A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Guys from the United States as well as other countries, can you please opine on this?I am not putting down my country or my compatriates but sometimes I wish I weren't American! Sometimes it feels like a real cross to bear.I would LIKE to have a boyfriend and think I would make a great girlfriend, but as an American, I feel like my chances are really slim! I am an American, but I think Mexican guys are absolutely amazing. One of my best friends is a guy from Mexico that I met on this forum and he says it's totally possible, and I trust him, but I sometimes feel discouraged because POSSIBLE and likely are so different!I live in Mexico right now and Mexican guys really ARE amazing, like I said, but they seem to prefer women from their own culture. Even American guys seem to prefer non-American women. If you look at sites like: www.nomarriage.comIs this crap? Or do most guys feel this way?I mean, there are fat, slutty and ugly women in EVERY country. But American women are always demonized and other women are represented as ideal. If you don't like American women fine but I hate being slandered and stereotyped, as it's not my fault that I was born in USA (blame my ancestors for leaving Ireland/Spain, why anyone in their right mind would do that I don't know, but I'm paying for it:( ). I feel like a lot of doors are closed to me as an American.I'm 32 and I've never experienced sex with a guy. I would LIKE to but here is my dilemna. I want it to be with someone who really loves and cares about me as a serious girlfriend or wife (I would like to wait until marriage but I'm not sure. At least until I have a serious bf or I'm practically engaged). So many people think that I wouldn't be a suitable girlfriend because I'm American... but loads of guys want to have sex with me! I feel like my choice is, be a virgin forever or sleep with someone who just wants to have sex! I would like to have a boyfriend who takes me seriously as a girlfriend, but as an American I feel that door is all but closed to me.I'm from the Southern US, I have mostly Irish (?? I think) ancestry as well as British and European Spanish ancestry. I'm a little taller than the average person here, and I have red hair and brown eyes. So, guys- from countries all over the world- would you ever consider a US woman as a girlfriend or wife?No, I am NOT trying to hook up on DC. I just want to know the answers to my questions! Thanks for your advice and opinions!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 I don't think it is because you are American, that in itself is just your nationality (if you identify as an American that is). However, culture is often linked to nationality... and stereotypes, however banal, are rooted in some general conceptions.
This is all just a general idea people have of the Americans though. Of course it does not mean all Americans are like this, but even so you have some reputation to fight and prove wrong! If you fit well into the Mexican culture, and don't bring up topics that you know are controversial (like WW2) then perhaps you got what it takes to land a guy from a different culture.
If it helps you any I will say that it is difficult for all people to date someone of another culture. The cultural language, and body language, is completely different, not just the actual language. Learning all the in's and out's might be what you need to do. Back in Norway I got approached by men and could flirt and have flings, but when I moved to Russia for a while I could not flirt at all! I tried... but to no luck. I dressed completely wrong, did my hair wrong, did my nails wrong, didn't have the right body language, didn't dress right.. just everything! It was a cultural crash, that's all. The men from Norway that I met in Russia I could flirt perfectly well with.. but Russian men, no such luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): Yeah abella. Try to get decent take out chinese in china or a decent cigar in Cuba
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): OP just know that I'm only one person in 6 billion, if you meet some guys like me then you just keep walking but there is no way in hell all Mexican guys would be adverse to dating an American girl, just because you're American. In fact lots of them would love that.
Be proud of who you are and where you come from, you may not have chosen that but it has made you who you are today, if some people don't like that, that's their problem not yours and most people won't care where you come from just what you're like as a person. Don't let one picky Irish stranger on the internet let you think this is a common view, it's not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): OP you asked a question, I gave you my answer as to why I wouldn't date another American girl.
I wasn't making a value judgement on all American women and I definitely wasn't implying you were prejudiced. I was just telling you that I wouldn't and why. I'm just not compatible with them, it's as simple as that.
"ALL American girls are racist towards Mexicans?
Like myself, Cerberus? I went to college in Mexico, I've taught school here and... WHY did I write this post again?"
