A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend had a major crush on a client of hers. I found out about it and confronted her. She says that she does think he is attractive, but she is over it now - especially after seeing how it hurt me so much. He is very important to her business. Therefore, I cannot ask her to never see him alone and thus I am not sure what sort of boundaries can be set. I certainly don't like her meeting with him or, really, even interacting with him in any way, but that's not realistic. How do I know that she's telling the truth and is really over him? Or that, if she is over him, those feelings won't return? I am very insecure about all of this. I want to trust her again, but right now I just don't. Will all this just pass in time or do we need to take some sort of action like relationship counseling?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I would avoid the heavy speeches for now and just get some space into the relationship by taking a step back, having a look at what it was she liked about him then looking at your own charming qualities. Attraction is seldom about physical attraction as such even if someone is hot if they don't have any charm well it's not that attractive.
Make a real effort to go out on a few dates and stir some extra life into the dates - I'm not saying you don't already have a great time but make a special effort.
I'm sure she will forget about him completely especially when she has such nice things to look foward to with you.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 June 2011):
Oh, one more thing: you will never know if she is telling the truth. If a person wants to cheat they cheat. Your behavior plays a big part in whether she will or not. Being the jealous, restrictive boyfriend will give her a reason to betray you. Putting trust in her will make cheating even more unjustifiable than it already is.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 June 2011):
I would bite the bullet. Tell her that the only way this relationship is going to work is for you both to be honest with each other and trust each other. Then tell her that you believe her when she says she's over him and that you're going to trust her to keep her interactions with him strictly professional because you love her. But make sure she knows how much this is costing you. "If I had it my way, you'd never see that guy again. But I know that's not realistic. So I'm going to put my faith in you and expect you to live up to it."
This way, the ball is in her court. By putting faith in her she is suddenly faced with responsibility. She cannot hide behind any bad attitude from you because you're gracious about this and showing that you want to give her a chance to prove herself. That's the best incentive. If what you two have is worth anything to her, she will work to get your trust back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Hi,
I can empathise with you here because I can imagine the turmoil this will be causing you.
But I wouldnt fall into the trap of making this into a big crack in your relationship.
The best thing is to turn a blind eye to it and trust until evidence is provided that breaks trust.
Dont try to prevent things happening. this will only work against you.
Trust me on this
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Does either one of you have a history of cheating?
Has she ever ACTED on her feelings to her crush?
Do you trust her?
Unless she has a history of cheating in her past, you are being paranoid. Is this worth getting counseling over? No, because there is not a problem unless you make it one.
She is going to be attracted to other people if she is a normal woman. ACTING on those feelings is a different ballgame.
If her feelings and devotion are strong for you..Relax! She picked you! Do not make her regret it with your worry.
Best Wishes.
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