourself to other people. Everyone tries to have their own style, their own hairdo, etc. yet when it comes to sex we all want to be apart of the same herd. Stand above that crap and have sex when YOU feel comfortable with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): HiBe proud and never ashamed, you have nothing to prove to anybody. You have chosen to hold onto your virginity and have no need to lose it just for the sake of losing it....I would hold out for when you feel ready and feel natural with a man you have feelings for. You don't need experience in sex just a passion, it would'nt be good for you to have memories that were cold and empty. Virginity can be cold but so is random meaningless sex... follow your heart and do what feels right for you and in your own time and for the right reasons.If you drop the LABEL of virginity ,you may not feel this pressure. Why not just enjoy the kissing game for now and getting to know young men, then you will gather good experience and be able to sieve out the losers, without you losing just for the sake of a LABEL. FACT: when you do finally lose your virginity ..beware because you will too become the 'experienced' but that is simply called LIFE, and it's for living.Just be you and be happy...Good luck :)Spunky Monkey.
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A
male
reader, zcgby678  +, writes (13 May 2011):
Wow you are a precious commodity. Believe me losing virginity randomly is not all that it is cracked up to be. You should be proud that you have had the will power to last this long NOT ashamed. Why ashamed? when most guys would die for a virgin. It is true some guys like a freak in bed, kinda like a whore for temporary use and fun. But no guy in his right mind will take an 'experienced' woman for life if he could avoid...fact!Did you remain virgin by choice? Some of my high school friends had no choice coz either they were ugly, fat or too timid. Whatever your case, count ur lucky stars and don't let some sleazy smooth talker like me rob you off your precious commodity.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I'm turning 20 in july and I am still a virgin. I had my first kiss about a year ago. My first kiss happened randomly with someone I barely knew, but I know if I were to give my virginity away to anyone so freely, it would haunt me for a long time.It's nothing to be ashamed about. It makes me laugh when people ask and they don't believe me when I tell them. It's not that I haven't had the chance either, I just chose not to date around when I was younger and am waiting for the right person.Do what feels right to you, but please don't have sex just for the sake of getting it over with. By posting your question on here, you've already shown that you're not 100% comfortable with that. Also be weary, as being a virgin in college, you might be seen as a trophy to attain by young guys.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): I lived 24 years in the US and regret holding out. Yes, I regret. How many 25 year old virgins grow on trees over there? I handled business and it was random Ill just say. My advice is this: If you feel its your time to do it and youre ready physically and most important mentally, then just do it by any means. Luckily for you you have no problem getting attention from men so your situation should be maybe easier than mine if you decide the "random" route. Sex is so casual in the US and one of those things where in life sure its okay to be a different person overall and not be like everyone else, but because sex is a natural thing, dont be scared to just get it done with so you feel like youre with the the rest of the group and not weird or frowned upon. I gained confidence after my first time especially since id been thru relationships and all to finally have done it it was more like a relief mentally rather than a physical release. Best on this doll. Do as you wish and feel confident with your decision. Get counseling if needed it can sure help. It did for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): You are almost 20 and a virgin? That is a fantastic thing. You have absolutley nothing to be ashamed of. I am a guy; I was a virgin at 20. I was a virgin by choice; same it has nothing to do with my confidence in myself. I have had many relationships; many have broached the subject of sex to which I told them how I felt about it. To me I wanted to wait til I knew for sure I was in love before I had sex. Some of these relationships ended because of that fact they did not want to wait and have had or really wanted to have sex. Not saying the first person I have had sex with will be someone I love for the rest of my life thugh I still hope so, but it is important that it be something more. Because looking back on your life; if you've had many partners; the one you will remember for sure is your first. As I've said you have nothing to be ashamed about; it is a great thing. Many people both men and women rush into sex at an early age and for some reason that has become the norm. And in many cases when asked about it; they say they wish they would have waited. When you are with a guy you care about and you believe cares about you; be open to descussion. Be honest and say that you are virgin. There's nothing wrong with it. And if the guy is experienced; it does not matter he as a person should understand how you feel and be okay with it. Otherwise he is not worth your time. I'd say most would respect you for waiting. These days it is too uncommon and many hold that regret.
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