Exactly my point OP, I didn't say you were any of these things, yet you still managed to find offence in what I said under an assumption. That is exactly the attitude I couldn't get over with them. I couldn't criticize anything about America or even criticize an American without them personalizing it, if I say one bad thing about any American it becomes an insult to ALL Americans including them. I'm not racist towards Americans I have fond memories of most of them, most of the people on this site are American and they're lovely people, intelligent, thoughtful, helpful, compassionate, loving people that I like, but it was that oversensitivity to any kind of criticism of America or anything American that leads me to believe that me and American girls are incompatible. Not that there is something inherently wrong or bad about them or being like that, just my personality and beliefs don't match theirs and I just wouldn't be willing to go there again. No loss to me, and no loss to them. No big deal really.
It's not a race issue, I wouldn't be compatible with lots of different women for lots of different reasons. Devoutly religious women, anti-porn women, women that believe in no sex before marriage, women who are still too close to their exes, depressed women, women with a history of promiscuity, drug addictions, self harm, domestic violence victims, extreme feminists, American women, Arabic women, Eastern European women, women who have sex on the first date, needy women, lonely women, women who are looking for a guy as a solution to all their problems, women with fake boobs, women who wear too much makeup, women who play games, the list goes on and on.
It's not a value judgement on those women at all, and yeah I may be picky but it works for me and it's just through my years of dating all these different kind of women I have learned to refine my dating pool into one that is safest and gives me the greatest chance of success and happiness. It's nothing personal and it's not exactly like it's a loss to those women anyway because in the grand scheme of things I'm not even a raindrop in the ocean.
I'm just a guy who through years of trying has found out what just doesn't work for me. I don't have anything at all against Americans nor American women, I just won't date them again. No big deal.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Then I guess you'll just have to be patient, stay positive .. and be yourself. Don't shove your Americanity down people's throat like those girls whom Cerberus mentioned, but don't feel embarassed or apologetic about your ethnicity / nationality. First, it's not your fault, you could not choose ; second, there is nothing less attractive than people who do not feel at ease into their skin, you know like that people that always thinks " Oh Gosh if only I were younger / slimmer / richer etc.etc.etc ". When you don't accept what you are, it sends out negative vibes.
Maybe it's true, that many people tend to stereotype others , so there will be men who think : Ay, no me gusta : Gringa Americana, she must be overbearing, promiscuous , rude etc.
But, probably those are not the guys that you'd like. Too prejudiced.
I think an intelligent guy could only appreciate a foreigner like you , who shows so much love and enthusiasm for his culture and is willing to embrace it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): I certainly don't think a particular nationality makes a person superior or more deserving. People have free will, and your choices determine that. But, I resent being judged... it isn't my fault that I was born in USA! We don't pick out our nationality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): Especially after hearing how racist they were towards Muslims and Mexicans, they found it completely normal and acceptable to absolutely them.
ALL American girls are racist towards Mexicans?
Like myself, Cerberus? I went to college in Mexico, I've taught school here and... WHY did I write this post again?
Saludos de la
OP
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): Cindy, I really appreciate your answer... but one of the amazing things about Mexican culture is the passion and there are so many special things we have here in Mexico that I missed when I returned to USA.
I feel like a Mexican American guy is going to identify more with US culture and there's nothing wrong with American guys but they just don't interest me. Almost all Americans have ancestors from elsewhere, but unfortunately what happens in most cases is people immigrate to the US and lose their culture and traditions. I visited California but didn't like it, and I had a really rough time readjusting after I lived in Mexico for a year and then returned to the States. I would be happy to live in Cuernavaca (Mexico) or somewhere similar for good, except for missing my family and pets. US culture just isn't the way for me...
