A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my early 20's and found through dating lots of guys that most guys my own age aren't looking for relationships, but just for fun and casual dating, which is completely fine, but not for me. So I started dating men older than me, late 20's. I figure they would know what they want. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know.But anyways. I met a guy at a mutual friend's party. We seem to hit it off, we talked all night, exchanged numbers. Since that night we talked everyday for hours on end. Even though we do have friends in common, we never bumped into each other during those get togethers. So, we had a lot of conversations via texting, calling, gchat.We met for lunch and it went pretty well. He wanted to go to this new restaurant that opened downtown, I agreed, so we made plans. Plans that he canceled last minute. I agreed to reschedule and of course he canceled those as well. But the second time he didn't even bother telling me, I found out an hour before we were suppose to meet when I called to confirm.After that, we started talking less and less. I never called him again, but he would call me a few times a week. I was never encouraging because at this point, I'd given up all hopes on him, but I was always polite. I just didn't understand why he would still call when he clearly didn't want to do anything.We are FB friends so he does see my status posts. I post status all the time about events that I want to go see and asking if anyone would be interested in coming to them as well. He responded to them immediately saying that he would love to go, I would say sure, but he would never follow though on these things.It's driving me insane. I can't stand it when people say one thing but do another. I can't understand it either. He doesn't owe me anything, we're not friends. If he doesn't want to see me, why not just stop all contact? Why bother keeping in touch?i know you guys are probably going to say to just move on and stop worrying about this. But i really am curious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Wow f*ck this guy royally for treating you like this. Do not chase him. Honestly, Ive never done this to a girl so i dont know what the hell he's up to lol however seeing that he is all words and no action, thats a clear red flag to me anyway as its strong evidence against him that he talks shit but cant bench press 400 pounds :)... leave him be. He doesnt care about you at all and youre seeking a relationship. You want a dude who will send you flowers after the first date anyway... not this d*ck.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 I agree with Cindy. I had this happen to me. If you're friends on FB, they'll comment on your activities, suggesting to get together for coffee, or they'll txt you etc. Basically getting your hopes up but never following through.
Forget about him. Seriously! He loves the attention and probably is doing this to a number of girls. He's not worth it. Find someone who genuinely wants to spend time getting to know you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Older guys don't screw around less, they just know how to hide and manage it better.
The truth is that there are lots of guys who aren't just looking for an easy screw at ALL ages, even teens and college kids. But the hit-and-run types aren't very selective so it only SEEMS like they are almost all the guys out there. The guys looking for something serious are also logically a lot more selective about who they approach and they don't approach as many people.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Oldest trick in the book. In fact, some times they don't even do it to trick you on purpose, it's just an ingrained habit.
He is keeping you on the back burner, as an " option " , or a "just in case ". Everybody loves having a few " options", it gives an ego boost and a sense of being in control.
He is not terribly into you ; he may just be too busy for dating you , or be dating multiple women. Anyway he knows that, if he just would disappear then suddenly pop up and ask you out in 3-4 months, you'd send him to f**k off. If instead every now and then he plans something, then cancels last minute, he keeps you still " on ".
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 May 2011):
I would bite the bullet and just ask him.You're genuinely curious, with reason. "You've shown interest in visiting places with me, but whenever we arrange to meet you cancel. Yet you still keep in touch. Why?"
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