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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend that constantly brags about how "advanced" his daughter is. It's incredibly annoying, and not even true. I find her very unfriendly and she doesn't even say a word to me at all. Why do people do this? What can I say, so I don't have to listen to another whole spiel about how wonderful and advanced her child is, to her? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (4 June 2011):
Oh that's even more annoying. A while ago I got to sit next one of these characters in a train and he asked me what I did (study) only so he could 'trump me' by gushing about his daughter's even better study. Or he asked me what sport I did and he would tell me she was an advanced swimmer who had once the prospect of becoming an olympian. It went on and on.
Well, I got tired of that soon so I asked him. "All I hear about is your daughter. But what about you? Don't you get tired talking about accomplishments that are not your own?"
Maybe telling your friend this would be too harsh, but I daresay it wouldn't be out of line to tell him something like it. Or modify my earlier reply into:
"I get your happy your daughter is doing really well. I understand how special she is to you. But I wish we could talk about other things once in a while because you're more than your child."
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe daughter isn't a baby by the way. She is turning 18 soon. I don't think I could frank with him, it wouldn't end well for me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): There are a few reasons.(1) Young kids are all-consuming. Seriously, there's precious little time to do anything beyond the kids. So there's almost nothing else to talk about -- especially if you want to talk movies or sports or political happenings.On the flip side of this, adult grown-up conversation is so rare that it is very welcome.So typically, you have to listen to maybe five minutes about our kids, and then we'll listen forever about your stories from the Planet NoKids.(2) Overcompensation. Parents living through their kids. Ugly. These are the people who buy Baby Einstein, keep all of their kids drawings, and shout to their kids from the sidelines.If they are an acquantance then all you can really do is to divert the behaviour. "Since to hear your kids are healthy, what else have you bee doing?"If they are a close friend then it is trickier, because you want to help them. "When we meet you seem to talk only about your children. I'm worried you are losing yourself and living through your kids".(3) Lack of conversational skills. if you talk about what is on your mind then this works in early life. But if you have some all-consuming activity, well that strategy leads to boring conversation really quickly.
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reader, EccentricOrbit  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Lets be honest, to a mother or father, their child is the most prettiest, handsome, intelligent child of them all. No other child can compete with their greatness. I think it's a part of being a parent - not necessarily lying about their child but rather, over-exaggerating the truth just a wee bit :) Because in their eyes, they are. They've created a life and nurtured it and it's part of them. They're going to brag and do all that hoopla because it comes with the territory.I'd suggest if they bring up their child, change the subject. It really depends on how solid your friendship is and if you want to keep it for you to come out and admit you don't think their child is as amazing as they make out. If they don't get the hint, just try and ease them into the fact that you don't want to talk about their child. Suggest an evening with other friends where there is a strict 'no talking about children or partners' policy. If they don't get the hint after THAT, too, then come outright and tell them. "I think it's amazing how dedicated you are to your child, but at the same time, don't you think adults just need time to be people, rather than parents?" Or something along the lines of that.
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reader, Basschick +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Depends on how good a friend he is with you. Could you have a frank discussion with him and tell him that you feel he's going overboard, and that his daughter is getting an ego an acting like a snob? Or would that make things worse? Maybe you could write him an annonymous letter and spell it out. It might be a turning point with both of them. I think he's creating a monster. Maybe if he hears it from someone who is unknown, he will receive the words more easily. Just be careful about how you phrase the wording, you don't want him to trace it back to you because you use a special catch phrase that you accidentally put into the lingo of the letter. If you don't feel comfortable with that, maybe it's time to detach from them a bit. There are other friends, right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): I know exactly where you are coming from because I work with a woman who is the same about her son. This son is apparently an undiscovered da Vinci, but I have seen the pictures and they are s@#t! I have put up with listening to how clever he is, how wonderful etc etc but when I have met him he is just a normal kid. I think maverick494 gives very good advice especailly about pointing out that she is an individual too not just an appendage of the child. I have taken to walking off as soon as the child subject is mentioned! I have a son too but I never talk about him like this. I really would start doing something somewhere else in the office and get up and rush off as soon as it starts because it is annoying and dull and they normally won't stop.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 May 2011):
Look, babies are to mothers what shiny new toys are for kids. They marvell at this new wonder that they have, even though statistically it's nothing special: a child gets born every second. Every loving mother wants to feel good about their child. Especially because said child has their genetic makeup. So this is what happens: they bore their friends with albums full of pictures of their little miracle, they talk about them like their kid is einstein reborn, even though it's impossible to tell at a young age and it shouldn't even matter. After a while the urge to tell everyone how happy he is with his kid will wear off.
Change the subject whenever he starts talking about his kid. He should get the hint after a while. If he doesn't, and just keeps going, be honest with him.
"Look, I get you're happy that your son/daughter is healthy and developing well. I know how special she/he is to you. But I wish we would be able to talk about other things once in a while, because you are more than your kid."
That should get the job done.
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