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 May 2011):
 And OP it is really good that you have chosen to do some travelling and see some things. My cousins in two different states came back changed women after living a year (husband's work reasons) in one northern hemisphere country in Europe for one year and one Southern Hemisphere country for two years. Now they both want to travel more. The world is not like 'Amazing Race' there is far more richness and beauty out there. Then when you do come home you'll appreciate the best parts of both your own country and the other countries. Whereas my cousin in another state will not budge from her narrow view of the world and I have to watch my Ps and Qs with her.
Travelling opens up wonderful new worlds. Just don't fall for a guy who just wants an easy way (through marriage) to get a Visa into USA. This can also be a problem for girls in the UK too, where guys are all 'hearts and flowers' to get into the country via marriage to a girl from the country, only to abandon her once he reaches the target country.
My husband says I am too cynical sometimes, but it never hurts to keep one's eyes open and be alert to people who are only nice to use us.
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reader, Abella +, writes (22 May 2011):
I never like stereotypes. Because I cannot think of one country that does not have people who are all these things:
good or bad. Happy or sad. Arrogant or humble. Liars or truth tellers. Racist or not. Xenophobic or not. Kind or not. Uncaring or caring. There are people all over the world who are radical or moderate or conservative. Some left wing, some right wing.
I would rather focus on the best bits in all cultures.
The world is constantly changing. Over the centuries who is the most powerful country has changed. And it can again.
Remember the Egyption Pharoahs? Gone. Once it was the Roman Empire, demolished by invaders.
Once it was Portugal. Another time it was the time of Ghengis Khan. Once it was France. The Aztecs were great once. The British once owned and controlled so much. Greece would argue it is still great, but their currency problems say otherwise.
No one country and it's people can ever be so blind as to think it cannot happen again. That another more dominant country and an entirely different culture cannnot rise to greater power.
But WHEN the country in power does have the most political and economic power, then the jackals will come out to snap
Rome was ruined by debauchery and a smug complacent attitude by those in power that just bread and circus attractions would be enough to distract the people.
But it is very unjust and racist to just label a people as a whole and claiming that they are all tarred with the same brush.
There are fine good people in all cultures and all countries.
Some cultures have some fine traditions, while some aspects of the other culture can offend or cause us to question why?
And there are some people who are not good in every corner of the .
When we open our minds and hearts to others we will see the truth that people are good or bad wherever we go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): Oh I completely agree with you CindyCares.
Just pointing out my view on why I won't date American girls again. I have nothing against Americans nor do I even think they're all like that.
Just pretty much all the ones I've met were.
Americans are lovely people, and pretty much all of them were really nice people. Even those girls were, they were actually nice people, they just had these traits, the way they viewed things and saw the world was just impossible to see past and all 3 of them played the exact same kind of games.
They were 3 different girls from different states I met at different stages of my life and they all had a certain way of approaching relationships that was filled with games, manipulation and non-stop power plays. Their first reaction to anything was to find a way of non verbally making me do what they wanted, instead of just asking or saying it. All 3 had major superiority complexes and that revolved around them being American, always talking about how much better America is, how everything about America is superior, and if I never hear the word "freedom" again my life I'll be a happy man.
