A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im trying to stay away from my ex. im still completely in love with him but he smokes crack. i justy dont want that kind of lifestyle. im stupidly hoping he will quit and we can have our happily ever after. im scared im going to let him go and then hes going to get clean and be with someone else. i dont wanna miss the chance of being with the love of my life when hes sober. how do i know when enough is enough?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): You are in a difficult emotional situation. Yes, there is a possiblity that once he gets clean, he just might go off and find someone else since you broke it off with him---or if he really believes you are "the one" he will try to come back to you. You did the right thing by distancing yourself and I applaud you because, I know from exp. it is not easy leaving someone you are totally and madly in love with...that's the hardest part in addition to getting over the feelings you have for that individual. In addition, it's not wise to stay emotionally connect in a romantic sense to a guy who is addicted to drugs---believe me, it won't get better and even if he does profess his love for you, he will love the drug even more. It's just not a good situation to be in honey and you must not focus on whether or not he will find someone else, you should be more worried about him getting off drugs and staying off drugs---that's far more important than him being in the arms of another woman.
A
female
reader, belize  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 You can't make him stop taking drugs. Crack is highly addictive. People who take drugs are very selfish and loose all sense of reality.
He may love you in his induce drugs state, but once is down from is high he will love the drugs more and go looking for it to get high again.
I have seen close up how drugs destroys people's and take away their self respect and dignity. Usually its people around them who suffer the most. Some times in order for you to understand them you could end up becoming an addict yourself, just to please him and live in his 'world'.
You should tell him to get help with is addiction, which in the long run if he doesn't get help will eventually destroy him.
The best course of action is to step away from this very destructive relationship and move and in your with life try it and put behind.
This relationship is going nowhere!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 May 2011):
Look, the truth is that most of the time, people addicted to drugs stay addicted to drugs. He couldn't get sober when he was with you, so why would he get sober when he's single? If any, it'll give him less motivation to do so because noone is telling him to stop anymore.
I'd like to think that "the love of your life" is supposed to be someone who picks you over a substance. You certainly deserve better.
Maybe I can illustrate this:
My uncle is an alcoholic. Drank methylated spirit from the bottle. He started his day with alcohol, ended it with alcohol. Hurt every woman he ever got involved with, because he wouldn't quit. He told so many lies noone really knew who he was anymore. It took him getting close to dying and getting homeless for him to clean up. That was 25 years after he got addicted. He is now married, has a job and is living a good life, but he told me he will always be an alcoholic. Just one that chooses not to drink a drop. But it took him 25 years to get to that point and for the rest of us it was watching a trainwreck unfold. His wife hasn't seen that part of him, just knows about it. There's a big difference. She hasn't been hurt by his actions and his sober mind wants to keep it that way.
Your bf is in the addiction phase where he doesn't think he has a problem. It's going to take a lot for him to quit. Right now, he's not the man he's supposed to be and many addicts never do. My uncle's story had a happy ending, but only because the medics were able to bring him back. If they hadn't he'd just be another case of the many addicts who tragically cause their own demise.
Spare yourself the grief at this age and let him go. When you still love someone, that's hard, maybe even one of the most difficult things. But it's for the better. Don't stick by him and find yourself wondering 10 years later why you didn't turn around to find someone else.
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