It's just they're too culturally different I suppose, nothing wrong with that but I definitely won't be going near an American girl again. Especially after hearing how racist they were towards Muslims and Mexicans, they found it completely normal and acceptable to absolutely them.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (21 May 2011):
I have to say that on a whole, I do think many american girls seem shallow and dare I say, stupid on first impression. American culture has made them come across that way, with all the "like" "y'know" and other filler words that constantly litter their speech. Also, many Americans overreact compared to what's considered to be normal in other countries. For example, when someone gets a big present the Dutch girl says "thank you" while the American girl says "OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH EEEEEK!" Everything is exaggerated (to my eyes).All that said, Americans have a lot of hospitality. My friends travelled 10 hours by car to see me for the weekend. Where I come from, 2 hours in a car is viewed as a long drive. 10 hours is considered to be insane. Americans make you feel like a queen in the supermarket, with all the "how are you" and packing your bags for you. I really had to get used to that when I came to the US for the first time. To us foreigners, Americans are a bit strange. Our image of the American is that of someone who brags, pats themselves on the back, is quick to judge and is nice and generous in an almost overdone way. It's a stereotype, but like all stereotypes, there is some truth to it.On the other hand, I seem quite cold and direct to the average American. It all depends on the point of reference. As for sex, don't think that's the culture. People everywhere are in for one-night-stands and that isn't bound to nationality or culture. Everywhere in the world you'll find men who will want to have you for sex but nothing more. So don't pin it on nationality. Just let go of all that and find someone you like, regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality, etc. Short-sighted people are never worth your time, regardless of their nationality.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 May 2011):
@Cerberus : I don't mean to turn this into a political debate, but I'd like to suggest that perhaps the 3 idiots you've met weren't idot because they were Americans, but just because they were idiots. Some things you mention are typical of various segments of our Western, industrialized, consume oriented culture. Come and visit Italy, you'll see that 75% of people feels the same way about Muslims, immigrants, and underprivileged classes, and the general role of money and power. And we don't even have the excuse of being, or having been, the most rich and powerful country in the world ! As for violence and lack of empathy - no country has a copyright on that. I spent 6 months in Dublin many years ago, in a very Catholic, very working class, ( they would have been IF there had been any work to be had, like the joke in "The Committments " movie says ) very IRA friendly neighborhood in Dublin. Everybody hated Protestants, and every thing English, they hated them with a vengeance. The people I knew , they had organized a block party and cheered in the streets when Lord Mountbatten was assassinated- how's that different ?America is a huge country, with a very diverse, very multi-faceted population. Sure, some "buy" certain values more than others. Like in the rest of the world.I'd say : look for what unites, not for what divides...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): Sorry, and you call me racist all you want but I wouldn't date an American girl again.
I honestly have no time for American girls at all. I dated one who was turned off by the fact that I wasn't circumcised, was visibly disappointed and made me feel like she was only begrudgingly with me because there was no one else around.
The other two I dated were extremist, over emotional, super-patriotic idiots. One was republican, yeah she actually defined herself as a person based on her political beliefs which is just weird and stupid. It was like dating Sarah Palin, she hated Muslims with a passion, just like America does, thought it was okay to celebrate the deaths of Iraqi civilians in American bombings etc and her answer to everything she didn't like is "we Americans are the best in the world we should nuke everyone else"
The other girl was the same, she just had no idea of how the world worked at all, every opinion she had was all based on the idea that American's are better than everyone, she got teary eyed when saw the American flag or heard the national anthem etc. Any criticism of America in any way and she blew up and it turned into an argument.
All 3 of those girls were just closed minded brainwashed idiots. They all had a very dim view of people that don't work for a living, poor people were just lazy in their view, all Muslims are scum to them, America is the greatest country in the world to them and everyone else is less than them. They were racist, superficial, all thought grinding random guys on the dance floor was just normal and acceptable behaviour even when they were dating me. Their world view was distorted and weird. They just had to label everything and everyone too, everyone had to be defined in terms of good or bad in these neat little packages and there was no in-between and if they're told in America to dislike someone then they just go ahead and do that without question. But worst of all and this was the clincher for me, they were all game players, all thought the best way to handle things was to play games instead of actually being straight up front about things. They saw their boyfriends as a competitor more than a partner.
I know I may have just been unlucky and there are some enlightened, intelligent and free thinking American women but the whole culture of America is a superficial, blind patriotism that is completely racist and they have a huge superiority complex. Americans just raise their children to be brainwashed patriots, that think money is God, everything is about competition and they criticize the very small segment of Muslims for dancing around the streets celebrating American dead, while the entire country was dancing in the streets at the murder of Osama Bin Laden. They're just bred to hate anyone who isn't American.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 May 2011):
I am not a guy, but , as far as I know, I don't think your nationality can be such a big handicap in finding a mate, either American or foreign. Not all,or even most, American guys prefer foreign women, as shown by the millions of all - American couples in USA, and not all ,or even most,foreign guys demonize American women !I think it's back to possible vs. likely. Possible, it's totally possible, my cousin ( Italian ) married a girl from Missouri and he is a cool, very well-off guy that could have gotten, basically, whomever he wanted. Likely, - well, it's not surprising that people are more inclined to choose a mate for life among those who share their language, religion, tradition, culture, mentality, ... it's the comfort of familiarity, it's just easier, less challenging to have to deal with what you know best, and it requires less adjustments. So, statistically ,yes, if you are in a hurry,you'd have more chances to find a partner in your own country, - but that does not mean that it must necessarily be exceedingly difficult finding an open minded, curious Mexican guy which will be fascinated by your "diversity".Oh btw- it sounds like a joke, but I am actually serious : if you move to California, specially L.A, there are thousands of bi-lingual guys with Mexican heritage, and USA citizenship/lifestyle. It could be a good compromise...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): I'm Asian American and when I was younger and in college, I dated all cultures, including native-born Americans. Many of them did not want to date Asians so my dating pool wasn't huge but I've dated a few. I admire people with independence and a sense of individualism.But I felt what was best for me was someone more compatible with my view of relationship: personal responsibility for one's own happiness, be inclusive with her and my own larger family, devotion, sacrifice for kids, not so much self-entitlement, and romantic/comfortable with her femininity. Be supportive to let me be the protector/provider/the one who pampers and spoils. If I find that person, I would not care what race or culture she is. I traveled the world as a sales manager for a Fortune 500 company earlier in my career so I had my share of dating around.My own wife is Asian-American and she has all the above traits. But it doesn't mean I would not, if I were still single, date or marry a US white woman. But if I had met one (and I dated into my early 30's), I wouldn't be marrying my wife now. At nearly 50, she has the body that most 18 YO would envy and she is sweet, positive, self-sacrificing, and ultra-feminine. She gained at most 5 lbs since we first met--a combination of good diet and good genes. A great mother, she's also breath-takingly beautiful when she dresses up for our dates. I saw my buddies with critical, self-entitled, emasculating wives and I feel sorry for them. I've done well marrying an Asian-American but to be honest, I also like the looks of in-shape, thin, and feminine women of all races and cultures. If the inside matches with what I was looking for, I would not hesitate--if I were still single. What I can't stand is the critical outlook, self-entitled attitude, and poor body image that the US culture/media tends to encourage in their women. You can't have a deep, intimate relationship without mutual respect, be it from husband to wife or wife to husband. The latter is what I felt lacking in some of the wives I met, many/most are from the dominant white US culture (due to the work I do and the circle of people we spend time with).I wasn't looking for that at all. In any culture or race.
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reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (21 May 2011):
love is blind my dearand when some one loves you he wouldnt care if you were form the US,UK,...etcit seems that your worrying is keeping multiple good men away from youbut you are still young and life is full of good chance for you
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (21 May 2011):
 Of course people from other countries would consider having a foreign girlfriend, a lot of people do have relationships with foreign people.
I think the reason why you may think American women are 'demonized' is because some American men want someone 'exotic' and America is predominately full of...well, Americans. That's just my opinion from what I've heard and from what I've read here, I'm not American so I don't know if that's the absolute truth. I expect some would disagree with me.
It is also a matter of taste. For example, some people look to regions such as Scandinavia because they might think all the people there have blonde hair and blue eyes, or they might go to Spain because they would love to have someone with olive skin and a beautiful form. A lot of stereotypes, I know but, that's what some people might be drawn to. The essence of this as you might have already realized is that it's all very shallow.
But trust me, not all American guys are intent on finding a non-American woman. I'm pretty sure if you look in the right places you'll find a ton of men looking for just someone like you, who doesn't just want to have sex with you. Then again you might also just find a nice Mexican guy who doesn't only want to be with a Latino woman. I don't think its good to assume people's taste. Just like you are drawn to Mexicans, other guys you meet from all walks of life might be drawn to you.
I hope that helps.
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